My situation is complicated. I need some input.

[Senusret I]

Read the constitution and bylaws of your fraternity and chapter from cover to cover. Read your student handbook. You will most likely find that they can't force you to disaffiliate. But read it for yourself.

Look closely at the people who are telling you these "rumors" -- do they REALLY have your best interests at heart or are they keeping shit going?

My friends know to "don't bring me bad news" -- YOUR friends need to learn how to diffuse any trash talking they hear about you without bringing it to you, as it is clearly making you more miserable than if you didn't know, or if it had been handled.

I mean really, that's so high school and it irritates me. One of my sponsors (person who guided me through intake) is the same way and it really hurt our relationship. Messy, messy brother.

Most importantly, you don't have to be tired of living a lie -- live YOUR truth. Your real friends and true brothers will have your back. And I bet you that if some aren't already gay and you just don't know it, then you will have some supportive alumni who have walked in your shoes.

Good luck!

[AOII Angel]

I completely agree with Sensuret. If they are talking about your homosexuality behind your back, come clean and tell them the truth face to face. If they can't handle the truth, then make a decision about deactivating. That being said, I'm sure your fraternity has a non-discrimination policy that may allow you to become an alum rather than deactivate if the local chapter isn't welcoming to you once you tell them the truth. Don't be embarrassed about who you are. Their attitudes about you are a mirror of your attitudes about yourself. After that, you can't fight ingrained bigotry. The truth is out there in pieces, so it's too late to pretend you're straight. I wish you the best of luck.

[nate2512]

Well it most certainly depends on where you go to school, how well the gay community is received at that particularly college and such. With that being said, you should definitely tell the truth soon. If they are not receptive and do not want you stay active then why would you? But you should tell them the truth, see how they take it, then decide what you want to do and whats best. If they aren't receptive but they cant make you drop, then chances are they will either leave you out of a lot of things, or will so cruel to you to make you want to drop. A lot of straight people are frightened by the thought of homosexuality, especially when that person is a member of the same fraternity, they may feel you joined to get close to another guy or whatever, with that being said the only way you will know how to make the right decision is to come clean and see how the brothers respond. Either way you will feel a lot better about yourself.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Senusret I

Look closely at the people who are telling you these "rumors" -- do they REALLY have your best interests at heart or are they keeping shit going?

My friends know to "don't bring me bad news" -- YOUR friends need to learn how to diffuse any trash talking they hear about you without bringing it to you, as it is clearly making you more miserable than if you didn't know, or if it had been handled.

This is so true, not just in this situation but in a lot of things. The "I'm telling you this is going on because I'm your true friend" is a bunch of bull 99.99999% of the time - it's just someone who wants to feel like they have the upper hand on everyone. They are thinking of themselves, not you.

[Still BLUTANG]

Originally Posted by 33girl

This is so true, not just in this situation but in a lot of things. The "I'm telling you this is going on because I'm your true friend" is a bunch of bull 99.99999% of the time - it's just someone who wants to feel like they have the upper hand on everyone. They are thinking of themselves, not you.

i disagree. i would be PISSED if there was trash talk behind my back and my friends knew about it but said nothing to me. I also expect them to defend me or at least diffuse the rumor, because i'd do the same for them. i might come out looking like an ass for it, but i don't want to be counted among those who knew but said nothing.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Still BLUTANG

i disagree. i would be PISSED if there was trash talk behind my back and my friends knew about it but said nothing to me. I also expect them to defend me or at least diffuse the rumor, because i'd do the same for them. i might come out looking like an ass for it, but i don't want to be counted among those who knew but said nothing.

There's a difference between a very good friend who says "Jeff keeps saying shit behind your back, be careful what you tell him" who you know read Jeff the riot act, and one who comes to you practically salivating because they have some more "drama" of trash talk to share with you - and you're pretty sure they just sat there and said nothing when Jeff started yapping. I'm talking about #2.

In the OP's case, I'm guessing the "close friends" he told are #2 or this news wouldn't have circulated back to his brothers in the first place.

[Kevin]

My chapter is composed of a lot of conservative guys -- many are very religious, many are from small towns, many are (insert stereotype here). Recently, one of our actives came out to the chapter in meeting.

I'm told that there was 100% support for this individual. No one is talking any kind of trash, things went better than he ever expected.

I disagree with all of these people saying that you need to talk to advisers and things of that nature to be able to chart what sort of support you'd have. Respectfully, that's a bunch of crap.

Just make an announcement in the middle of meeting. If they can't deal with it, tough. I don't think you should expect anything other than 100% support from your brothers.

[Tom Earp]

There is a book, soft cover out that talks about Gays and how they came out or not.

Sent it to a LXA Brother who sent it to me!

I was not ready for gays or blacks, but, I learned to get over it when I got to know and meet them.

Many times, they work harder and are not appreciated nearly as much.