Bid day "Mismatch"

augreekmom · #1 08-16-2007, 10:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RedRover

The daughter of a good friend of mine had a slightly different experience in a similar situation.

The woman was participating in rush at a southern university were rush is rather competitive. She received the maximum amount of invitations through every round and gave deep thought as to which invitations to accept. When it came time to submit her perference card, she decided to withdraw from the process.

I eventually asked her why she made such a decision. She said that while she met a number of young women that she felt that she "bonded" with on individual basis, she felt she made no connection with any of the sororities on a "communal basis."

I asked her if she ever regretted her decision. She said in looking back that she had mixed emotions. Overall she said she had a very positive college experience, but often wondered what she missed by not joining a sorority.

She also noted that she isn't much of a joiner when it comes to organizations and is even less of a joiner when it comes to women's organizations.

This is the thing that has so confused my daughter and I can understand why. She went through rush and received the maximum invitations each time. As the cuts were made with each round, she kept getting invited back to her favorites. On pref. day, her choices are determined by her feelings for a group and what she perceives as their feelings about her. When you are told on your visits that the sorority feels great about you and what you can offer them and the feeling is mutual, you are reassured because they keep inviting you back. They become your top choices. As the process goes on, you cut those that you may have liked, but were unsure of so you end up limiting yourself in what you can write on that pref. list at the end. She now wishes she wouldn't have cut some from her list because she was basing her choices on possible false impressions. You can't get those back. Am I looking at this the wrong way?

AOII_LB93 · #2 08-16-2007, 10:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by augreekmom

This is the thing that has so confused my daughter and I can understand why. She went through rush and received the maximum invitations each time. As the cuts were made with each round, she kept getting invited back to her favorites. On pref. day, her choices are determined by her feelings for a group and what she perceives as their feelings about her. When you are told on your visits that the sorority feels great about you and what you can offer them and the feeling is mutual, you are reassured because they keep inviting you back. They become your top choices. As the process goes on, you cut those that you may have liked, but were unsure of so you end up limiting yourself in what you can write on that pref. list at the end. She now wishes she wouldn't have cut some from her list because she was basing her choices on possible false impressions. You can't get those back. Am I looking at this the wrong way?

You can always look at what might have been...but ultimately you need to look at what is. It's my understanding that ALL of the organizations at Auburn are outstanding. Things happen, not everyone ends up at their first choice, but it's up to the person to make the best of the situation.

Recruitment is not a "for sure" process and ultimately the chapters choose the women that they feel best fit their needs, creed, values, etc. We as members and non-members both can't second guess their process because we were not there. Why not let it be and let your daughter figure it out? Are you sure that your daughter is not having the chance to fully enjoy it because she knows how you feel about the situation? I'm not being snarky here, just asking a question.

Quite a few women on GC have not gotten their first choice org in recruitment, and some have not gotten in at all. I didn't get my first choice, but you know what? I'm happier for it now because I made the best of it and found people in my organization that I could relate to, and ultimately joining a sorority is so much more than the 4 years one is a collegian.

ETA: I can also almost guarantee you that not everyone in her org. is about getting trashed and partying...the sheer size of each of the chapters at Auburn leads me to believe that there is a little bit of everything in each one. If she truly is unhappy, then she should depledge before initiation. However she should know that with recruitment the way it is at Auburn, she may not be able to get a bid as a sophomore.

KSUViolet06 · #3 08-16-2007, 11:02 AM

There were a few young ladies in my chapter who received bids to us as their 3rd choice group, and were upset and "iffy" about everything for a few weeks (mainly because of our size) and contemplated whether they wanted to stay. But after they started getting to know girls better and finding diffferent women that they clicked with, they became more comfortable. Several of them even went on to become chapter officers as actives.

To make a long story short: My chapter ended up doubling in size over the next year and gaining recognition, so they were glad they stuck around!

AOII_LB93 · #4 08-16-2007, 11:10 AM

Also, I don't know if you've done it yet, but check out the sororities websites. They ALL have women in sports and honors societies.
https://fp.auburn.edu/greek/sororities.htm

I can't find one I wouldn't have joined as a freshman.

augreekmom · #5 08-16-2007, 11:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AOII_LB93

You can always look at what might have been...but ultimately you need to look at what is. It's my understanding that ALL of the organizations at Auburn are outstanding. Things happen, not everyone ends up at their first choice, but it's up to the person to make the best of the situation.

Recruitment is not a "for sure" process and ultimately the chapters choose the women that they feel best fit their needs, creed, values, etc. We as members and non-members both can't second guess their process because we were not there. Why not let it be and let your daughter figure it out? Are you sure that your daughter is not having the chance to fully enjoy it because she knows how you feel about the situation? I'm not being snarky here, just asking a question.

Quite a few women on GC have not gotten their first choice org in recruitment, and some have not gotten in at all. I didn't get my first choice, but you know what? I'm happier for it now because I made the best of it and found people in my organization that I could relate to, and ultimately joining a sorority is so much more than the 4 years one is a collegian.

ETA: I can also almost guarantee you that not everyone in her org. is about getting trashed and partying...the sheer size of each of the chapters at Auburn leads me to believe that there is a little bit of everything in each one. If she truly is unhappy, then she should depledge before initiation. However she should know that with recruitment the way it is at Auburn, she may not be able to get a bid as a sophomore.

As I said in past posts, she is giving it a chance, meeting new people, accepting that this is how it is. I guess I was simply explaining why she was confused. I was asking for my own clarification. I have really appreciated any information that I have learned by those on this board. I can't tell you how helpful it has been. I have shared some of the stories with my daughter and it has helped her realize that her situation is not unique and that most end happily if given some time. As I said in an earlier post, if she decides to withdraw, she will not try to get into another sorority. She has a great group of friends at Auburn that have all also survived rush with a bid and even though they are in different sororities, they are supporting and encouraging each other. I'm sure that whatever she decides, will be ok. I do wish I had found this board BEFORE rush. I think it would prepare those of us that were so clueless to help our daughters be prepared for anything, and if it doesn't turn out as they hoped, give them the assurance that it can still have a happy ending as long as they have an open mind, a forgiving heart and stay true to themselves.

AOII Angel · #6 08-16-2007, 11:29 AM

I suspect that your daughter will really get excited about her new sorority by the end of the next few weeks when Auburn fills with all of it's thousands of students, and she realizes that it's wonderful to have an island of friends in the sea of strangers. Big Sis/Lil Sis usually does the trick of cementing the feeling of belonging.