Who is this Ron Paul?

[KAPital PHINUst]

In short, all the other major candidates, Dem or Rep aren't going to do a dang thing to improve this country. If anything, I guarantee you they will make it worse. If you hated Bush, you'll hate tenfold any of these other media-hyped oddballs, and you will regret voting for them for the rest of your life.

Okay, here's a summary:

Republicans:

Rudy Guiliani (The Ghoul): Bush times 10, only The Ghoul is much smarter and speaks much more eloquently. Also exploits 9/11 every chance he gets.

Mitt Romney (Great Mitten): Pretty boy Mormon who thinks he can charm his way into the White House. You're gonna learn real quick, what you see is what you get. All glitter and fluff, no substance.

John McCain (Ted Baxter): Former Vietnam POW that will push the Iraq war until 2050 if he wins the White House.

Fred Thompson (Randy Watson): A boring as f[rea]k dud that has no charisma whatsoever. When he asked for a round of applause after a boring speech, I always thought that after hearing silence after that speech, he should've shouted, "SEXUAL CHOCOLATE! He would've shown just a little bit of shine after that.

Mike Huckabee (The Hucklebuck): While I admire his Christian leanings, he is just as pro-war and pro-tax as any of the others would be, and that for me is a dealbreaker. Also, some of his dirt coming to light while he was governor is equally disturbing. I do look forward to seeing him on Meet the Press next week. Tim Russert is gonna whoop his TAIL like Mike Tyson the '88 Tyson/Spinks fight and I am going to ROTFL for the next three days.

Duncan Hunter: Who?

Alan Keyes: Lis-ten up, yall, 'cause Con-di's pissed.
She's tired of you I-raq pes-si-mists. Nuff said.


Democrats

Hillary Clinton: Simply put, she literally scares the snot outta me. She will actually be worse than Bush with the damage she will do to America. Don't believe me, listen to her speech on how America must win "THE NEW WAR!" (Iran?) Aww, shoot. Hillary must get her tail whipped in the general election at any and all costs.

Barack Obama: An overrated Congressional pro-war neophyte. Nuff said.

John Edwards: Another unimpressive candidate. Nuff said.

Dennis Kucinich: Ron Paul Lite. I can work with him if he can get rid of the pro-war attitude.

Joe Biden: Who?

Chris Dodd: Who?

Bill Richardson: Who?