Smoking Still?

AGDee · #1 02-05-2008, 02:41 PM

For me, the cinnamon gives the same kind of sensation in the throat that a big long hit of a cigarette would give.

Well, here I am, almost 8 months later, and STILL battling this every single day. It's still the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning, after lunch at work, after work, when I'm done doing the dishes, etc. In fact, there are certain things that I have a really hard time doing.. like the dishes. Used to be, we would finish dinner, I would go outside for my smoke and then come in and do the dishes. Then I'd go smoke again. It was like a reward for getting through the really nasty parts of life (like washing dishes when you're exhausted from a busy day at work, etc). Now, there are no rewards so it all just sucks. Therefore, some days, the dishes don't get done because I can't bring myself to do them. I'm still very very sleepy all the time, which is weird. I miss it when I finish a big project at work or something.. like I said, it was my reward. After doing something I was dreading, I knew that reward was at the end. I haven't found anything that can replace it yet.

I've also gained 35 pounds...

ETA: I am still also very high strung. I sometimes wonder if I'll ever know what it feels like to be calm and relaxed again. I miss being calm, peaceful and content most of the time.

AlethiaSi · #2 02-05-2008, 02:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AGDee

For me, the cinnamon gives the same kind of sensation in the throat that a big long hit of a cigarette would give.

Well, here I am, almost 8 months later, and STILL battling this every single day. It's still the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning, after lunch at work, after work, when I'm done doing the dishes, etc. In fact, there are certain things that I have a really hard time doing.. like the dishes. Used to be, we would finish dinner, I would go outside for my smoke and then come in and do the dishes. Then I'd go smoke again. It was like a reward for getting through the really nasty parts of life (like washing dishes when you're exhausted from a busy day at work, etc). Now, there are no rewards so it all just sucks. Therefore, some days, the dishes don't get done because I can't bring myself to do them. I'm still very very sleepy all the time, which is weird. I miss it when I finish a big project at work or something.. like I said, it was my reward. After doing something I was dreading, I knew that reward was at the end. I haven't found anything that can replace it yet.

I've also gained 35 pounds...

ETA: I am still also very high strung. I sometimes wonder if I'll ever know what it feels like to be calm and relaxed again. I miss being calm, peaceful and content most of the time.

I know what you mean about the reward system thing, I smoked after I cleaned, or I needed a break in cleaning, after completing something at work, or getting through the day (pathetic, but true), it was either smoking, or i'd let myself indulge in a favorite food (usually macaroni and cheese, or some other comfort food) I've been doing my best to not do either, but I feel very empty, and am trying to find joys in other things, but it's not the same.

I wish I liked cinnamon gum, or gum at all, mints seem to work better for me....

AGDee · #3 02-05-2008, 02:56 PM

After getting through the day is another really tough time for me. When I would finally get both kids settled in bed, I'd sit on the porch, all by myself and Whoosh, enjoy the peace with a cigarette. I really wish I could find something (legal) that gives me that same sense of calm because I fear that's what will drive me back to cigarettes. I want to cry about it sometimes even.

AlethiaSi · #4 02-07-2008, 11:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AGDee

After getting through the day is another really tough time for me. When I would finally get both kids settled in bed, I'd sit on the porch, all by myself and Whoosh, enjoy the peace with a cigarette. I really wish I could find something (legal) that gives me that same sense of calm because I fear that's what will drive me back to cigarettes. I want to cry about it sometimes even.

I know what you're going through and it really is hard, I feel like I've lost a companion or something, it was something to keep me busy, something to calm me down, reward, etc. I barely got 2 hours of sleep last night because I was lying awake thinking, when I did sleep, I had nightmares and really crazy dreams where people were trying to get me to smoke (one of the ladies that works in another office here at my work (who doesn't even smoke) was like come on, try it, you know you want one, just one drag, come on, and i was like nooooo and then I woke up)... talk about cliché.

stay strong, it's going to be ok. How long has it been? I know it's only been a few days for me but I took a drag off my friend's cig 2 days ago and it tasted so disgusting to me, and I just think about how many chemicals are in every puff. I know this is the usual info that's in so much of the literature, but I try to keep thinking about it every time I want one.