Cutting the Umbilical Cord

SWTXBelle · #1 08-07-2007, 01:14 PM

Back on topic - I had a former student who never set his alarm at college - his mother called to wake him up every morning. He dropped out - and is now, God help him, in Iraq. Mom can't call and wake him up now . . .

My daughter is applying to college, and I am constantly slapping my hand to keep from "helping" too much. This is her deal, and she is practically an adult,so although it is KILLING me I'm going to send her to Baltimore on her own for her campus visit/interview in September. Sigh.

ForeverRoses · #2 08-07-2007, 02:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SWTXBelle

Back on topic - I had a former student who never set his alarm at college - his mother called to wake him up every morning. He dropped out - and is now, God help him, in Iraq. Mom can't call and wake him up now . . .

My daughter is applying to college, and I am constantly slapping my hand to keep from "helping" too much. This is her deal, and she is practically an adult,so although it is KILLING me I'm going to send her to Baltimore on her own for her campus visit/interview in September. Sigh.

I know it's painful- but GOOD FOR YOU! It's one thing to be there for your child if she asks for help or an opinion, it's another thing to helicopter!

AKA_Monet · #3 08-07-2007, 08:49 PM

I personally think my parents are cool. They pay for food and the movies and stuff. But, when I wanted to talk to my age group, I did not what my parents seeing me... They would say ALL kinna things that piss me off, to "why you talking to the snaggle tooth boy" (who is really a man and I had to talk to him to leave me alone); to "if you gonna go out, wear this business suit to the beach!" (Yes, it's an exaggeration).

But really, I cut my cord to my parents when I left home for college West Coast to the South... I found myself having to move back to the West Coast. However, as soon as I found a "relatively stable job", I moved out. No one telling me a 23+ year old that I had a curfew at 11 PM... NOT!!!

Then, I left SoCal and moved to Texas. My folks helped me move into a nice apartment. But, I was responsible for ALL the payments... Anyhow, when I fainted at work and had to be hospitalized, my boss who is a physician, called my mother and told her what happened. So, I am grateful of that.

Now, that I am married, my mom freaks and my dad is goofy. But they are old and I have to speak to them. They are preoccupied with my little nephew right now and that makes them happy. But, I refuse to request monetary assistance from them or constantly consult them in any of my major decisions. Why? Because, when we got married, my husband and I CLEAVED unto each other and became ONE... And we promised to let no one put us asunder... And yes, it goes both ways.

Honestly, my folks may have given me lots of freedom and independence when I was too young to know up from down. That's the beauty of growing up, it is fraught with mistakes that you are suppose to learn from. When you are an adult, you still make mistakes, but your buffer is reduced. And while some parents cannot let go, many do and remain proud that their kids are living the life they choose...

carnation · #4 08-07-2007, 08:58 PM

Yesterday, the mom of one of my fall semester students showed up in my office and exclaimed, "Hi! I'm a helicopter parent!" and I'm thinking, "You better not mess with me, lady..." So far she's only introduced herself.

Y'all cut your parents some slack, though.

Parenthood is rough and you're forever wondering if you're doing the right thing. Yes, even if you have as many as I do.

DeltAlum · #5 08-07-2007, 09:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by carnation

Y'all cut your parents some slack, though.

Parenthood is rough and you're forever wondering if you're doing the right thing.

You speak the truth.

UGAalum94 · #6 08-07-2007, 09:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by carnation

Y'all cut your parents some slack, though.

Parenthood is rough and you're forever wondering if you're doing the right thing. Yes, even if you have as many as I do.

I do try to remember that most people are trying to do the best they can and that sometimes we all make mistakes. But the difficulty in parenting doesn't excuse craziness or people who want to mess with your professional life for a tiny gain for their kids.

And I really do see it several a year. Fortunately, it's not often directed at me personally, but nutty sports parents, nutty grade grubbing parents, nutty band parents really sort of start to destroy your faith in humanity sometimes. And sometimes, people really do need to be told that what they are doing is inappropriate or even wrong.

(Now, not all helicopter parents lack ethics like the folks I mentioned above. Some just can't let go in any way or think that sparing their kids any failure makes them good parents. They are just misguided, but not evil.)

But some people really do cross the line into unethical or immoral behavior. Just because your kid is involved doesn't make everything you do on their behalf right. Just because you kid's feelings are hurt doesn't mean he or she has been attacked or victimized. Just because you fear a negative outcome doesn't mean you should intervene. We need to try to get parents to conduct themselves accordingly.

But I have no idea what that means when someone announces that "I'm a helicopter parent."

I suspect that you were supposed to turn it in to a chance to compliment her. "On, no, I think you are just very positively involved. Just because they go off to college doesn't mean they quit being your children."

When really we should say something more like, "you might be able to get counseling for that."