Dropping Out Post-Initiation

lilly1 · #1 12-26-2007, 03:45 PM

I am really struggling with a decision at hand. I have been a part of my sorority for a semester. When I joined--I loved it! And I am still happy with the choice I made about choosing my chapter, but I am really no longer happy with having chosen to be a part of a sorority after all. I truly cannot afford it, and just don't really see it as an important part of my life. I have friends in my chapter, but the girls I click the most with aren't Greek at my school. As I've had time off, away from school and sorority life, I have decided that I want to drop out. How do I begin to go through this process, and how do I go about informing my chapter of my decision without hurting feelings or losing the friends I have made thus far?

#2 12-26-2007, 03:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lilly1

I am really struggling with a decision at hand. I have been a part of my sorority for a semester. When I joined--I loved it! And I am still happy with the choice I made about choosing my chapter, but I am really no longer happy with having chosen to be a part of a sorority after all. I truly cannot afford it, and just don't really see it as an important part of my life. I have friends in my chapter, but the girls I click the most with aren't Greek at my school. As I've had time off, away from school and sorority life, I have decided that I want to drop out. How do I begin to go through this process, and how do I go about informing my chapter of my decision without hurting feelings or losing the friends I have made thus far?

Remember that sisterhood lasts a lifetime, not just for 4 years (or however long it'll take you to finish school). While I'm close to one or two of my chapter sisters, I've found over the years since becoming an alum that some of my greatest memories were made with sisters I had met online (through these forums) and at Convention.

You've only been a member for a semester. You obviously made a connection with this group in order to get a bid, stick with your new member program, and you allowed yourself to get initiated. You haven't even given yourself the chance to experience what the sorority has to offer.

If you're really serious about ending your membership, you should talk to your chapter's Executive Council/Board (whatever your sorority calls it) so that they can help you take care of any obligations you might still have. They'd be the best source of information.

AlphaFrog · #3 12-26-2007, 03:56 PM

Honestly, there are going to be girls who will be your friends, no matter your decision, and there are ones who will turn their backs on you, no matter how "nicely" you drop out.

And be prepared to answer this question: If you can't afford it, why did you join in the first place?

Also, about affording it - most sororities have one-time fees you pay your first semester, and aren't quite as expensive after that. And, if you are just dropping because you're not "feeling" it anymore - there is often a "let down" when you are no longer a pledge who is babied by the rest of the chapter, and are no longer getting the "Star" attention. It will get better when you get more involved with the workings behind your chapter.

#4 12-26-2007, 04:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

Also, about affording it - most sororities have one-time fees you pay your first semester, and aren't quite as expensive after that. And, if you are just dropping because you're not "feeling" it anymore - there is often a "let down" when you are no longer a pledge who is babied by the rest of the chapter, and are no longer getting the "Star" attention. It will get better when you get more involved with the workings behind your chapter.

I remember being overwhelmed with all the fees the first semester but my sister-mom told me from the beginning that it's not always going to be that expensive. Because I had two part-time jobs, I was confident that I was able to afford my dues and whatever social events I had to pay for.

I've sat on EC as both a collegian and alumna and the "let down" feeling was a big problem for us retaining new members.

AlphaFrog · #5 12-26-2007, 04:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OTW

I've sat on EC as both a collegian and alumna and the "let down" feeling was a big problem for us retaining new members.

I know there will be about 25 more superfluous comments about how this girl should stick it out, or "if you don't like it, just quit", or whatever, so why not take this opportunity to discuss things we can do to avoid that "let down" period.

Yeah, I know, the OP deserves her thread, whatever. She's made up her mind, and without knowing what sorority she's in (and I hope she doesn't say) no one can advise her on how to quit so...let's turn this into a positive discussion.

lilly1 · #6 12-26-2007, 04:26 PM

I see what you're both saying . . . however, I didn't really experience a "let down." My sorority didn't really baby us--it's not a glitz and glamour thing that used to be there and is all of a sudden gone. I'm not about to bore you with the story of my life--but a long story short was that I was going through hell and joined my sorority in hopes of giving myself an identity. I really didn't go about this entirely the right way, I wasn't truly honest to myself or my organization. I probably should not have been initiated, but I was, and I think deep down I do still want to do this . .. I don't know. I think I'm just trying to figure out what all of my options are. My first post seemed like I'd made up my mind--I think I'm really just trying to decide what to do

33girl · #7 12-26-2007, 04:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

I know there will be about 25 more superfluous comments about how this girl should stick it out, or "if you don't like it, just quit", or whatever, so why not take this opportunity to discuss things we can do to avoid that "let down" period.

-Your most recent initiates are your BEST resource for rush ideas and critiques. Use them!!! Let them know their input will make a difference.

-Stress responsibility. I think a lot of the "letdown" comes because you can't make pledges do anything and it can seem easy, but once you become an active, everything is mandatory. IMO it should be the other way around.

-Make sure the new girls KNOW that just because hanging out at the house, going out with sisters isn't "mandatory" - they will get out of it what they put into it. No one is going to beg them to hang out if they always blow people off.

I will probably think of more later.

AlphaFrog · #8 12-26-2007, 04:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lilly1

I think I'm just trying to figure out what all of my options are. My first post seemed like I'd made up my mind--I think I'm really just trying to decide what to do

Well, I think even if you don't have your mind made up - us discussing the transtion period between pledge and chapter leader could still be beneficial to you.

33girl · #9 12-26-2007, 04:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lilly1

long story short was that I was going through hell and joined my sorority in hopes of giving myself an identity.

Lilly, I can feel you on that one. The sorority doesn't make you, though - you make the sorority. You aren't the first girl to get those confused.

Tell your big or another sister you trust about whatever struggles you're going through - you might be surprised at how much they want to help you, but they can't if you don't open up.

#10 12-26-2007, 04:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lilly1

I probably should not have been initiated, but I was, and I think deep down I do still want to do this . .. I don't know. I think I'm just trying to figure out what all of my options are. My first post seemed like I'd made up my mind--I think I'm really just trying to decide what to do

You mentioned in your first post that you've made friends and you don't want to hurt any feelings. Have you talked about it at all with any of them?

lilly1 · #11 12-26-2007, 04:53 PM

I hadn't because I'd read on other posts (which and where I don't remember) that it was a bad idea to openly discuss thoughts of dropping. Girls Gossip, and I just didn't want it to turn in to a bigger deal than it had to be--regardless of my decision. I came on here for that reason--to stay anonymous and have some assistance

#12 12-26-2007, 04:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lilly1

I hadn't because I'd read on other posts (which and where I don't remember) that it was a bad idea to openly discuss thoughts of dropping. Girls Gossip, and I just didn't want it to turn in to a bigger deal than it had to be--regardless of my decision. I came on here for that reason--to stay anonymous and have some assistance

Even if you remain anonymous here, you'll hear over and over again from GCers that you need to open up and be honest with at least one of them.

If you can't trust any of them, then why even bother being in the sorority?

ForeverRoses · #13 12-26-2007, 05:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lilly1

I hadn't because I'd read on other posts (which and where I don't remember) that it was a bad idea to openly discuss thoughts of dropping. Girls Gossip, and I just didn't want it to turn in to a bigger deal than it had to be--regardless of my decision. I came on here for that reason--to stay anonymous and have some assistance

Do you have a big that you trust? Or something like a Chapter Relations person? Go to them and talk-- that's what they are supposed to be there for. Or did you really like your New Member Educator (pledge trainer, whatever they call them now) or even a Rho Chi/Gamma that you had. I know our Chapter Relations Chair had to keep all conversations like this confidential-- so no gossiping.

As for the let down- I think part of this is because of the shortened pledge periods. I was part of the first pledge class that moved to the 6-week pledge period (it had been 13 weeks). And we had several girls drop after Christmas break. It's like going home for Christmas made them decide to drop out.

lilly1 · #14 12-26-2007, 05:38 PM

Unfortunately, my big is gone for a semester abroad, and she and I never had the opportunity to really get to know each other, so a conversation like over facebook wouldn't work. We just elected a new council in the past month, but none of those girls are from my city, and I would like to have this talk face to face. I know it would vary most likely between sororities, but would a former counsel member be equally as respectful and confidential?

33girl · #15 12-26-2007, 05:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lilly1

I know it would vary most likely between sororities, but would a former counsel member be equally as respectful and confidential?

I would hope that ANY woman you have this talk w/ would be confidential - FR just suggested the chapter relations or membership director person because that's part of their job. But if the sister you feel the most comfortable discussing this with is the t-shirt chairman, talk to the t-shirt chairman.