The importance of conversation/personality during recruitment

[NYCMS]

Originally Posted by elizey7

When asked why I want to join the sorority, could I say something like this?:

I see a lot of great leadership opportunities that can come from being in a sorority. Additionally, I really admire and aspire to be a part of a strong sisterly bond like yours.

If these are not good or need to be improved in any way, please let me know with examples.

You can find leadership opportunities in all campus organizations so I think this and the other statement both sound generic.

If I were talking to you in person and asked you why you want to be part of a sorority, what would you say? I suspect you'd say something personal which then communicates real-ness.

For me it had to do with seeing the lasting friendships and fun that my aunt has had from being in a sorority and hearing her stories of when she was an active (and even as an alum) - I wanted that. I was able to say something like that - without disclosing her sorority - when I rushed and then that often opened the door to an active saying "oh my aunt (or mom or sister) was in a sorority too which is why I wanted to be part of one too." You gotta make it real, even though what I said could be generic, it was authentic since it was about my aunt and her influence on me to go through rush.

[LonghornPNM]

thank you for posting this it's nice to hear some different advice that sounds quite helpful and realistic

[Stars&Ivy777]

That post was pretty much right on.

[myopicsunflower]

Excellent, excellent advice!

Originally Posted by APhiAnna

Also don’t be afraid to jump into “goofy” topics. Some of the best conversations that led to me forming my “rush crushes” were about shoes, embarrassing stories, high school cars that were falling apart, celebrity gossip, Disney movies…anything fun like that can reveal so much about a PNMs ability to “go with the flow”. It’s so refreshing to have conversations like that instead of the standard “what’s your major” or the women who rattle off questions. You have a very focused idea of what hanging out with them would be like AND they will stick out that much more in your mind. Then, when she starts asking questions about the chapter, you not only know she’s interested but you are positive she will fit in with the women in the chapter.

This is VERY true. The goofy topics really do show personality, including what I would call "endearing quirks." These conversations also tend to feel more personal, even if the topics aren't super deep, and while you get a sense of what it would be like to hang out with these sisters, they also get a sense of what it would be like to hang out with you. Very good way to be remembered!

Thank you for posting this!

[violetpretty]

I also think that conversation isn't mentioned as much in threads because a great personality/conversation skills rarely compensates for "foot in the door" things like poor grades, non-freshman class standing (at certain schools), not having recs if most PNMs do, unkempt appearance, etc. It's absolutely like a job interview. You need certain things to get you in the door and the next step is to win chapters over with your personality by having meaningful conversations.

I absolutely agree that conversation is important. It's the heart and soul of recruitment.

The best thing to do is practice making small talk with strangers. Back up questions are good if you find the conversation lagging. Sometimes the other person won't have much to say back to you, so there's not always much to ask them about the current topic. There is also an element of nervousness in most PNMs (and sisters).

[APhiAnna]

Originally Posted by myopicsunflower

Excellent, excellent advice!



This is VERY true. The goofy topics really do show personality, including what I would call "endearing quirks." These conversations also tend to feel more personal, even if the topics aren't super deep, and while you get a sense of what it would be like to hang out with these sisters, they also get a sense of what it would be like to hang out with you. Very good way to be remembered!

Thank you for posting this!

I think too that the goofy topics can work wonders but they have to be brought up in the right way. Say you want to talk about Disney movies...instead of asking a sister "What's your favorite Disney movie? I am obsessed with Disney!", which would look creepy, a better way is to steer a question into that area. If you are asked what you did the previous night, say "We took it pretty easy...my floormates and I stayed up and watched old Disney movies because they are my guilty pleasure." That way the sister can jump on the bait if she wants to. Or if you want to talk about vintage clothing, maybe say "I'm so excited to finally go to school in CITY! I want to figure out where everything is...do you know of a cool vintage clothing store? Those are my staples." If you bring it up right those topics can make you really memorable...if you bring it up awkwardly they are going to be like "Who the heck was that girl?"

[myopicsunflower]

Originally Posted by APhiAnna

If you bring it up right those topics can make you really memorable...if you bring it up awkwardly they are going to be like "Who the heck was that girl?"

Oh absolutely. It has to work naturally into a conversation or it's not going to work at all.

And people have to still maintain some discretion about what goofy topics they share. Some goofy topics are cute, but some are just too goofy (or straight-up weird) and would end up working against the rushee.

[violetpretty]

How many times have we heard of PNMs with excellent resumes and recs who have great conversations at chapters, only to find they are cut the next round?

How often do we hear of a PNM at an SEC school who has the "total package" (great GPA, activities, recs), pretty, great conversationalist, but is from out of the South (thus lacking connections in chapters) get into a "top tier" chapter?

My point is that, at certain schools, there are other factors at play, like legacy status and having connections in chapters, other than conversation, resumes, and recs. Not to mention, at these schools, every PNM has a great GPA, activities, recs, and is gorgeous.

Based on what I've read on GC, at competitive schools (SEC, most of the Big XII), great conversation can not make you, but poor conversation sure can break you.

Any SECers/Big XIIers, feel free to weigh in on this.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by violetpretty

How many times have we heard of PNMs with excellent resumes and recs who have great conversations at chapters, only to find they are cut the next round?


My point is that, at certain schools, there are other factors at play, like legacy status and having connections in chapters, other than conversation, resumes, and recs. Not to mention, at these schools, every PNM has a great GPA, activities, recs, and is gorgeous.

I agree. We get this alot from moms particularly. They say, "but she was a 4.0 student, had 2 recs per chapter, and was homecomng queen and played tennis AND fed starving children in Africa, how did she get cut??" Those things alone don't guarantee bids (especially when EVERYONE has very similar stats). They don't realize that they weren't there to see their daughter interact with the sororities. They need to consider that the conversation skills/personality factor also comes into play and that maybe their daughter didn't stand out in that area.

[cali_gossip]

Originally Posted by myopicsunflower

Excellent, excellent advice!



This is VERY true. The goofy topics really do show personality, including what I would call "endearing quirks." These conversations also tend to feel more personal, even if the topics aren't super deep, and while you get a sense of what it would be like to hang out with these sisters, they also get a sense of what it would be like to hang out with you. Very good way to be remembered!

The goofy topics really helped me during recruitment. I talked to some of the girls about how I'd gone to a crazy carnival in Hollywood on Halloween and saw some people dressed up as Britney Spears. They had a bunch of different versions of Britney and the girls got really excited. Come bid day, they came up to me and said thanks to my idea, a group of them were gonna dress up as the different phases of her career for Halloween. That's how they remembered me :]

[SureSister]

Very nice post, APhiAnna. It was articulate and accurate. Thank you for adding to the positive and useful advice in our community!

[Zillini]

Excellent post and topic APhiAnna, but I have to disagree with this statement.

Originally Posted by APhiAnna

OK, this is probably true, but given the college admissions processes I’d say it is safe to say that your GPA, activities and recs were probably very similar, if not “identical”, to the majority of women going through recruitment. Those were the vary stats that got you into your college of choice so it only seems normal to assume that most other women in recruitment had stats of similar strength.

Univ admission standards vary greatly from one campus to another, even from one college/major to another within a Univ. It is a mistake to assume that all PNMs are roughly equivalent in GPA, resume, etc simply based on the fact that they were accepted to that Univ.

Originally Posted by violetpretty

ETA: I think also part of the reason that conversation doesn't get mentioned as much is because it's subjective and harder to give concrete suggestions for conversation.

I agree completely. I also think the reason why folks here concentrate their advice on GPA, resume, and Recs is these are concrete things that a PNM has direct control over. We want a PNM to at least be on the same footing as the majority of other PNMs and not fall victim to an automatic cut.

Overcoming personality and/or conversational issues like extreme shyness, etc. is much more difficult and as said subjective. Yet these skills can be practiced. Regardless though, no one can control or predict those times when when a PNM and an active recruiter simply have a personality clash or have nothing in common. Those should be rare though.

[APhiAnna]

Originally Posted by Zillini

Excellent post and topic APhiAnna, but I have to disagree with this statement.Univ admission standards vary greatly from one campus to another, even from one college/major to another within a Univ. It is a mistake to assume that all PNMs are roughly equivalent in GPA, resume, etc simply based on the fact that they were accepted to that Univ.

I agree in certain cases. Obviously many schools will have a certain major or program that can be more competitive than all the others in terms of admission, and sometimes too the opposite is true. However I think a safe way to play it is to assume that your stats are par for the course so you don't rest on your laurels, so to speak. I also think that at the majority of schools in America, there is a firm "middle ground" where the majority of students will fall that has more or less the same statistics. Especially considering how competitive pretty much ALL universities are getting these days, a lot of the women will have strong stats.

[KSUViolet06]

Felt like this was a good one to bump. APhiAnna was spot on.

[Splash]

Don't dominate the conversation, but don't let her (the sorority girl) steer it entirely either. Make sure there is a good mix of back and forth so you both get a feel for each other.