Problems with my chapter

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by Zeta13Girl

I just thought I would stop by and drop in my two cents on this topic. I know that not everyone will agree with me, but here it goes.

First off I am shocked the you let these "newer" sisters use being fat as a reason that a girl should not obtain a bid to your sorority. In my chapter if a girl even thought about raising her hand and mentioning that she would've been ripped from head to toe by the other sisters. It seems to me that you need to re-educate your sister on the values your sorority was founded on. The last time I checked I have never seen a creed, purpose symphony, or anything else detailing the size measurements a sister must fit into to be in the sorority (please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong). Your newer sisters need to be educated on the appropriate criteria to judge PNMs on. This should obviously come from the older sisters who have been in the sorority for the longest or the most educated on the topic.

Also, you didn't mention it in your post, but I'm sure there are some larger members of your organization who have been insulted or hurt by these negative comments. You should definitely be addressing this at your next meeting. To me saying that someone is too fat to join the sorority is like telling all of the "larger" members that they don't deserve to be a part of this sorority.

My chapter never had an adviser, but if you don't think she is handling the membership area of your chapter correctly would it not be best to move her to another advisement position and have someone else takeover membership???

I can't help you with your drinking thing though because that would be kind of hypocritical of me.


P.S. ... Some of you may think its silly to lose half a chapter over a new member, but if the girls are going to quit over one girl, who is "fat" that may say something about their motivations for joining the chapter and maybe, just maybe, they really aren't sisters worth keeping around. *just a thought*

*snaps* to that.

Change what you can while you’re still active. Once you’re gone, there’s really nothing you can do. You can yell at them until you’re blue in the face, but they’ll be able to vote on whoever they like. And the more I read this thread, the more I realize that you obviously have some major problems in how you select members, and with what you’re teaching your new members. As I always say, while values-based recruitment might be a good idea in the future, once the chapter is back on track… right now, maybe some values-based new member education practices are in order.

You NEED to have a discussion among all of the sisters. And not in a meeting. Ask the sisters if you could have a short time for discussion after the meeting to talk about the state of the chapter. I would suggest not having the new members included in the discussion, as they should not yet be involved in these problems of the chapter if these problems can be solved before they realize there is anything wrong.

Have the sisters (and advisors!) sit in a circle (if the chapter is small enough to do so). Bring with you an item to pass around the group. Anything. It could be a pencil if you really wanted, and the only person who can talk is the person who has that item in their hand. First, write three questions so that all of the sisters can see them (on a blackboard, or something large). Go around the room and have everyone briefly answer the questions - Why did you go through recruitment? Why do you like being a sister/what does it mean to you? What one thing would you change about the chapter? Each of these responses is to be uninterrupted and not responded to until everyone has answered. After everyone has responded, the item goes back to you and you start by voicing any of your concerns. Mention one problem at a time. When you’re done talking, someone can reach across to you or raise their hand, and then that person will be handed the item, and they can respond how they wish. When they’re done talking, someone else can raise their hand, etc. Maybe some sisters don’t know what you’re concerned about. Maybe some sisters are misunderstood. Maybe some sisters don’t know the problems that they are causing. Point them out and let them respond. You might be surprised at how much you learn about each other and about your situation.

In the end though, do what you feel is necessary. If this discussion gets you nowhere, talk to your advisor one on one. If nothing is solved, go to the person a step above her, and so on, and so on. And document everything! Who you talked to and when. Even if you send someone an email just to summarize your situation and then to say “please call me at (xxx) xxx-xxxx when you get a chance to discuss this further.” Because if you want any kind of disciplinary action/major changes, you’re going to need to back up your story and have a paper trail. (Trust me, my chapter recently found that out the hard way).

And as has been mentioned, get a group to rally behind you. But DON’T make it seem like an attack on the other members. If it’s upperclassmen v. freshmen, it’s going to get you nowhere. If there is no respect paid one way or the other, it can split up chapters. It’s happened before.

Just make sure to be systematic and thorough in the way that you choose to go about everything. And whatever you do, don’t:
1.) Yell
2.) Place blame on one person
3.) Ignore your advisor
4.) Skip the necessary steps for change
5.) Only talk about this with people on Greekchat

Ok, I’m sorry. I’ve rambled long enough.