I Don't Date Outside of My Race...

[teena]

Originally Posted by preciousjeni

I know they'll be black which is why I'm concerned. I, as a white woman, am on the outside of what they'll experience, so my advice for them can only go so far. At this point, I'm just sharing with y'all my experiences and concerns as a white woman in an ongoing interracial relationship.

You have to remember, this is why children have two parents.

[lovehaiku84]

Originally Posted by teena

You have to remember, this is why children have two parents.

Exactly. I also think that you can't be afraid to reach out when you need help. There are forums like this that cater to African American mothers. Don't be afraid to join and say that you are the white mother of a child that is half black, that your child is experiencing X, and you want to know how to deal with it. Just recently in the parenting forum at nappturality.com a white woman with two daughters adopted from Haiti posted some questions about hair. She was embraced with open online arms, and still posts from time to time.

[teena]

Originally Posted by lovehaiku84

Exactly. I also think that you can't be afraid to reach out when you need help. There are forums like this that cater to African American mothers. Don't be afraid to join and say that you are the white mother of a child that is half black, that your child is experiencing X, and you want to know how to deal with it. Just recently in the parenting forum at nappturality.com a white woman with two daughters adopted from Haiti posted some questions about hair. She was embraced with open online arms, and still posts from time to time.

I would also hope that she has close AA female friends in her support system . Websites are nice for information. But nothing beats a face to face friend.

[preciousjeni]

Originally Posted by teena

I would also hope that she has close AA female friends in her support system . Websites are nice for information. But nothing beats a face to face friend.

There's one woman, in particular, I love like my own heart. She posts around here sometimes. My closest relationships are with women in Theta Nu Xi. I draw strength and encouragement from them and many of them are my constant advisors and mentors. So, the network is there, but I deeply wish I had a mother or mother-in-law to turn to. You can't beat that.

[Little32]

Is your husband's family supportive?

[preciousjeni]

Originally Posted by Little32

Is your husband's family supportive?

Those family members who are close to him are supportive. As he is an only child and his parents are both deceased, our greatest support comes from his elderly aunt. She's a source of prayer and wisdom for us. It's that old wisdom too...the kind that makes you think. She had some things to say before we got married - mostly about the age gap and sometimes not so good.

As I mentioned, my husband is older than I am, so his close family members are also older/elderly. We haven't been married very long, so I'm still working out how those relationships will be best established and honed.

Right now we're in a difficult circumstance being that we're both far from home and have no family in the area. Once we move back south, those family connections will be energized.

[Munchkin03]

Jeni, it sounds like you have a great support system going on right now, with more to come as you return to the South. You're very lucky in that regard. I feel like a lot of biracial kids suffer from "ABF Syndrome," which could either mean Absent Black Father or Absent Black Family. It's sad, but there are so many young white women who have children with black men without really understanding that these kids are going to be perceived as black, and WILL need a support system. Not only is your husband around, but you seem to have friends and family members that can provide additional role models. Yay!

I am close to a family where the mother is white and the father black. However, their dad took an early stance with the kids that they were black first, and would be perceived as such. He's a great, strong role model for them, which so many biracial kids don't have! So sad...

[teena]

Originally Posted by preciousjeni

There's one woman, in particular, I love like my own heart. She posts around here sometimes. My closest relationships are with women in Theta Nu Xi. I draw strength and encouragement from them and many of them are my constant advisors and mentors. So, the network is there, but I deeply wish I had a mother or mother-in-law to turn to. You can't beat that.

I get what you are saying. Older wisdom is priceless though.