How to help PNMs who don't get first choice?

[UGAalum94]

I think the fewer people who know it was her second choice the better.

The only thing that panhellenic should do, in my opinion, is to make sure PNMs know that they could be matched to any group on the bid card, and that if she isn't going to be happy with her second and third choices, she probably shouldn't list them.

ETA: It would be disastrous to morale to tell the new members that they were actually way down on the bid list and only got bids because everyone the chapter liked better wanted other groups. Similarly, no one benefits, as near as I can guess, and a lot of harm can be done by the chapter realizing how many of their new members listed the chapter as a second or third choice. It's probably better all the way around to believe that the mutual selection process worked well, that the group and the girl have found each other, and that everyone is really excited about it.

More pragmatically, if the girl is still really disappointed, you're going to find out whether you want to or not.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by UGAalum94

I think the fewer people who know it was her second choice the better.

The only thing that panhellenic should do, in my opinion, is to make sure PNMs know that they could be matched to any group on the bid card, and that if she isn't going to be happy with her second and third choices, she probably shouldn't list them.

I agree. If the member opens up at some point in the future and tells the sisters what her choice was, that's her prerogative, but other than that, it should not come up.

If the chapter liked her enough to put her on their bid list, they more than likely will make her feel welcome & tell her they're happy she's there - even if they have no clue that she listed them 2nd or 3rd. If the new member wants to keep reminding herself she got her second choice, well, she's just making herself miserable.

If it's a case of the chapter is struggling and took everyone they could, well, that's harder. Hopefully the adversity will help everyone to bond.

[adpiucf]

I really think it is an issue that the new member needs to learn to handle on her own. It may be disappointing to not receive your first choice bid. However, at the risk of sounding cynical: that's life. The sooner you figure out you're not always going to get 100% of what you want when you want it, the better.

If anything, Panhellenic should address this issue with the Recruitment Counselors. After pref card signing, or possibly even before, the counselors should sit down with their PNM's and discuss best and worst-case scenarios, offer support and prepare the women for the possibility that they may or may not receive their top choice. And to also remember that while it is their prerogative to accept their bid or not, that the chapter who has accepted her is very excited to welcome her as a sister. And if she is going to come to their home on Bid Day, she can either be a happy and willing guest, or she should just go home. Bid Day is a celebration. If the worst thing that has happened to you in 18 years is to get rejected from your top choice sorority (after 3-4 20 minute meetings with the members over a week-long period), you're actually in better shape than 99% of the rest of the world population.

I'm cynical, yes. But these girls need to grow up sometime. I remember how emotional recruitment was when I was participating as a collegian. But big picture: You haven't committed social suicide by getting a bid to ABC instead of XYZ, and you're being given the opportunity to become part of an exclusive organization that will give you amazing opportunities and experiences.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by adpiucf

I really think it is an issue that the new member needs to learn to handle on her own. It may be disappointing to not receive your first choice bid. However, at the risk of sounding cynical: that's life. The sooner you figure out you're not always going to get 100% of what you want when you want it, the better.

I totally agree. So you got your 2nd choice? Okay. You could've NOT gotten a bid at all. You should just be excited that these people are happy to have you and enojy your new member period. If you find that you can't do that, depledge and don't continue to waste the sorority's time and yours.

[carnation]

Originally Posted by UGAalum94

I think the fewer people who know it was her second choice the better.

ETA: It would be disastrous to morale to tell the new members that they were actually way down on the bid list and only got bids because everyone the chapter liked better wanted other groups.

I saw this older thread down at the bottom of some recruitment threads and suddenly remembered a time when that happened and it almost killed the chapter. This college had 2 sororities that pretty much took who they wanted every year. So a third sorority decided to "challenge" them and go after the most desirable girls in recruitment.

This did not end well. Not only did they ignore a lot of PNMs who were more like the women they usually pledged, but they were second choice for many women who got their first choices. They didn't make quota and also didn't waste any time in telling the new members what a huge disappointment they were (I heard it from someone who was actually there and heard the whole thing). Then, of course, a lot of new members quit immediately.

I always figured that some ill-advised alum had that bright idea.

[33girl]

It does a chapter good to break out of the “we could never get Awesome Ashley” mindset - because you never know, Awesome Ashley may have had it with the hypersocial lifestyle, wants college to be different and wants a down to earth group of sisters, not the popularity queens that she’s been told a zillion times she is a natural for. That being said, ignoring Average Audra at her expense is a bad plan. You have to find a way to make both things work.

[carnation]

The alum who was at Bid Day told me they thought they (let's call them PQ) were going to nab most of the Awesome Ashleys on campus. Because the whole campus seemed to know which girls were really only planning on going AB or CD, AB had cut the girls who were surely going CD and vice versa. So this left a lot of girls who would have only had 1 pref but they chose to go to PQ for the second, knowing that for them it was their first choice or nothing.

And practically all the PNMs got their first choice, leaving PQ with their third bid list--which they then told their new members.

[ZTA72]

Originally Posted by carnation

The alum who was at Bid Day told me they thought they (let's call them PQ) were going to nab most of the Awesome Ashleys on campus. Because the whole campus seemed to know which girls were really only planning on going AB or CD, AB had cut the girls who were surely going CD and vice versa. So this left a lot of girls who would have only had 1 pref but they chose to go to PQ for the second, knowing that for them it was their first choice or nothing.

And practically all the PNMs got their first choice, leaving PQ with their third bid list--which they then told their new members.

They actually told their new members they were last choice?

[carnation]

They sure did! They let them know that they were scraping the bottom of the barrel with their pledge class. Had it not been a reliable woman who witnessed this and told me about it, I never would've believed it. She did not care that it was her own sorority she was telling me about--she was furious that they had treated their new members like crap!

[ZTA72]

Originally Posted by carnation

They sure did! They let them know that they were scraping the bottom of the barrel with their pledge class. Had it not been a reliable woman who witnessed this and told me about it, I never would've believed it. She did not care that it was her own sorority she was telling me about--she was furious that they had treated their new members like crap!

That is incredibly unkind and a lot of other words I probably should not say on here.