moving in with boyfriend.. any tales or advice

[AlphaFrog]

I don't get the whole "split 50/50 or 60/40"...I mean, I understand the concept, but for us, all of our money goes into a joint bank account, which I pay all the bills from. It's also what I use to go grocery shopping and buy things for the kids. I keep a list at all times of things coming up to pay, and know how much money we're going to need for the future 45 days or so (unless I know of a major purchase coming up farther down the line) and approx how much both of our checks are going to be. We have a safety net amount of money that we keep. Anything outside of that is our spending money, and we've hardly ever had a problem just sharing that, without putting limits on who can spend what. I buy shoes and he buys his silly wrestling gear and DVDs and it works out well. I put my foot down, however, at the Bowflex.

[Lil' Hannah]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

I don't get the whole "split 50/50 or 60/40"...I mean, I understand the concept, but for us, all of our money goes into a joint bank account, which I pay all the bills from.

Yes but you're married...joint bank accounts aren't a great idea for a couple who is dating without any legal ties/protection.

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by Lil' Hannah

Yes but you're married...joint bank accounts aren't a great idea for a couple who is dating without any legal ties/protection.

I guess, to me, if you're willing to live with them, you should be at least invested enough in the relationship to trust the other person with finaces, with or without legal protection...but I guess that's being too optimistic.

Does anyone know if there's such a thing as a legal contract between persons living together should a breakup occur? Something like a pre-nup, only for living together/joint finances instead of marriage?

[ForeverRoses]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

I guess, to me, if you're willing to live with them, you should be at least invested enough in the relationship to trust the other person with finaces, with or without legal protection...but I guess that's being too optimistic.

Does anyone know if there's such a thing as a legal contract between persons living together should a breakup occur? Something like a pre-nup, only for living together/joint finances instead of marriage?

I know my sister had a domestic partnership agreement that was put together by an attorney and when the relationship tanked, they ended up in arbitration and the agreement was enforced. Granted this was in California, so I don't know how it would work other places.

[KSig RC]

Originally Posted by Lil' Hannah

Yes but you're married...joint bank accounts aren't a great idea for a couple who is dating without any legal ties/protection.

You still have pretty OK legal protection if you're living together, obviously dependent upon your state - but yeah, this is exactly what the deal is . . . a combined bank account can quickly become a mess, no matter how 'invested' you want to be in the relationship. Just saying "throw all the money in and pay out of that" doesn't work all the time.

Quite a few married couples do the 3-account thing - most goes into the joint account, then each has a "fun fund" that their money goes into. It's like an allowance for grown-ups . . .

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by KSig RC

Quite a few married couples do the 3-account thing - most goes into the joint account, then each has a "fun fund" that their money goes into. It's like an allowance for grown-ups . . .

When we first got married, we were going to do that, and then we decided the allowance thing is silly. However, that's what my coworker and her husband do, and it seems to work well for them. Although, things are a little more cut-and-dry for them, since they don't have kids. They don't have to decide whether things like going iceskating with the kids should come out of the general fund or whichever parent is going, etc.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by KSig RC

Quite a few married couples do the 3-account thing - most goes into the joint account, then each has a "fun fund" that their money goes into. It's like an allowance for grown-ups . . .

That's what we do, except that we have 2 joint accounts -- one is the household account out of which all household/family expenses are paid; the other is what we call the charity account. It is purely for church pledge, charitable contributions, memorials, etc. We set up the second account as a discipline to make sure that money for charity was coming off the top of the paycheck and not relegated to whatever might be left over after the bills were paid and the groceries bought. It does make life easier at tax time, too.

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

They don't have to decide whether things like going iceskating with the kids should come out of the general fund or whichever parent is going, etc.

That's never been a problem with us. It comes out of the household fun, usually at least. But from time to time both my wife and I will want to do a little something for/with kids, and then we might use our "fun" accounts. We've never really talked about it, but kind of as a general rule if I'm simply doing it as a familiy outing or to have something to do in the afternoon, then the family account pays for it. If I'm doing it as much for my own pleasure as for the kids' (I want to surprise them or treat them to something), then I pay for it.

As for legal protections and rights for co-habitating couples, that's one of those things that can vary greatly from state to state.

[ForeverRoses]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

When we first got married, we were going to do that, and then we decided the allowance thing is silly. However, that's what my coworker and her husband do, and it seems to work well for them. Although, things are a little more cut-and-dry for them, since they don't have kids. They don't have to decide whether things like going iceskating with the kids should come out of the general fund or whichever parent is going, etc.

We do this and it works very well. the "fun" money is usually spent on golf (for him), hair (me), and going out to lunch. If something involves both of us, then it is money from the joint account.

As far as kids things go, that comes out of the general account- however we usually get a zoo pass and a children's museum pass so we only pay for those once a year. We don't do a whole lot of kid activities that cost too much money.

Before we were married, we lived together but since we made comperable salaries, we split everything 50/50. My husband paid the rent and I paid everything else (and tracked it) and then gave him whatever the difference was (or he would give me the difference).

[ForeverRoses]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

I don't get the whole "split 50/50 or 60/40"...I mean, I understand the concept, but for us, all of our money goes into a joint bank account, which I pay all the bills from. It's also what I use to go grocery shopping and buy things for the kids. I keep a list at all times of things coming up to pay, and know how much money we're going to need for the future 45 days or so (unless I know of a major purchase coming up farther down the line) and approx how much both of our checks are going to be. We have a safety net amount of money that we keep. Anything outside of that is our spending money, and we've hardly ever had a problem just sharing that, without putting limits on who can spend what. I buy shoes and he buys his silly wrestling gear and DVDs and it works out well. I put my foot down, however, at the Bowflex.

Maybe that's the advice if you are not married and are "just" cohabitating? Splitting the bills 50/50 doesn't sound fair if one person makes significantly more than the other- especially if the house/apartment was selected based on the higher income earner.

And pooling money if are not married can get really tricky- what do you do if you break up? The higher income person might want a bigger piece of the pooled funds, even though they spent more of it.

[AlwaysSAI]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

I put my foot down, however, at the Bowflex.

I <3 that.