AS THE ROUNDHOUSE KICK TURNS -- A CHUCK NORRIS SPINOFF

[Jimmy Choo]

You weren't supposed to out our special security force!!! Now the terrorists know!!!!

[barbino]

Originally Posted by Jimmy Choo

You weren't supposed to out our special security force!!! Now the terrorists know!!!!

Jimmy Choo-
In the summer of 1992, the Washington Post revealed the existence of an underground bunker designed to accomodate the US Government and allow it to function in the case of a nuclear war, disaster, etc. Located at the Greenbrier Hotel (White Sulphur Springs, West Virginia), "The Bunker" was kept a secret from the American public for over 30 years.

And the Delta Force has existed even longer -- I think the FBI is coming to take me away now.
Wait---they said that I could stay because Chuck Norris said so.

[barbino]

Chuck & his Tridelt sisters all meet for breakfast the next day. Their houseparents, the Huckabees, say prayers before the chapter has a big Southern breakfast. Chuck tells the chapter, "I tried to get Greekchef while I was in North Carolina (for the Delta Force convention) this summer. But he's so good that the chapter there kept giving him a raise so that he'd stay. I even put their housemother in the hospital with a concussion, I wanted him so bad." But Chuck also knows that he can call Emeril if he has to.

Chuck has one of his favorite sisters, IT Liz (she never goes anywhere without her laptop) pull pictures up on the screen. They run thru Chucks top picks for the chapter first, discussing each girl and using Chuck's criteria of "How well can she fight? I'll have to see." These 100 girls take them 4 hours, and they break for lunch. Reviewing the rest of the pnms (all 700 of them) takes 2 more hours after lunch. Chuck says that it is poetic justice, only the best fighters get to be in Chuck's chapter. They take a break only when Mrs. Huckabee runs in to tell Chuck that the Beta fish in her aquarium are killing each other. Chuck responds: "That's why I love Beta fish. They fight to the death." Everybody follows Chuck to watch the Beta fish attacking one another, with IT Liz taking pitures on her cell phone because Chuck wants to frame them and display them in his room.

Chuck calls Wardrobe Check for right before dinner - sloppy Joes, "Man-wich style." Chuck insists on one thing: no flats. He wants stilletos only because "They can be used as weapons. You just don't know when you'll need a weapon." Since they are way far ahead of schedule, Chuck suggests that they watch a movie, producing an illegal copy of Batman: Dark Knight. It's all about what Chuck likes (fighting, good vs. evil, justice, and black clothes). Sunday is quiet and Chuck has to make an appearance at Kent State University in Ohio. Monday is skit practice and Chuck will be there until late afternoon. Then he is flying out to Spartanburg, South Carolina for a presentation about his new book, "Black Belt Patriotism", followed by a discussion and martial-arts demonstration. Chuck knows that the rush schedule and his classes will wait for him. But he is anxious to get home to get his sisters ready in time for recruitment.
Chuck is all about fighting, and now the fight for the best girls is about to start.

[barbino]

Since this University's rush starts only when Chuck wants it to, Chuck decides to take Mike Huckabee with him and go to Washington and kick some political ---. Of course, this will delay rush, but the state of the country's finances needs Chuck Norris - now.

Chuck never shirks from a fight, and he is tired of waiting around while Washington can't decide what to do about this financial bailout. So tomorrow morning, the House and the Senate will either decide or face the wrath of Chuck. Mike Huckabee is fervently praying that all ends well.

"What --you Republicans can't decide?" Chuck has plans to make them all vote his way, or end up in the hospital. If he reduces the number of Republicans that can vote, then maybe a conclusion will be reached. More tomorrow on

AS THE ROUNDHOUSE KICK TURNS