Ex's and friends... forgiveness?

[33girl]

Originally Posted by AlethiaSi

For me, this happened after all of this went down, and I tried to talk to her, and then I realized that I didn't want to spend time with her anyway, she was annoying, rude, obnoxious, inconsiderate to me and to my friends, but I felt like no one else could see it. After all that, some of them did.
In some ways, it is a worse betrayal. I'm sorry that you had to go through that 33 (and/or are still going through it) Friendships that break up for whatever reason still really hurt...

Maybe I wouldn't have come to the same conclusion if this hadn't happened... but I guess it did happen and I did see her for what she was. (a trashy boyfriend stealing hoe )

The thing is, when she & I first started to have problems, I told my best friend some of the things she said & asked if I was overreacting. My BF went and said "I've never trusted her any further than I could throw her." Then everyone started coming out of the woodwork - it was like the time I broke up with my first boyfriend and everyone said afterwards that I was too good for him. I think they all thought that they didn't like her, but if I did it was OK...I've always been friends w/ people who don't get along w/ each other. I don't think any of us realized how treacherous she could be.

She just isn't in my life anymore, and while a childish part of me would like to "have it out" with her because we never really did, I honestly don't miss her (as in talking to her or doing things w/ her) at all. She betrayed my trust so much that I wouldn't feel comfy saying more than "hi" to her, and we had less in common as the years went on. It just got pointed up when I met people I clicked with immediately & felt like I'd known forever. I got through it and so will you. **hug**

[fyrnymph]

I don't understand the "honorary sister" thing. Aren't you either a sister, or not? Regardless, there's not much you can do about that without looking petty.
It's tough, but count your blessings - you found out their true natures before you invested any more time in them. I don't think you should worry about either of them. They both have demonstrated they don't give you the consideration you deserve. If you can work to a place where you can forgive them, good. But that doesn't mean you have to associate with them, or even like them.
Best of luck - I've had friends turn out to be real backstabbers. It's no fun, but I hope your good friends and sisters can support you.

[texas*princess]

Originally Posted by fyrnymph

I don't understand the "honorary sister" thing. Aren't you either a sister, or not? Regardless, there's not much you can do about that without looking petty.

I believe she may be referring to their version of AI since the OP said the other person was in grad school and she was "nominated" (like the NPC AI process)

Regardless, they are both awful people for doing that to you I'm so sorry you are having to deal with such a difficult circumstance.

I think the best thing to do is move on. Trust me, I know that is so much easier said than done because she is always there, but that overwhelming feeling of ickyness will not go away immediately.

I don't know if I would ever be able to fully forgive that ... or if I would even want to.. because when you forgive someone, you pretty much have to forget it ever existed for things to be the way they were before... and for me personally that would be very hard.

I think in the long run, you just have to shake it off .... they are both bad people and they probably deserve each other for that.... and like someone else already said, better you found out now, rather than way later down the road and you shouldn't have to waste any more time on them.

[AlethiaSi]

Originally Posted by texas*princess

I believe she may be referring to their version of AI since the OP said the other person was in grad school and she was "nominated" (like the NPC AI process)

Thanks Texas*princess for clearing that up lol you're pretty much right, its very similar, we don't do it often but the system is there if it does happen. I guess kinda like AI lol

[TrojanWoman]

Originally Posted by 33girl

The thing is, when she & I first started to have problems, I told my best friend some of the things she said & asked if I was overreacting. My BF went and said "I've never trusted her any further than I could throw her." Then everyone started coming out of the woodwork - it was like the time I broke up with my first boyfriend and everyone said afterwards that I was too good for him. I think they all thought that they didn't like her, but if I did it was OK...

this statement is so true. when my long-term boyfriend and I broke up, my good friends had me over for dinner the next day and 30 people showed up to celebrate that I had "woken up".

To the OP, I think that only time and distance will heal your heart, but the fact remains that you may never have a relationship with these two again, and it is probably for the better. One of the hardest things I have learned growing up is that sometimes we are badly hurt by people we care about (friends or significant others) and the best way to handle it is to move on with your life, without those people in it.

Some relationships are worth fighting for, and some just are not.