Friends who disappear when they find a boyfriend/girlfriend

AKA_Monet · #1 03-05-2008, 02:20 AM

As for dating and boyfriends/girlfriends, if you desire a long term relationship with commitment, your other relationships must change. Some will have to cease and desist. Some relationships will improve over time. If they are your friends, they will be happy for you and your joy and will want you be truly be yourself and all that you are. EFF them if they don't.

DSTCHAOS · #2 03-05-2008, 11:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

As for dating and boyfriends/girlfriends, if you desire a long term relationship with commitment, your other relationships must change. Some will have to cease and desist. Some relationships will improve over time. If they are your friends, they will be happy for you and your joy and will want you be truly be yourself and all that you are. EFF them if they don't.

Ditto.

I firmly believe that every person you're real cool with isn't your "friend" and every "friend" isn't necessarily a friend for life. Relationships transform and some will be let go of. That never bothers me because the true friendships last.

Besides, I'm not one for having a bunch of "friends," anyway...I'm too claustrophobic for that.

AlethiaSi · #3 03-05-2008, 12:00 PM

Oye, this topic is all too relevant right now. One of my roommates/ BFF was dating someone and they made it "official" yesterday (trying not to gag) and we got into a huge fight 2 weeks ago over a bunch of stuff, but mostly because she would totally change when she was around him. She enjoys dominating everything when he's around, especially because he's soft spoken... I still live with her but they work at the same restaurant together, so they come to our house, spend all night together, the next day and then work together again... (he's back of house and she's front)...

At first, I wasn't jealous so the fight wasn't about that, and I actually do like him so I was happy for her... But honestly, I just don't see the point, it's not like they're going to be together for a long time...
Now I find myself more jealous than I was... but mostly, she HAS fallen off the face of the earth, and I don't see why she should be wasting her time with him...

am i an awful person? lol

My view of this topic is skewed b/c of the current situation so please forgive my bitching....

Cardinal026 · #4 03-05-2008, 12:09 PM

I saw a lot of this with friends from college, as we've all graduated and have busy jobs/serious relationships, etc. My three closest girlfriends and I solved this by arranging "boyfriend playdates."

We go out on the weekends to bars that have pool tables (all our boyfriends/fiances are big pool players) or TVs with sports games on, etc, with a downstairs floor that has dancing for us, or a quieter area to talk, and then we can mix and mingle groups. Sometimes we'll go to someone's house for RockBand or Guitar Hero and card games. In the last six months, we've had more couples and singles join our group of going out, and there are now about 20 of us that mix it up.

I know this wouldn't work for everyone, but we got REALLY lucky, and its definitely a lot of fun having all your favorites together.

Munchkin03 · #5 03-05-2008, 12:21 PM

I think this is really common if the person is older than HS/college age when they have their first serious relationship.

When people are older/a little more mature and experienced, they know how to mix the different sides of their personal lives.

I think we should have a thread on friends who settle in relationships. And I mean REALLY settle. If they aren't that choosy about who they're sleeping with, then does that mean that they aren't that choosy about who their friends are?

KSUViolet06 · #6 03-05-2008, 01:46 PM

It happens al the time. I agree that it's a sign of immaturity.

I've noticed that girls who disappear when they have boyfriends also end up ditching all of their old hobbies and interests in favor of his.

Example: Sally used to like running, dance, and scrapbooking. However when she started dating Bob, she stops doing all of that. Now all she does is watch WWE wrestling, go to WWE events, and wear black wrestling tees with jean shorts. True story.

As far as hanging out with couples, I don't really mind if we're going somewhere with other girls who are going to have bf's there. My only issue is when I want to do something "girly" with JUST girl friends and one bf always has to tag along (it's usually the one who's a douche and we all hate). Example: If I want to go get pedicures with some girlfriends, and Sally is like "Oh that sounds like fun, can Bob come too?" Umm no.

It's also disturbing when girls have to ASK PERMISSION from a bf to go somewhere like the mall. I understand if you're engaged or married and we were going to go out and get wasted, and maybe he might take issue with that. But we are just going to the mall. What do you mean "he won't LET you?"