Pregnant and in a sorority

[epchick]

There was a Zeta at my university (at the time I was going through rush) who was still an active & a mom at the same time. Just be honest with your sisters.

[Scandia]

eta -Wait - Christians don't get pregnant??? Even a "Christian" sorority would, I hope, "hate the sin but love the sinner". I would shudder to think that kicking a member out would be their "Christian" response. WWJD, indeed.

Amen to that! Part of the Christian morals include extending a helping hand- NOT pushing others down.

Plus prohibitions against premarital sex are part of the tenets of many religions, not just Christianity.

Best wishes on your pregnancy.

[ztaberry28]

Thanks to all of you for your helpful advice, My boyfriend and I are keeping the baby and getting married in December after he graduates and I intend to probably take a semester off in the fall. My biggest concern is how I can tell my sisters and them not get upset and make it into a drama fest when this is something that is really important to me. Alot of the seniors in our chapter are very judgemental towards us younger girls and feel that we are "too wild" and I am afraid this will just be an excuse for them to lash out. I know that sounds messed up because were supposed to be sisters, but not everyone is perfect and I love the sisters that Im close to and my pledge class very much. Luckily my grand big is the president and her and I are very close so Im thinking of telling my family first and letting them help me decide... Its rough but Im happy and healthy and in the end thats all that matters

ZLAM

[knight_shadow]

Originally Posted by ztaberry28

Im happy and healthy and in the end thats all that matters

Very true. Good luck with everything.

[nittanyalum]

Originally Posted by ztaberry28

Thanks to all of you for your helpful advice, My boyfriend and I are keeping the baby and getting married in December after he graduates and I intend to probably take a semester off in the fall. My biggest concern is how I can tell my sisters and them not get upset and make it into a drama fest when this is something that is really important to me. Alot of the seniors in our chapter are very judgemental towards us younger girls and feel that we are "too wild" and I am afraid this will just be an excuse for them to lash out. I know that sounds messed up because were supposed to be sisters, but not everyone is perfect and I love the sisters that Im close to and my pledge class very much. Luckily my grand big is the president and her and I are very close so Im thinking of telling my family first and letting them help me decide... Its rough but Im happy and healthy and in the end thats all that matters

ZLAM

Well I haven't seen any responses from Zeta's here yet (that I can tell) so maybe you've heard from them by PM, the rest of us can only tell you what we hope or guess would be the case. We don't know your seniors or campus, but my guess is you're fearing the absolute worst case scenario and it won't be that bad. Talking to your "family" first sounds like a great plan, particularly if your big is the President. And if you or she are close with any of your alumnae or advisors, perhaps you tell them first too before telling the chapter to get as much advice, perspective and support as you can.

I understand the "oh no!" scenarios people are saying could happen with the "reputation" concerns, etc., but I think you have a much different situation than someone, say, who just had a one-night stand and got pregnant. This is your boyfriend, you're getting married, your families assumably know, presented with all of that context, you may just get lots of girls jumping up and screaming and excited about throwing you a shower and being an "aunt". Maybe consider having a candlelighting, blow it out for "engagement", let everyone lose their minds with excitement, and throw out at the end "and we're pregnant!" That way, the pregnancy "follows" the news about your being engaged. Then, if you've already decided with the President and alumnae/advisors that you're going alum, let everyone know and stop wearing your letters as you start to show out of consideration for the "name" of the group. I don't think people will be as concerned about it as you fear, depending on how you present the information, then present yourself afterward.

If you and your fiance are excited and ready for this, then good for you, and I'm betting your chapter will support you (for the most part, there are always "those sisters" in every chapter, but ignore them). Congratulations and good luck!


ETA: Strike my comment about there not being feedback from ZTA's yet, Sthrn just popped in while I was typing!

[violetpretty]

Originally Posted by ztaberry28

On the brightside if its a girl it would be a legacy and if its a boy it would be a triple legacy for pi kappa phi, so itll be very greek...

Your daughter (if you have one now or in the future) won't be a legacy if you withdraw, but she will be if you go early alum.

Originally Posted by ztaberry28

My biggest concern is how I can tell my sisters and them not get upset and make it into a drama fest when this is something that is really important to me.

Oh, avoiding drama is only important IRL, not on message boards.

[skylark]

Originally Posted by violetpretty

Your daughter (if you have one now or in the future) won't be a legacy if you withdraw, but she will be if you go early alum.

Good call! All these things are what I was afraid that perhaps ztaberry wasn't thinking through. Even if she never chooses to be an active alum, imagine her daughter not having the boost of being a legacy in recruitment! And some groups allow and encourage legacy-mothers to be present at their daughter's initiations... that's another experience she'd be potentially giving up along with the legacy distinction.

To me, it doesn't make sense not to fight this... but to each her own.

[SthrnZeta]

Originally Posted by skylark

To me, it doesn't make sense not to fight this... but to each her own.

Especially when it would be such an easy fight!!!

[knight_shadow]

^^^ Thank you. I've been in my fraternity for 5 years, so of course I've dealt with the "public image" thing, but I've never experienced it happening with a pregnancy. But then again, we don't have to deal with formal recruitment, so I'm sure that's why I've been in the dark with this.

Anyway, I hope the OP does fine, whatever route she decides to take.

[Just interested]

I think KSU Violet gave you the absolute best advice. I doubt they will "pull your pin" as we use to say but emergency alum status is a possibility. You MUST check with your advisor who knows how your sorority works. Trust me you are not the first nor will you be the last. I am happy that you are feeling positive about your news and I know it will work out with your sisters.

[SthrnZeta]

Congrats Sister! If you and your Zeta family decide it's best to go ahead and tell everyone - which at some point you'll have to - why not make it known that you are happy about this and hope that your sisters will support you by having a candlelight instead of acting like it's some big secret? If they all know how happy you are, they will be too. Set the tone yourself and they'll follow suit. Good luck, ZLAM!

[Leslie Anne]

Originally Posted by SthrnZeta

why not make it known that you are happy about this and hope that your sisters will support you by having a candlelight instead of acting like it's some big secret? If they all know how happy you are, they will be too. Set the tone yourself and they'll follow suit.

I was wondering if anyone was going to suggest a candlelight. I'm completely with SthrnZeta on this. Celebrate it! Does the chapter know you're getting married in December?

It's not the 1950's anymore. Sure, it might not be ideal timing, but you're getting married and having a baby! This is happy news. Don't worry about reputations. You're not doing anything wrong.

Congratulations and best wishes!

[AnatraAmore]

Originally Posted by SthrnZeta

Congrats Sister! If you and your Zeta family decide it's best to go ahead and tell everyone - which at some point you'll have to - why not make it known that you are happy about this and hope that your sisters will support you by having a candlelight instead of acting like it's some big secret? If they all know how happy you are, they will be too. Set the tone yourself and they'll follow suit. Good luck, ZLAM!

First, congrats on the little one! Second, we have done candle passes for alumnae sisters who were expecting... it's a magical and wonderful moment! I hope you'll be able to have an amazing experience when you tell the chapter and that they'll be supportive. (I love Carnation's example of the sorority throwing a shower - what an experience that must have been from such a large group of women!) Best of luck!!!

[carnation]

Just thinking...I can tell you as the reigning queen of pregnancies around here (haha!) that nearer the end of your pregnancy, your thoughts will center obsessively on the baby. Your house could burn down around you, your neighbors could fly to Venus, and all you'll be thinking about is your pregnancy and your baby.

So don't be surprised later on if staying active is the last thing on your mind...

[ZTAngel]

While I was pledging, I remember one of the seniors getting pregnant. She took early alum status. Everyone in my chapter was very understanding of her situation. I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide to do.