First time writing a rec... - Page 2

Fleur de Lis · #1 04-28-2008, 05:49 PM

The advice everyone has given is excellent. Respond to the parent saying you will be happy to write a recommendation, but you would like to meet the daughter first. Ask her to bring a resume and picture.

Try to keep in mind that you are doing your sorority a favor. Be specific in your letter - saying she is sweet and involved will do nothing for her or them. Give details so they will be able to connect her with a sister who has similar interests. Depending on the school, a picture can be very helpful, and they are often not allowed to directly ask for one.

gee_ess · #2 04-28-2008, 11:12 PM

Just like the many discussions on competitive rush elsewhere on GC, the recs (and what is included or not included) varies based on where the rec is going. The OP says that recs are very important for her pnm so this info is pertinent.

Many many pnm's at campuses like Texas, Arkansas, Alabama know their roommates early in the spring - if they choose to select a roommate. If they go "potluck" they still know who they are rooming with by May.

With regards to knowing the "extra" info, this is another way to help actives identify the pnm. During rec sessions (which can be grueling and long at campuses where 800+ girls go through) mentioning who the name of her roommate, or what dorm she lives in, etc is helpful.

Working to make your rec standout amid the sea of other recs, thus helping your pnm stand out amid the sea of pnm's is often just as important as what the pnm's do themselves. Sorry, it's a fact.

I have been known to draw keys and fleur de lis all around the border of my recs to get their attention!

gee_ess · #3 04-29-2008, 08:43 AM

I think the "what the parents do for a living" topic varies from campus to campus. I haven't heard it mentioned outloud in a rec session unless it is noted because mom or dad is someone that they might know like the head football coach's daughter, the head of the Komen Foundation, big alum, etc. But that may not be the case elsewhere, nor does it make it wrong.

Haven't you ever been introduced to someone or been told about someone( for a job, date, etc) and had lots of seemingly random info at your disposal? "I want you to meet Ted. He works with my friend at XYZ and lives about two blocks from XYZ" It is a way to identify someone, not necessarily label him.

In either case, I have to say (AGAIN) that recruitment tactics and what chapters use for membership selection is often unique to that campus or type of recruitment. It is not very sisterly to be hypercritical of other's process ( quote "If that's how you choose your sisters,you get what you deserve") The OP just wanted some help from alums who write recs like she needs to write.

And yes, at some universities, freshmen know their roommates in the spring, they make room selections by the end of May...definitely.

gee_ess · #4 04-29-2008, 04:36 PM

VP -
I understand that you are offended by the "what her parents do" issue. But I think you are reading too much into it and giving this one teeny tiny bit of info way too much weight in the process. I really have to say that I do not think it is that prevalent of a topic for recs and/or rec sessions. Like I stated, I have not seen it much at all...but if it IS mentioned in a rec or as part of a girl's identifying info, so be it. It is not the end of the world and definitely not the only reason she is cut or invited back. It is potentially just one more way to identify her, learn about her, etc.

I am sorry I misquoted you, but I still think to say, "Every chapter has the right to select their members by any criteria they want, but if that's how you choose your sisters, you deserve what you get." doesn't really foster positive relationships.

I can only comment on my experience with this and the extent (or lack thereof) that this info is used. We can agree to disagree.

UGAalum94 · #5 04-29-2008, 05:06 PM

I may have told this story before, but when I was a PNM and we were chit chatting on the sidewalk before one of the parties, I asked another PNM what her dad did for a living, and she and another PNM is my group exchanged knowing looks.

I was actually only asking because she had moved around quite a bit and I was curious about the career field. But it can be a really loaded question because many people take it to be about income level and social prominence even when it's not asked as such.

Looking back, I would have been better off asking, "was your dad or mom in the Army*?" if that was what I was thinking.

Similarly, I think the rec writer providing the information could give the chapter a lot of valuable information that really wasn't just a proxy for social class but that it would be helpful to provide that context, rather than just the "her dad's a doctor."

*ETA: not that everyone who moves around a lot is in the Army.

JennRN · #6 05-06-2008, 08:16 PM

Hijacking the thread for a second-

I am writing a rec letter for my cousin for this fall. DG has a form we fill out, and that was all I was going to send to the chapter at her school. However, she sent me her transcripts, a resume, and 3 pictures of herself. Am I supposed to send all that in with my form? Because I was under the impression that she would send that stuff in herself to each house. I don't want to leave them out if I'm not supposed to though! Thoughts??

UGAalum94 · #7 05-06-2008, 08:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JennRN

Hijacking the thread for a second-

I am writing a rec letter for my cousin for this fall. DG has a form we fill out, and that was all I was going to send to the chapter at her school. However, she sent me her transcripts, a resume, and 3 pictures of herself. Am I supposed to send all that in with my form? Because I was under the impression that she would send that stuff in herself to each house. I don't want to leave them out if I'm not supposed to though! Thoughts??

I can't speak for Delta Gamma, but there does seem to be some duplication at some colleges about what the girls would send to the schools themselves as they registered and what people send along with recs. I would think that the chapter would probably like those things (the transcript, resume, photos) from you even if she does submit it herself though panhellenic because, if nothing else, they'd get it much earlier. And I my experience is that I can't always put everything on the form anyway.

FSUZeta · #8 05-06-2008, 08:39 PM

pnms are not supposed to be sending personal information to specific chapters. perhaps they can send the information to the campus panhellenic office and panhellenic distributes it to each chapter, but it is the responsibility of the alumnae writing the recommendations for her to send information to the appropriate chapters.

go ahead and send in the resume,transcript and photos with your rec. form. if the chapter does not want it, they can just detach it from the rec. form.
good luck to your cousin!

JennRN · #9 05-06-2008, 09:22 PM

Thanks ladies! I am so excited for her and wanted to do this the right way! I'm hoping she'll even share her story with us come this fall-or at least let me share it for her!

gee_ess · #10 05-06-2008, 10:21 PM

Yes, go ahead and send everything with your rec. It has been my experience that the necessity of these extras varies from school to school. Better to send it all than have the chapter feel something is missing. Like FSUzeta said, they can just detach and pitch what they don't want or need.

JennRN · #11 05-07-2008, 06:11 PM

Crap!! I think I messed this up already! So, I filled out the DG form for sponsorship, and sent in the whole package (pictures, resume, etc) in to the chapter today.
Tonight I got an email from my cousin thanking me for the letter of support-in her words, she can get a rec letter from anyone, but I know her so well, and it means alot. Crap!! Was I supposed to write more??? Like, a whole seperate letter as well? Should I write another letter, as an addendum, and send it in also?

UGAalum94 · #12 05-07-2008, 06:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JennRN

Crap!! I think I messed this up already! So, I filled out the DG form for sponsorship, and sent in the whole package (pictures, resume, etc) in to the chapter today.
Tonight I got an email from my cousin thanking me for the letter of support-in her words, she can get a rec letter from anyone, but I know her so well, and it means alot. Crap!! Was I supposed to write more??? Like, a whole seperate letter as well? Should I write another letter, as an addendum, and send it in also?

It wouldn't hurt I guess, but don't be too hard one yourself. If you need to do something differently, you've still got time.

Did you already say what campus? Some Greek Chatters could weigh in about what's expected. Apparently, and I haven't seen this for myself, at some campuses multiple recs/letter can be the norm.

You could also try to contact someone at the chapter to see what they'd like and find helpful. Sometimes I think PNMs and their moms decide that more is better, but a recruitment (or membership) chair and adviser could let you know the real deal for that campus.

If the person knows you in real life and can advise about how the rec will be used, so much the better.

JennRN · #13 05-07-2008, 06:50 PM

I didn't mention the campus yet, but it's USC in California

FSUZeta · #14 05-07-2008, 08:08 PM

if i know the pnm well, i always include a letter with the recommendation form and the pnms resume/photo. in a letter i can elaborate on the attributes that the pnm has that would be an asset to the chapter-musical ability, organization skills, time management skills, leadership skills. etc.
(listing those skills reminded me of napoleon dynamite-"nun chuk skills, bow skills....)

i can also explain any honors or scholarships she has been awarded-the name of the award alone does not always explain what the heck it is.

JennRN · #15 05-07-2008, 08:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FSUZeta

(listing those skills reminded me of napoleon dynamite-"nun chuk skills, bow skills....)

There's a ton of gangs at this school-they all wanted me to join cuz I'm good with a bowstaff....

HA!
Ok then I'm thinking I should send an addendum letter to the chapter. But will I look like, Crazy Alum Lady sending a bunch of different letters at different times??