Courthouse Ceremony then "Real" Wedding?

[kddani]

From an etiquette standpoint, getting married legally then having another "wedding" isn't appropriate.

Of course, lying to your guests and making them think they were there to share in the happiness and witness your marriage probably isn't kosher with the etiquette mavens either.

I'd be pretty ticked if I went to a wedding, spent the money on hotel, gas/airplane, food, GIFT, etc. then found out after the fact that the couple had lied and were already married. It's in all around poor taste to lie to people!

If you want to get married for the military benefits, then do it. Just don't be bummed when people think it's inappropriate that you try to do all of the BWW (big white wedding) things after you're already married- bachelorette, shower, huge "wedding," etc.

[NutBrnHair]

Which do you want more... a "marriage" starting this September, or a "wedding" next September.

Personally, I would not do both.

[SthrnZeta]

Originally Posted by NutBrnHair

Which do you want more... a "marriage" starting this September, or a "wedding" next September.

Personally, I would not do both.

See, this makes me feel like a spoiled little girl who just wants the BWW and I don't think that's fair. Of course I realize the marriage is far more important than the wedding but the BWW is something we all want (both us plus our families). And there are going to be some people who feel it's not a real marriage until it's blessed anyway so they may feel the BWW is the "real" wedding (J happens to be one of them).

[NutBrnHair]

Originally Posted by SthrnZeta

See, this makes me feel like a spoiled little girl who just wants the BWW and I don't think that's fair.

I'm just a stranger on the Internet with an opinion. You do what you want to do!

Personally, I also would never ask for advice re: important real life matters on a message board either, but that's just me!

[SthrnZeta]

Originally Posted by NutBrnHair

I'm just a stranger on the Internet with an opinion. You do what you want to do!

Personally, I also would never ask for advice re: important real life matters on a message board either, but that's just me!

Point taken. Ultimately I'll do what I think is best for me but it's nice to have some feedback on it from people who can be objective about it. And I'm very thankful to those who have offered it.

[SWTXBelle]

And bear in mind - the kind of people who would be snarky about a blessing, or church wedding, or celebration after the smaller, legal ceremony are NOT those you would want there anyway. So your BWW might be smaller than you originally thought - but I'd rather have a smaller group who loved me than tons of people who are so small-minded that they would try to steal your joy.