40 y.o. track coach marries his student :(

[James]

DSTRen, I think you are right if you look at this in terms of stark reality.

However, social fashions tend to color people's perception of what is "good" or "bad". And most people seem unable to see beyond that.

So 50 years ago there would have been more outrage if a white girl married a black man no matter what their ages, a Christian married a Jew, or whatever was frowned upon at that time.

Fashions change. But, good critical thinkers understand the larger context and perspective.

Originally Posted by DSTRen13

They act like her life is completely over because of this. I somehow think that's up to her ... people have survived much bigger "tragedies"

Apparently I'm weird on this, but really. Is it that big of a deal? I agree that they shouldn't have been involved while he was in a position of authority. There is a lot that is strange about this particular relationship. But on general principle, I really don't have a huge problem with 16 year olds getting married, or with the age difference thing, or even with the student-teacher thing (it shouldn't happen WHILE the teacher is still the student's teacher, but afterward, who cares?).

[Of course, my dad was my mom's gym coach in HS, they started dating the summer after she graduated, and got married her sophomore year of college (there's an 11 yr age difference). They've been married for 27 years and I don't think she feels she threw her life away (although her parents certainly felt that way).]

[James]

Oh this isn't meant as disapproval but I thought it was funny:

[Munchkin03]

I don't know, this doesn't really weird me out either. I played sports in HS and college, and weird coach-pupil relationships pop up. It gets even dicier when the coach is just out of school and the kids aren't much younger. When I rowed in college, one of my shellmates was dating the assistant coach for a bit (he graduated the year before we came aboard).

I can think of about 5 couples where the now-husband met the wife when he was coaching her. Granted, none of the girls were 16, they were all 18-22, but they're still married 20+ years later.

[AlethiaSi]

um. this totally happened with one of my sorority sisters. He was her basketball coach from like middle school on, AND they started dating when she was STILL in high school! He was like 40 at the time, and they dated throughout college, she pledged my sorority, and continued with school. I believe she JUST graduated and they've already been married a year. plus... he is SUPER CREEPY........ I wasn't really close with her but I was her APM and lived down the hall from her after she moved into the house.... She was a nice girl but a little off herself.... the family didn't agree at all btw, but basically accepted it after so long...

[alum]

Besides the fact that there is a violation of the coach/student relationship (this is inappropriate even if the coach was a 20 year old ass't) AND the fact that the parents signed off on this before the girl even graduated from high school (mind-boggling IMO), other issues bother me.

Problems I have with it:

1. Apparently the inappropriate contact started at 14, I assume under any statuatory age of consent. I don't care how mature or provocative she was at 14.

2. A 24 year age difference. He is old enough to be her father in a normal age range, not even in a teenage fatherhood-type deal. At least at 18-42, the young woman would be a legal adult (hopefully graduated from high school).

[DaemonSeid]

I'm sorry...maybe I missed it...


How did the parents figure that they didn't have a choice?

Were they extorted or blackmailed?

Did he threaten them?



What did I miss?

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

How did the parents figure that they didn't have a choice?

Were they extorted or blackmailed?

Did he threaten them?

Worse. She was giving them the silent treatment....so they didn't have a choice.

[DaemonSeid]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

Worse. She was giving them the silent treatment....so they didn't have a choice.

oh no. not the silent treatment....what would she have done if they threatened either time out or grounding for a month?

[mystikchick]

First off, the parents claiming they had no choice is the most ridiculous thing ever. "It was going to kill us all?" Please. You are the adults in this situation, you could have prevented this and endured the awful silence, but you chose to cave and sign off on a completely inappropriate situation THAT YOU RECOGNIZE AS INAPPROPRIATE. You are not her friends, you are her parents.

Secondly, while I respect and acknowledge the stories of those who have posted saying that love can develop at this age and with such an age gap/they had friends with this kind of age gap, this situation is wholly inappropriate. This girl clearly had feelings for her coach as stated by the text of the email posted in the article "He's the apple of my eye..." and while that's fine and normal, the fact that it eventually culminated in him marrying her signals to me that this was not just about friendship. A responsible adult figure in his position would have attempted to explain why her feelings were inappropriate and misplaced on him, and would be better directed towards someone of her own age.

The other thing is that while there are obviously exceptions to every story like this, as DSTRen's story indicates, the sad fact is all too often, there is something inappropriate going on. Who knows whether their relationship was sexual before hand (even if it was consensual, it's inappropriate), but the level of emotional intimacy they seem to have, enough to culminate in wanting to marry each other, is neither appropriate or ok.

It's not definitely illegal activity, but it's a little too shady for my comfort.