I need advice about the boyfriend... (this is long)

[kddani]

Don't make excuses for him. "keep in mind he was drunk". Drunk or sober, your relationship isn't going the way you want it to, he's not making you happy, and he's not doing his part. Get out. The longer you make excuses for him the more you make yourself look like an ass for putting up with him and his selfish behavior. Long distance relationships take sacrifice and work on BOTH parties if they are to succeed. It can't be a one-way effort.

Granted, an email certainly wasn't the best way to handle this talk, but then again you're along distance relationship.

From this limited amount of information, it certainly seems that you're way more into him than he is into you. Dump his ass, get in a place where you're happy with your life and yourself, and you'll find someone else.

[Senusret I]

I dunno, she seems like a whiner and a tally-taker.

[RaggedyAnn]

Okay, I've been told I'm as subtle as a sledge hammer before, so reader beware...

You deserve to be with a man that is going to make you the priority in his life. I dated a lot when I was younger and made a list of everything I wanted in a man, would like in a man and would be nice to have in a man (but wasn't necessary). I married that man...and I didn't have to do anything to change him. There is someone out there for you and you don't need to settle. Make yourself a priority, because it doesn't sound like he is.

[preciousjeni]

Originally Posted by RaggedyAnn

Okay, I've been told I'm as subtle as a sledge hammer before, so reader beware...

You deserve to be with a man that is going to make you the priority in his life. I dated a lot when I was younger and made a list of everything I wanted in a man, would like in a man and would be nice to have in a man (but wasn't necessary). I married that man...and I didn't have to do anything to change him. There is someone out there for you and you don't need to settle. Make yourself a priority, because it doesn't sound like he is.

Amen. If there's something drastic that a woman feels she wants a man to change, it's pointless. Perhaps he'll grow out of it, but probably not. Men don't change for a woman they don't respect.

[ausguals]

Originally Posted by kddani

Long distance relationships take sacrifice and work on BOTH parties if they are to succeed. It can't be a one-way effort.

I realize I am making excuses for him, I really do. It's just hard to put myself in a position to break up with him because this is the ONLY problem we have (Granted, its a huge problem.). It really didn't used to be like this up until a few months ago (April-ish). He's coming home this weekend so I think we're going to talk about it. He's been relatively nice since when I last sat down and had a talk with him, but that doesn't necessarily mean anything at all and is probably just temporary. Basically, I'm going to tell him straight up how I feel and I'll see where that goes. Face to face. Which is probably going to be a whole lot harder, but its probably what we (or I) need.

[ausguals]

Originally Posted by preciousjeni

Amen. If there's something drastic that a woman feels she wants a man to change, it's pointless. Perhaps he'll grow out of it, but probably not. Men don't change for a woman they don't respect.

He actually used to be a relatively huge partier in high school/beginning of college but since we had a discussion when we got together about our relationship he toned it down a lot and changed from the whole party scene thing (As did i) but it just seems now like he kinda went back to it.


It's college. Yes, I love him, but maybe we aren't supposed to be together during it. I really DON'T want to break up with him, because I really do love him and we get along perfectly when we're together, but I guess maybe most of you are right on here, which is why I asked for advice in the first place because I didn't really think of it as a "break up" issue as much as i saw it as a need to "fix things," but most people are saying the opposite of what I thought.

[preciousjeni]

Originally Posted by ausguals

Basically, I'm going to tell him straight up how I feel and I'll see where that goes. Face to face. Which is probably going to be a whole lot harder, but its probably what we (or I) need.

Girl, it's hard, but so worth it.

Originally Posted by ausguals

It's college. Yes, I love him, but maybe we aren't supposed to be together during it....I didn't really think of it as a "break up" issue as much as i saw it as a need to "fix things," but most people are saying the opposite of what I thought.

It really depends on what YOU want. We can only give advice from our own perspectives and backgrounds. If this relationship is really just for college, it sounds like you're in a bit too deep already. The longer you stay together, the deeper you'll fall. In that case, it's probably best to get a bit less serious.

If you think he's marriage material (and if that's what you ultimately want), it's a very different scenario and you really have to be critical. As women, I think we only hurt ourselves by getting too deeply involved with men when we're not really sure what we're looking for.

You gotta have a plan. I kinda wish I'd had an older sister when I was 18-22 who could have knocked me straight in a lot of my relationships.

[DSTRen13]

If you aren't willing to completely break it off, tell him you want to "see other people" for a while. Still date him, but other people too. You don't even really have to do it (although it would probably be a good idea), but if he thinks you are ... just make the boy sweat a little.

Most Tech boys are VERY happy to have girlfriends, and act appropriately. He needs a wake-up call.