Smoking Still?

[AGDee]

For me, the cinnamon gives the same kind of sensation in the throat that a big long hit of a cigarette would give.

Well, here I am, almost 8 months later, and STILL battling this every single day. It's still the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning, after lunch at work, after work, when I'm done doing the dishes, etc. In fact, there are certain things that I have a really hard time doing.. like the dishes. Used to be, we would finish dinner, I would go outside for my smoke and then come in and do the dishes. Then I'd go smoke again. It was like a reward for getting through the really nasty parts of life (like washing dishes when you're exhausted from a busy day at work, etc). Now, there are no rewards so it all just sucks. Therefore, some days, the dishes don't get done because I can't bring myself to do them. I'm still very very sleepy all the time, which is weird. I miss it when I finish a big project at work or something.. like I said, it was my reward. After doing something I was dreading, I knew that reward was at the end. I haven't found anything that can replace it yet.

I've also gained 35 pounds...

ETA: I am still also very high strung. I sometimes wonder if I'll ever know what it feels like to be calm and relaxed again. I miss being calm, peaceful and content most of the time.