Gentlemen, how can we ladies honor you?

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by Senusret I

It's just preference.... the more you question it, the more it seems like you think we're somehow wrong for feeling this way.

You are free to feel the way you feel. I do not think you are wrong for feeling this way given your explanations. I greatly appreciate that myself.

But without any understanding or explanation, I am left to be confused. I am unable to do read facial expressions on GC, then all I have left is to request clarification.

Thank you for your remarks, they will be considered for an event I was attempting to plan considering GC men's ideas.

The one we use to have for the Undergraduate Chapter I use to be the graduate advisor for would have the "Tribute to the Black Man", which was a lovely event telling Black men that we love them, cherish them and hope the best for them. The gentlemen truly enjoyed it. We dressed up very nicely and provocatively, serving them a healthy dinner.

I was thinking I could upgrade it to include ALL men, and have a fully supportive event they, their friends and family would enjoy.

I am sorry for considering the better judgment of GC gentlemen and wasting your time.

[AlexMack]

Monet, why are you confused? You're not a dude which is why you asked the guys on here what they prefer.
The men made no bones about it-they're simple in their tastes and preferences. They're not chicks.
If I was a guy and you wanted to do me an event here is what I would say:
-I don't want to have to dress up
-I want to eat foods I enjoy, not food you think I should eat.
-I want to sit and enjoy the company of people I know AND like and get to talk about what I want

Maybe you could set up a videogames station, a screen projector playing good action movies (my recent favourites are the Bourne trilogy but I'll watch classics too), and a chef who cooks steaks to order. The sex part may have to wait until later. Oh, and some widescreen tvs with a variety of different sports showing.

Since all that sounds awesome to me I can now see why I get along with guys so well.

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by AlexMack

Monet, why are you confused? You're not a dude which is why you asked the guys on here what they prefer.
The men made no bones about it-they're simple in their tastes and preferences. They're not chicks.
If I was a guy and you wanted to do me an event here is what I would say:
-I don't want to have to dress up
-I want to eat foods I enjoy, not food you think I should eat.
-I want to sit and enjoy the company of people I know AND like and get to talk about what I want

Maybe you could set up a videogames station, a screen projector playing good action movies (my recent favourites are the Bourne trilogy but I'll watch classics too), and a chef who cooks steaks to order. The sex part may have to wait until later. Oh, and some widescreen tvs with a variety of different sports showing.

Since all that sounds awesome to me I can now see why I get along with guys so well.

Maybe 2 out of 3 gentlemen that responded agreed does not make a qualified statistically significant sample size for me.

And what you are suggesting, sounds like a great idea, but I wish I could hear it from them.

And I was confused by their responses to my questions, because I did not understand them. So I requested clarification. However, they got frustrated.

Okay, men hate to be honored and appreciated and actually do like women to read their minds... I cannot believe that, but hey, I can be wrong. Fine. I am happy to be wrong in this one.

[Animate]

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

You are free to feel the way you feel. I do not think you are wrong for feeling this way given your explanations. I greatly appreciate that myself.

But without any understanding or explanation, I am left to be confused. I am unable to do read facial expressions on GC, then all I have left is to request clarification.

Thank you for your remarks, they will be considered for an event I was attempting to plan considering GC men's ideas.

The one we use to have for the Undergraduate Chapter I use to be the graduate advisor for would have the "Tribute to the Black Man", which was a lovely event telling Black men that we love them, cherish them and hope the best for them. The gentlemen truly enjoyed it. We dressed up very nicely and provocatively, serving them a healthy dinner.

I was thinking I could upgrade it to include ALL men, and have a fully supportive event they, their friends and family would enjoy.

I am sorry for considering the better judgment of GC gentlemen and wasting your time.

I don't think that it was a waist of time at all. You said that you held an event that was a "Tribute to the Black Man". The things that were done at that event could be extended to all men.

We men are fairly simple creatures. We don't get all riled up and excited about big extravagant things we will reallly appreciate the little things. Example: 9/10 when I go home to visit my parents my dad will have some random snack that he knows that I like. Makes my stay all the better. He does a similar thing for my sister.

But to try to answer your question, if you know the group of men then I suggest treating them to a spa session. This is rarely something a guy would do for himself but he would definitely go for it if it was a gift, or at least I would.

[DeltAlum]

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

I am sorry for considering the better judgment of GC gentlemen and wasting your time.

I don't think it's a waste of time at all. In fact, I'm impressed that you had the consideration to ask the question -- despite my poor attempt at humor earlier.

The problem is that, like when someone asks me what I want for Christmas, I simply am hard pressed to answer. I haven't really ever given it any thought.

In fact, the only answer I come up with is, "something thoughtful."

Please don't ask me to define that, though.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

Can you do any of these in public? Publicly, how can one honor and appreciate a man or men?

Food and sports can certainly be in public.

Originally Posted by Senusret I

That's the thing.... other than receiving an award based on merit of some sort, I don't think most men want or need to be appreciated publicly.

Exactly.

Originally Posted by AlexMack

If I was a guy and you wanted to do me an event here is what I would say:
-I don't want to have to dress up
-I want to eat foods I enjoy, not food you think I should eat.
-I want to sit and enjoy the company of people I know AND like and get to talk about what I want.

You understand us! That's exactly what I would have said. Oh wait a minute. I did say that.

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

Okay, men hate to be honored and appreciated and actually do like women to read their minds... I cannot believe that, but hey, I can be wrong. Fine. I am happy to be wrong in this one.

I really don't think that's an accurate take on it, AKA Monet. (And I don't think it was a stupid question at all.) It's not that men "hate" to be honored, per se. It's that our idea of what makes us feel honored or appreciated is different those those lacking a Y chromosome. We don't want to feel like someone is making a fuss over us. We like to keep it simple.

And it's not so much a matter of reading our minds -- it's a matter of believing us when we don't give the answer you expect. An example -- for quite a few years running, as my birthday approached, my wife would ask how I wanted to celebrate. Almost every year, I said the same thing -- just a simple supper, at home or out, with her and the kids. She would press as though that answer wasn't "good enough" -- as though surely I was just trying not to make too much work for her and wasn't really saying what I wanted.

Sure enough, a few days later would tell me other people (family or friends) that she had invited to a birthday supper. Being a good husband, I'd just say "thanks," and I would enjoy supper enough, but I would have enjoyed it more if I hadn't had to be "sociable." Now, after quite a few years of this, I think she's really starting to believe me when I say "just a simple supper with you and the kids."

Originally Posted by Animate

But to try to answer your question, if you know the group of men then I suggest treating them to a spa session. This is rarely something a guy would do for himself but he would definitely go for it if it was a gift, or at least I would.

LOL. I would be speechless if I was given a spa session. Speechless and horrified -- I can't think of a more miserable way to spend time. You're tight that this is rarely something a guy would do for himself. There's a reason for that.

Seriously, if I used the gift certificate (I'd be very tempted to give it back to her, telling her that she would appreciate it much more than I would), I would spend the entire time I was at the spa thinking, "I thought she knew me better than this. How could she think I would like this?"

[KSig RC]

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

Okay, men hate to be honored and appreciated and actually do like women to read their minds... I cannot believe that, but hey, I can be wrong. Fine. I am happy to be wrong in this one.

Hilarious.

Men love to feel appreciated, in general. Men, in general, are not enamored with this being a public spectacle.

Anecdote: I cook dinner for myself and my girlfriend probably 5 nights a week, and she cooks very infrequently. She loves to tell her friends and family that I cook all the time and that I'm good at it (I'm really not at all, I just like doing it - plus she cleans, which is huge). I hate it when she does that - it's really not a big deal, and I don't really care for her mom/sister/aunt/friends to fawn over it. It just doesn't matter.

I love it, though, when she says "thank you" after every meal I make - that's way more important.

I think the disconnect here is that we're using the same terms in completely different ways. If you want the black guys in your area to feel appreciated, do something small, or (like everyone else has posited) do something you wouldn't normally do that they would enjoy.

Have a poker game, or learn how to play Madden, or just spend a day doing "guy things" and say "we appreciate you, so we want to do the things you like for a day."

Unfortunately, there's no magic formula - and no plaque on the wall will make me feel honored or appreciated more than a simple, borderline meaningless action would. Dudes are about action - do, not say or celebrate.

[AKA_Monet]

Thank you gentlemen... Keep those ideas coming.

I need to know "how come" you all would feel there would be this "fuss" over you? Don't you think you are worth the fuss?

Or

Is this the society and cultural (meaning American) thing that does not jive well with men? (Y'all knew I would ask that... ) I.e. men must be the providers, women are the nurturers. Is it too much "role switching"... The ladies are setting up too many "playdates" for the men?

Like, if I got a Nintendo Wii or XBOX Halo3 game stations, for the lot of you-where you could play with or against each other, are you telling me y'all would not attend with a full chicken and beer dinner? Or 50 yardline ESPN pre-Sunday with Stuart Scott and Boomer stoppin' in to say "hello" in the pressbox with 2 HD 52" flat screens with all you can drink beverages, i.e. mojitos and full course nacho bar? Better yet, arranging that party bus/flight to Vegas at the Ghostbar in the Palms to either watch a fight or Superbowl Sunday and bet on the Caliente line?

Wait, do you all Ball like that?

And yes, I know reps from Nintendo AND Microsoft who would do that with Halo 3... And I can talk people into do this ESPN thing on the 50 yardline... And I would have to work it in Vegas, but, as it stands I got family members playing at the Tiger Woods thing at the Wynn...

I was just wondering if that would be something you fellas think you would want to do? Or if it is too much for you? I will go put my ideas back...