What defines a helicopter parent?

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by AOII_LB93

I'm also wondering if our society doesn't encourage helicoptering in a way...granted I'm a HS teacher, but at all of the local elementary schools there are "class parents" and it's expected that the parents of all the kids show up and help out in some form or another.

It's very possible to help out at school (the teachers need the extra hands) without helicoptering.

[AOII_LB93]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

It's very possible to help out at school (the teachers need the extra hands) without helicoptering.

I wasn't disputing that, I'm a teacher...I can always use help, but sometimes having a parent in the classroom can undermine the teacher's authority because the child is more inclined to look to the parent than the teacher if they do something wrong. I've also seen(as I've had numerous conferences with both parent and student) that some of the time the parents are making excuses for their children, or denying the fact that their child could ever do something wrong (i.e. cheating, copying, smacking some other kid).

Not saying that parental help is bad, I was just wondering if we aren't sort of enabling helicopterish behavior for some parents.

[33girl]

My elementary school had teachers' aides - who were usually moms of kids in the school. However, if mom was an aide in 4th grade classroom A, kid was assigned to 4th grade classroom B, except in special circumstances.

Then again our classrooms weren't grouped according to ability - if you do it that way it might be a problem.

[KSUViolet06]

I consider someone a "helicopter" parent when they cannot allow their child to fail, make a mistake, or not get their way. They have to step in and try to "fix things" so they work out in their child's favor. They have the "everyone gets a trophy" mentality.

For example: Mikey gets an 88% B in Math, but he's upset because he wanted an A.

Normal parent response: Tells Mikey that he still did a good job, and that if he wants the A, he'll just have to work a little harder next time.

Helicopter parent response: Immediately gets on the phone to call the teacher to see if she can just "bump it up" to the A (since it's only 2% more). When the teacher says no, she decides that the teacher is "incompetent" that her "assignments are too hard" or that she "doesn't grade fairly." She then goes over teacher's head to the Principal about this grade. She feels like her son should get the A even though he did not earn it.

ETA: Yes, I understand that it is natural to feel bad when your child is disappointed and to want to help them. But I think you hurt them more when you condition your child to think that "whenever I don't get something I want, Mom will step in and get it for me."

[Army Wife'79]

I first noticed it when my son was in Boy Scouts and they were given a chunk of wood and they were to sand it, paint it and make it into a car to race. My son worked on it as a little kid would and it looked like it. When we showed up for the race we saw all these elaborate cars and were stunned. (The rules were the kids had to do it themselves). I asked one dad how his son cut it and he replied "power tools" and I said "you let bubba use a power tool" and the dad said "no, he did that part". Well, heck, I think the little twit should have been disqualified but it seems all the dads did a bunch of work on the cars.
I was proud when my son's came in 3rd, even tho it looked juvenile.

[pbear19]

One of my biggest beefs with modern society is the apparent movement away from taking personal responsibility for anything. We have become a culture that blames many an ill in our lives on someone else, and seldom acknowledge any wrong doing in ourselves.

Reading this thread, I'm beginning to wonder if this lack of personal responsibility might not be at the heart of helicoptering, moreso than any influence of technology or anything else. So many of the above examples would never take place if the parent would consider that their child (or in some cases the parent) might have some role in the failure to achieve whatever they wanted to achieve. Instead, the blame goes to the teacher, the system, the mean sorority girls, etc.

Just typing while I think, but I believe it's an interesting correlation.

[lawgal]

Its funny because I see that side of it as an attorney especially. Everyone wants to play the 'blame game' looking for someone to assign the blame to. Sometimes things just happen (isnt that what an accident really should be defined as), and sometimes everyone should bear some of the blame. I still shake my head over the million dollar cup of McD's coffee.

[AOIIalum]

Originally Posted by Army Wife'79

I first noticed it when my son was in Boy Scouts and they were given a chunk of wood and they were to sand it, paint it and make it into a car to race. My son worked on it as a little kid would and it looked like it. When we showed up for the race we saw all these elaborate cars and were stunned. (The rules were the kids had to do it themselves). I

Been there, done that. It's one thing if Bubba designed the car and had his adult help with cutting it out, it's another for Dad or Grandpa to make the car themselves. That always drove me insane!!!! We had one little boy every year with a car so smooth that we thought they bought it. Dad admitted to taking his car to work and doing it there, but work was a major car production facility so Dad had access to the best paints and design software...and the car looked it. What does the boy get out of that?

Solved the problem by having a Pinewood work meeting night where leaders brought tools in to help the boys with cars (meaning, they could see the boys involved with the process ) and having a "Parent Division" on race day (with the entry fee to buy and race a car as a pack fundraiser. Darn effective fundraiser.)

[SWTXBelle]

Originally Posted by AOIIalum

Been there, done that. It's one thing if Bubba designed the car and had his adult help with cutting it out, it's another for Dad or Grandpa to make the car themselves. That always drove me insane!!!! We had one little boy every year with a car so smooth that we thought they bought it. Dad admitted to taking his car to work and doing it there, but work was a major car production facility so Dad had access to the best paints and design software...and the car looked it. What does the boy get out of that?

Solved the problem by having a Pinewood work meeting night where leaders brought tools in to help the boys with cars (meaning, they could see the boys involved with the process ) and having a "Parent Division" on race day (with the entry fee to buy and race a car as a pack fundraiser. Darn effective fundraiser.)

Brilliant! I hope some others are inspired by this creative solution!