At the End of My Rope! - Page 3

LatinaAlumna · #31 10-01-2007, 03:02 PM

^Oh, don't think we haven't thought about that (well, for him)!!! The only reason her brothers haven't laid hands on him is because she has asked them not to (repeatedly).

AlphaFrog · #32 10-01-2007, 03:07 PM

Honestly, then, this is just a case of what's more important - your marriage or your pride...in both cases. If the husband decides that his pride is worth more than getting help, then he deserves it if his wife walks out on him. Likewise, if the wife deicides that her pride is more important than getting away from an abusive husband, than there's nothing anyone can do.

LatinaAlumna · #33 10-01-2007, 03:17 PM

^Yes, I think it is a matter of pride and low-self esteem on her part. Bad combination.

Infamous12 · #34 10-04-2007, 08:45 AM

LA,

I'm curious to know how the non-married friend is doing. Does she seem to be moving forward with the break-up or does she look like she may 'relapse'?

LatinaAlumna · #35 10-04-2007, 12:12 PM

^Yes, I'm actually quite proud of how she is handling this. We went to lunch on Tuesday and she told me she learned many lessons through this "relationship"--mainly, to pay more attention to actions vs. words. I don't think she is going to relapse with this guy. She has an appt. to see her doctor to make sure she didn't catch anything from his rampant cheating.

I think another reason why she won't relapse with this particular guy is because once she found out he was cheating, he told her to kick rocks because he "has other girls anyway." He's not trying to apologize or get her back.

nikki1920 · #36 10-04-2007, 12:16 PM

And even if he was, I hope she stays faaaaaar away from him. Good for her for going to check herself out.

Fleur de Lis · #37 10-05-2007, 11:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LatinaAlumna

^Yes, I think it is a matter of pride and low-self esteem on her part. Bad combination.

I heard a quote on Oprah that says you marry a person who tells you what you already think about yourself, which I think is so true. Combined with the family history, it sounds like she won't leave him without some serious intervention and professional counseling. I know her situation is breaking your heart, but honestly she has probably pushed everyone so far away, the best thing you can do is enjoy your healthy relationships and be there for her if she decides to take action.

I am so proud of friend #2 and glad you saw the situation resolved!

LatinaAlumna · #38 10-05-2007, 01:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fleur de Lis

I heard a quote on Oprah that says you marry a person who tells you what you already think about yourself, which I think is so true. Combined with the family history, it sounds like she won't leave him without some serious intervention and professional counseling. I know her situation is breaking your heart, but honestly she has probably pushed everyone so far away, the best thing you can do is enjoy your healthy relationships and be there for her if she decides to take action.

I am so proud of friend #2 and glad you saw the situation resolved!

I think all of you are correct--there isn't a whole lot the rest of us (her friends and even family) can do anymore, but I will continue to pray. I do think we should try to have an intervention with her, but that will be hard to accomplish given that she's rarely "allowed" to go outside of her home.

nikki1920 · #39 10-05-2007, 02:00 PM

Well, he leaves the house at some point, right?
And if you bring her brothers along, they could handle him.

LatinaAlumna · #40 10-05-2007, 02:42 PM

^You know, one of my friend's brothers is a gay man, and he's asked my friend several times if her husband was really gay(!!!). He says he's "picked up" on something there. I'm really bad at figuring out people's orientations, so I don't really try, but I do recall on several occassions hearing her husband brag about other men hitting on him at the gym...

But yes, perhaps we can get her alone when he's gone at some point.

texas*princess · #41 10-07-2007, 09:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LatinaAlumna

I think another reason why she won't relapse with this particular guy is because once she found out he was cheating, he told her to kick rocks because he "has other girls anyway." He's not trying to apologize or get her back.

Wow. Guys suck.

LatinaAlumna · #42 10-07-2007, 02:49 PM

Okay, another update (and not a good one):

We took our married friend out last night because it had been her birthday earlier in the week. We went to one of those entertainment centers (where they have restaurants, shops, movie theatre, etc.). We had a nice a dinner and drinks, then she wanted to go looking around. About 3 hours into our outing, her husband pops out of nowhere! Evidently, he had been sitting in one of the bookstores the whole time we were having dinner, etc.

When he left again to go back to the bookstore, I asked my friend WHY the HECK he was there, and she said "because that's how I was able to come out with my girlfriends--as long as he could be nearby."

I said "Do you see anything wrong or strange about that?" and she goes "Well, he has social anxiety disorder so he cannot be alone by himself at home." I said "Ummm...I think he has his disorders mixed up because when you have social anxiety, you WANT to be a home by yourself!" She changed the subject really fast.

OMG! OMG! and triple OMG!

is all I could think.

It was her birthday, so I left it at that, but you should have seen the looks on all of our faces. Unbelievable.

texas*princess · #43 10-07-2007, 06:01 PM

Wow.

That is stalkerish.

neosoul · #44 10-07-2007, 06:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

My take--

Why should you take on another person's illness and how are you to transcend in your life? It is already causing you grief.

I would be harsher than SWTX Belle. I would tell them "I am unable to tolerate your issues as such our friendships are affect. Until you are able to speak to me without dumping your problems on my lap, I will be more than happy to speak to you. Until then, I hope you achieve all your heart's dreams. Peace out..."

You are not a waste management company and even if you were, you don't have the licenses or permits to accept trash. So, why should you take it from these folks? Just asking?

what she said...

LatinaAlumna · #45 01-23-2008, 07:37 PM

I have an update on this situation:

In October, my friend with the marriage problems was accidently copied on an email written by our other friend, in which she stated that our friend had lost her mind by staying with such a horrible husband, etc.

This event set off an actual confrontation in which all of us expressed how our friend needed to really take a look at what her life has become (a mess, controlled by her husband). To this, she responded that we just "don't know him like she does" and he's "a good man," and that we just never hear about the good side of him, and it was her fault that we only heard the bad. She also said it was her fault that they had so many problems in the marriage--that if only she would obey him more often, etc. things would be okay. (!!!!!) I told her she was brainwashed and that I was her friend, and love her, but I can't stand by and watch this any longer.

Cut to last week...

They are getting a divorce, officially, and have even told their families. My friend finally realized that she lost control of her life, and deserves to be happy. I've been thanking God each day since for opening her eyes!