Too fat to recruit: or, DePauw, the Sequel

[cuteASAbug]

Maybe this girl was asked not to show up to recruitment not because of her appearance but because of her personality? If a girl is overweight or not good with personal grooming, you can "suggest" some tips or give her a makeover all you want, but it's not going to make up for her personality. A sorority can control what its members wear during recruitment, however, it has no way of controlling the things that come out of its members' mouths.

[kathykd2005]

Originally Posted by cuteASAbug

Maybe this girl was asked not to show up to recruitment not because of her appearance but because of her personality? If a girl is overweight or not good with personal grooming, you can "suggest" some tips or give her a makeover all you want, but it's not going to make up for her personality. A sorority can control what its members wear during recruitment, however, it has no way of controlling the things that come out of its members' mouths.

True, but it's still unfair for her to be excluded from recruitment, whether it's because she's fat, or because she has a shy, awkward, or strange personality. She is still a SISTER. Some people take sisterhood more seriously than others, but still, if she is in the chapter, why should she be left out of recruiting new members? There could be another quality young woman that relates to her personality, and can add to the chapter's personality in ways that the outgoing, beautiful, talkative ladies cannot.

[AlwaysSAI]

Originally Posted by cuteASAbug

Maybe this girl was asked not to show up to recruitment not because of her appearance but because of her personality? If a girl is overweight or not good with personal grooming, you can "suggest" some tips or give her a makeover all you want, but it's not going to make up for her personality. A sorority can control what its members wear during recruitment, however, it has no way of controlling the things that come out of its members' mouths.

I'll entertain that thought. But, that leaves me with just another question. If she has a horrible personality and oral diarrhea how did she recieve a bid in the first place?

[fantASTic]

Originally Posted by AlwaysSAI

I'll entertain that thought. But, that leaves me with just another question. If she has a horrible personality and oral diarrhea how did she recieve a bid in the first place?

Good question. I'd keep in mind that their numbers have been very low recently.

We really don't have enough information, with this biased perspective from just the one girl.

[khlkcca]

I wish I knew the whole story. However, it seems to me that this could have been handled by the membership chair when she started making assignments. Asking someone to not show up at all really seems to be pushing them out the door.

[cuteASAbug]

I'm still close with Laura, a girl from my high school who was a couple of years older than me. She joined a sorority in college. When she was a junior, a girl went through recruitment (we'll call her Alexis) who seemed overly enthusiastic and tended to turn people away from her. Enough of my friend's chapter figured that she was just nervous about recruitment and voted to put her on the bid list. After bid day, they discovered that Alexis wasn't just acting that way because of recruitment. When she became an active, she would talk about inappropriate topics at recruitment and generally, every PNM that she talked to would not come back to Laura's chapter for the following round. After several semesters of this, she was asked to stay in the back during recruitment or not show up because PNM's were talking about her and she was hurting their recruitment efforts. Alexis was a size 16. This had nothing to do with her size.

[kathykd2005]

Originally Posted by cuteASAbug

I'm still close with Laura, a girl from my high school who was a couple of years older than me. She joined a sorority in college. When she was a junior, a girl went through recruitment (we'll call her Alexis) who seemed overly enthusiastic and tended to turn people away from her. Enough of my friend's chapter figured that she was just nervous about recruitment and voted to put her on the bid list. After bid day, they discovered that Alexis wasn't just acting that way because of recruitment. When she became an active, she would talk about inappropriate topics at recruitment and generally, every PNM that she talked to would not come back to Laura's chapter for the following round. After several semesters of this, she was asked to stay in the back during recruitment or not show up because PNM's were talking about her and she was hurting their recruitment efforts. Alexis was a size 16. This had nothing to do with her size.

Did they TALK to her about it, or simply decide on their own to do this? That would be the difference in the situation. If they truly cared about their sisterhood, they would have spoken to her, even offered to help her with finding better topics to discuss and which ones to stay away from--instead of shoving her in the back... Again, that's just my opinion, though.

[cuteASAbug]

All I know of this story is what I was told by my friend. However, after going through formal recruitment, I think it's fair to say that it's a stressful time for both the sororities and the PNM's and sometimes, a sorority just doesn't have enough members so that one of them can "babysit" another sister to make sure that she's not saying things that are inappropriate or scare off PNM's. It may not be the most politically correct way of doing things, but as several posters above me have stated, not all PNM's have the most politically ways of choosing a sorority.

[kathykd2005]

But, again, as other posters have said, are the girls who choose their sorority in a flippant way the young women that will keep the sisterhood alive and thriving? Or are they the ones that will quit after a few tough recruitments, or another ridiculous reason?

[33girl]

From what I gather in the original post, this ISN'T the chapter or the chapter's prez or exec board asking this girl to stay away from rush activities...it's a national consultant. That is, it's not someone who's around these girls on a daily basis or knows what they're like in a rush situation. Therefore, it's understandable that the girl has assumed this is based on her size.

[Drolefille]

I'll freely raise my hand and say I'm not a rusher. I HATE everything that comes with rushing. So what do/did I do? The computer stuff. It worked because they talked to me and it fit both the needs of our chapter (I'd have been really really awkward rushing girls) and my needs.

But you don't just say "fat girl, stay out of the room"
That said there may indeed be more to this story. But I'm only working on what was posted.

[kathykd2005]

Originally Posted by Drolefille

But you don't just say "fat girl, stay out of the room"

hahhaha

And lucky me, I was always the one people asked to talk to PNMs no one else wanted to talk to, because THEY brought up inappropriate topics. I could talk my way out of a shoe; all I did was steer the conversation back to the chapter, not her.

[BetteDavisEyes]

Originally Posted by Drolefille

I'll freely raise my hand and say I'm not a rusher. I HATE everything that comes with rushing. So what do/did I do? The computer stuff. It worked because they talked to me and it fit both the needs of our chapter (I'd have been really really awkward rushing girls) and my needs.

But you don't just say "fat girl, stay out of the room"
That said there may indeed be more to this story. But I'm only working on what was posted.

HEY! That was me too! I'm a terrific conversationalist with people I know and am comfortable with. I tend to withdraw and get shy around those I don't know. I knew going into my first and all later subsequent recruitments that my strengths lay not in conversation but in making things easier for the other girls so I would help with the computer stuff or help the alums with setting up food, decorations, etc.

And like you stated, no one ever told my size 12 ass to hide b/c they were embarrassed by me. I chose to work behind the scenes rather in front of them. It sounds like this girl wasn't given the opportunity.

[axidgl]

The SADDEST part about this all, is that this is not an isolated incident. This occurs ALL the time-- with chapters that are struggling or not. I have heard accounts from women from different STRONG chapters that have been forced to "hide in the kitchen" because they aren't the "face of XYZ" or they don't "fit the image of ABC." Out of 200 women in a chapter, these women are the 3 or 4 who don't meet their new members until bid day, but who have worked just as hard behind the scenes.

The fact that this occurs more often than most people realize just goes to show the culture of greek organizations. The fact that it happens shows that people allow looks and size to matter to them. If it REALLY didn't matter to PNM's, why would the chapters still do it?
I think most of us here on GC don't have the "stereotypical sorority girl" mindset and we hold ourselves to higher standards than that.

But the fact is, at some schools, in our very own chapters at those schools, this is the NORM.