Mothers and Daughters - Page 3

FSUZeta · #31 08-14-2008, 10:05 PM

unless the pnm shares that information with her rush hostess, ordinarily the sororities do not know-they are not about to share who came back to their parties, who is on their invitation list, etc. with other sororities and the recruitment counselors and the panhellenic officers are disaffiliated from their chapters and are not supposed to be communicating with their chapters.

gee_ess · #32 08-14-2008, 10:47 PM

Co-sign with FSUZeta.

One tip: if a pnm has CUT her legacy (ABC) house, it doesn't hurt to let that be known to the (XYZ) house where you are most interested. Often, XYZ house is just assuming that the legacy will be returning to the legacy house, and can sometimes base a cut on that line of thinking. So, if a pnm can tell them, it lets them know she is open to another house besides her legacy house.

Wow, that was not worded very well, but I am tired...

uamomma · #33 08-14-2008, 11:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gee_ess

Co-sign with FSUZeta.

One tip: if a pnm has CUT her legacy (ABC) house, it doesn't hurt to let that be known to the (XYZ) house where you are most interested. Often, XYZ house is just assuming that the legacy will be returning to the legacy house, and can sometimes base a cut on that line of thinking. So, if a pnm can tell them, it lets them know she is open to another house besides her legacy house.

Wow, that was not worded very well, but I am tired...

I hadn't thought about that. That would be important to bring up. I think that was very well worded!!

elleyk5187 · #34 08-14-2008, 11:20 PM

HI!

i went through recruitment at the same school my mom attended & was a kappa at. i think on your registration you put that you're a legacy, etc. this is given to all the chapters, so they have the ability to know if they want to.

for me personally, it got brought up a lot. i got the "why did you decide to go through recruitment?" since i was a transfer student in january & that was my first experience at butler. i often said "well my mom was in a house when she was in college so i've seen first hand how wonderful it is. in fact, her best friend now was in her house when she was in college." sometimes girls got gutsy and tried to ask what chapter & i politely said something about how it didn't matter to me & that i had an extremely open mind, etc.

FSUZeta · #35 08-15-2008, 07:23 AM

congratulations on joining kkg. a pnm does not have to declare her legacy status on the recruitment enrollment forms, and even if she does, there are schools that will cover that information when they are copying the form to give to the sororities. that way only ABC chapter will see that she is an "ABC" legacy-the others will see a blacked out blank.

elleyk5187 · #36 08-15-2008, 02:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FSUZeta

congratulations on joining kkg. a pnm does not have to declare her legacy status on the recruitment enrollment forms, and even if she does, there are schools that will cover that information when they are copying the form to give to the sororities. that way only ABC chapter will see that she is an "ABC" legacy-the others will see a blacked out blank.

i have a feeling this varies from school to school. i was told after all was said & done that the chapters are given this information from registration so they all knew without me telling them.

also, if someone writes a rec it often asks about legacies so of course they can find out through there too.

phimu88 · #37 08-15-2008, 03:15 PM

My daughter told me that at every single house they asked her "Are you the first one to go greek in your family" (or something along those lines) so they were fishing to find out if she was a legacy somewhere. She always said "no my mom and my aunt were both Phi Mu, but I am going through rush with an open mind. I want to make sure I choose the right sorority for me". I think it worked because she only got cut from one sorority, and that was one she was planning to cut anyway, they just beat her to it. haha She wasnt upset, but she shocked me a couple of times by her cuts and liking one sorority so much one day and cutting them the next! I also thought she was going to go with a different sorority as her #1 by the way she talked about them all week and she ended up cutting them before pref!! Crazy! I was really surprised that she went through it so calmly and based her decisions so rationally from one party to the next. Phi Mu treated her very well and she felt that was the group of girls she would really fit in with the best. That is the reason she chose Phi Mu and it had nothing to do with her being a legacy. I am proud of her for the way she went through rush. Following her own instincts and not blindly following my past or where her high school friends were going.

FSUZeta · #38 08-15-2008, 05:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by elleyk5187

i have a feeling this varies from school to school. i was told after all was said & done that the chapters are given this information from registration so they all knew without me telling them.

also, if someone writes a rec it often asks about legacies so of course they can find out through there too.

your are correct in thinking that sharing legacy information varies from school to school-that is what i said.

elleyk5187 · #39 08-15-2008, 08:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FSUZeta

your are correct in thinking that sharing legacy information varies from school to school-that is what i said.

i suppose i suck at reading, cause i totally skipped that part. haha.

sorry! maybe i should stop skimming so much, i do that with school too.

ZTA zetahunny · #40 08-20-2008, 09:26 AM

I found this website last spring when my daughter was debating if she should go through recruitment. I first thought about the mother daughter sorority thing as early as the day of my own initiation in 1977, when a group of my closest Zeta sisters talked about it when we were still in our ritual whites. Who would have known that my daughter would be a bit of a rebel and tell me that she didn't know if the sorority thing was for her? The day she graduated from HS, at least five women asked her (in front of me) if she was going to rush. I was feeling how increasingly uncomfortable she was becoming each time the same question was asked. It turned out that once she was on campus during summer school, she decided on her own that she would give recruitment a try. I helped her with picking out dresses and helped her put her resume together to give to rec writers. I had no idea what the implications of being a legacy to two top houses at a competitive school would be. I proudly plastered that information on her resume. She survived rounds one and two, with only being released from 3 out of 15 chapters (Only one was a disappointment), but it was toward the end that she suffered the worst cuts. I left Florida to help another Zeta chapter with their recruitment just to get my mind off her. I returned to FL to be there for bid day. The day of pref she called very disappointed having not been invited to ZTA and a few other favorites, and wanted to drop. Gulp. All I could say was "OK...Are you sure that's what you want to do." I had the biggest frog in my throat and was trying so hard to be casual and just listen. I asked her if she had spoken to her Rho Chi yet and she told me that she would call her next. Moments later, the phone rang again and she said she would get dressed quickly and go to a few Pref parties. (She had been required to go to an academic related Ropes course, in the rain and mud, which wasn't scheduled to finish until preference was underway. It was known that she couldn't attend at least one party due to that event. I had thought that the Ropes course would be the big problem of the day...Not her dropping out of recruitment) She liked two of her three pref. groups and got her first choice of the three. Now a year later, she sounds invigorated and every time we speak on the phone, she sounds like a different girl/woman. The first thing she to me when we spoke on the phone during prerecruitment week was almost what Sally Field said when she won the Oscar. She said "WOW everybody loves me." I don't know why this makes me so happy, but it does. I am so afraid of being called a Helicopter mom, but I do love rush, and I do think being in a sorority offers so much to a young woman. I just get excited about it. If I found a fantastic spa or place to eat, I'd want all my friends, and even strangers to experience it. When you have a daughter, and when she leaves the nest, you just want to make sure she has the tools for the journey. I think being in a sorority teaches a girl so many things. I feel for all you other moms out there. It all works out one way or another, but you still have that little girl in the back of your mind, even though common sense tells you to let her go. Overcoming obstacles is how we learn and overcoming those obstacles and having that experience makes us far more interesting to know. My daughter wants to be a Rho Chi next year. Just can't wait.

Lightning Bug! · #41 08-20-2008, 09:39 AM

I was a legacy to one place through my mother and another through my grandmother, and two VERY IMPORTANT things my mother and grandmother did were:

1) NOT tell me that *some* houses have a policy that if a legacy is invited to pref, she is placed on the first bid list, and
2) remind me that chapters are different at each school, so I shouldn't feel any pressure to join ABC or XYZ because they might not be the right chapter for me at my school (actually, their words were, "After all, we don't know...they might be AWFUL at your school!" That may sound sort of negative, but it worked well for an 18-year-old girl!).

This prevented any false hopes going into later rounds...it never is good to tell your daughter that she has an advantage being a legacy...and also gave me an 'out', both in terms of cutting legacy houses and getting cut by them....I am so grateful to this day for that!

volalum · #42 08-21-2008, 08:36 AM

. When you have a daughter, and when she leaves the nest, you just want to make sure she has the tools for the journey. I think being in a sorority teaches a girl so many things. I feel for all you other moms out there. It all works out one way or another, but you still have that little girl in the back of your mind, even though common sense tells you to let her go. Overcoming obstacles is how we learn and overcoming those obstacles and having that experience makes us far more interesting to know. My daughter wants to be a Rho Chi next year. Just can't wait.[/quote]

Zetahunny- your daughter will be an awesome Rho Chi, becuase she has an awesome roll model....you! I think this is a great story, and one she can share with her own daughter. Who knows, keep your pin; you may have a grandaughter wear it one day!