Titles

[lovehaiku84]

Originally Posted by blakiceanjel

I understand what you're saying, but what if you are committed? I honestly think if someone is going to play around on you they will whether or not you have a title. A bad person might believe that if you don't have the title then you have no reason to be upset, but logical people know the difference.

My situation is a little different. He and I jumped into the relationship too fast, became bf and gf immediately. We were smitten with each other, but he got nervous with how fast everything was moving. He ended up doing something stupid (not cheating so much) and hurting me. We decided it would be better to lose the title and just date. Now we're closer than ever. We spend our whole weekends together, my family loves him (to them he's my bf), he lets me borrow his car, I even have some of my stuff stored in his storage room. But we don't have that title. It bothered me at first, but if he's my acting right I don't need it.

I know it might sound a little naive, but I've been in bad relationships before so I can tell the difference. I think (and I've told him this to which he replied "Maybe".. his version of yeeaaahhh lol) that he's afraid of messing up again. I've tried explaining that even if something bad happened now we'd still be hurt. He's just an over-thinker. lol

If you are committed and comfortable with your situation then, in my opinion, you shouldn't have any questions about the importance of a title. What else changed when you dropped the title? Why was that an important thing to do in your relationship? Based on reading the above it sounds like you are making excuses for him and putting words into his mouth. One thing I have learned is that men are NOT complicated like women are, so don't try to make it that way. Take their words and actions at face value because men rarely speak in code the way women do. If he said "maybe" he meant "maybe," you know?

[IlovemyAKA]

Originally Posted by lovehaiku84

If you are committed and comfortable with your situation then, in my opinion, you shouldn't have any questions about the importance of a title.

That's the thing. I don't think she really is comfortable with it. If she were, why would she ask strangers if they'd be accepting of the situation?

[blakiceanjel]

No, no.. you misunderstand.. lol... Yes, I'm in the situation, but I'm not really asking for advice on it. I'm comfortable. But I like knowing how other people feel. My roomie is always like "Is so & so your bf yet?". I think it's funny how other people can be more concerned about things like that than the ones in the relationship. I also heard a topic on the radio about people who have been together for like 15 years and are completely loyal to each other but aren't married. Don't get me wrong, it bothers me sometimes, but then I realize everything is enjoyable and there's no use in being all hung up on a word.

[lovehaiku84]

True. She probably wouldn't. I have done things like this in the past and looking back I know I just wanted validation that what I was doing/experiencing was "ok" even if I wasn't feeling 100% comfortable with it. When I decided that I wanted to move in with my boyfriend without us being engaged or married I just did it, because I was comfortable with what we had. I was not concerned with whether or not the next woman would have done the same.

@blakiceanjel - I don't get the desire to know stranger's opinions on what's going on in your personal life, but if you are happy then it's whatever.

[blakiceanjel]

Originally Posted by lovehaiku84

True. She probably wouldn't. I have done things like this in the past and looking back I know I just wanted validation that what I was doing/experiencing was "ok" even if I wasn't feeling 100% comfortable with it. When I decided that I wanted to move in with my boyfriend without us being engaged or married I just did it, because I was comfortable with what we had. I was not concerned with whether or not the next woman would have done the same.

@blakiceanjel - I don't get the desire to know stranger's opinions on what's going on in your personal life, but if you are happy then it's whatever.

Thanks.. this went in the wrong direction lol.. I did mean in general at first. I just figured I'd throw in some personal experience. And we're strangers so I didn't think it mattered lol... Maybe I should've left me out of it.

[Professor]

i think this is a chick question - - - - i'm not sure that men care what we are called as long as everyone knows that lady is with someone>

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by Professor

i think this is a chick question - - - - i'm not sure that men care what we are called as long as everyone knows that lady is with someone>

chick = women and men = men?

Men also do wonder these types of things but may express it differently depending on who they are talking to. The question of title is really about wanting to be clear where the relationship stands (i.e. the lady is with someone) and what they should refer to each other as both in and out of each other's presence.

After a certain age the term "boyfriend" sounds wierd in certain settings so whatever words people choose to express exclusivity, the title is the same. Most people who are in exclusive, non-secret relationship would rather not have their significant other parading around saying "eh...that's my friend."

[tld221]

Originally Posted by blakiceanjel

LOL! omg

I know what you mean, I guess. So what does it take for you to know that you want to own her? lol

too easy huh?


i think titles are important. its only natural that we have to label and define what things are. i think if one (or both) party is unwilling to create the "girlfriend/boyfriend" label then they arent ready to.

i figure, if you spend a lot of time together, you call each other often enough (on breaks at work, in the AM/before bed, etc), you date consistently enough and socialize amongst each other's people, thats enough to have a title.

of course everyone's gonna have their exceptions to this, but in my head, thats what it looks like to me.

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by tld221

too easy huh?

Yeah I didn't take it.

[Professor]

i guess - i just say this is constance - i don't say we have exclusive for ten years, that we are a couple, this is my girl - i just say this is constance - i will admit when she introduces me she says this is michael and puts her hand in my hand - this topic reminds me of women when they marry they stop saying the guys name and start saying this is my husband

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

chick = women and men = men?

Men also do wonder these types of things but may express it differently depending on who they are talking to. The question of title is really about wanting to be clear where the relationship stands (i.e. the lady is with someone) and what they should refer to each other as both in and out of each other's presence.

After a certain age the term "boyfriend" sounds wierd in certain settings so whatever words people choose to express exclusivity, the title is the same. Most people who are in exclusive, non-secret relationship would rather not have their significant other parading around saying "eh...that's my friend."

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by Professor

i guess - i just say this is constance - i don't say we have exclusive for ten years, that we are a couple, this is my girl - i just say this is constance - i will admit when she introduces me she says this is michael and puts her hand in my hand - this topic reminds me of women when they marry they stop saying the guys name and start saying this is my husband

Okay, your personal story aside, can you understand the topic, though?

You've never been with "constance" and someone ask who she is to you? Like "oh, is this your wife, etc." If not, okay.

And when you aren't around "constance" and people are unfamiliar with who "constance" is, what do you say?