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My biological sister went through recruitment while I was in active chapter and it was a very emotionally charged experience for me. I, personally, was petrified she would join another sorority. I know, I know, not very Panhellenic of me... Thankfully you are more openminded than I was!
I made the decision not to recruit Rachel. She was aware of this decision as I wanted her to get to know the rest of the chapter. She saw me interacting, recruiting other PNM's, etc, but I didn't really talk to her.
Then came pref....do I pref her or do I not? I did end up preffing her, which she later said she was grateful for. I was a disaster (this was much harder on me than her) and she was completely cool. In the end, she accepted a bid from Alpha Xi Delta, to which I was extremely relieved.
Years later, she and I completely value the time we had together in college. I was very involved as a collegiate and now as an alumnae. She was just one of those members who enjoyed it, but didn't go above and beyond. Now she loves hearing my stories and gives money when I tell her she needs to (hahaha!).
My advice...
1. Be a better sister than me and try not to get too emotionally involved.
2. Allow her to get to know the chapter through conversations with other sisters. Of course, let her see you participating and interacting.
3. Don't be afraid to pref her! I was and I would have regretted it if I didn't.
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