"The Dreaded Phone Call"

[SoCalGirl]

Can a CPH over rule National policy?

[KSUViolet06]

We always notified alumnae via phone if a legacy was released. We let them know AFTER the fact (i.e. the day after the legacy has been released). I think alumnae deserve the courtesy of a phone call, since they've taken the time out to send in a reference for their family member and make sure that we are aware of her.

[dgdramadawg]

I know that my mom was notified. Since she told me before recruitment that she would be called if I was cut by her house, I would have been shocked and very upset if I had shown up to get my schedule (thinking her house was on it) and found out I had been cut without the call we had both expected. I would personally expect to be contacted if a legacy of mine was cut at my house.

Have you contacted your HQ to find out how they would expect you to handle this? I'm not sure that your campus can expect you to violate a national alumnae relations rule.

[Glitter650]

Originally Posted by SoCalGirl

Can a CPH over rule National policy?

That's what I was thinking because isn't it part of most NPC orgs legacy policy to notify the aunt/sister/mother alum member if they are released ??

[irishpipes]

I wouldn't think it would violate silence because you are discussing this with another initiated member of the sorority - just like you could discuss it with an adviser. As for the alumna telling the PNM, the PNM really wouldn't be alone if she didn't want to be - she has a rho chi.

[AlphaFrog]

You know, now that I see this discussion, I'm begining to see how conflicting policies COULD make it almost impossible to cut a legacy. If your national policy dictates that you MUST call the mom/sister/aunt before cutting a legacy, but local policy says that you can't do that, it puts you in a bit of a sticky situation. But I agree with IrishPipes, you're discussing sorority business with an initated member.

[ThetaPrincess24]

if/when my daughter goes through recruitment and the chapte3r decides to release her, I hope to hell they would call me before my daughter finds out about it so I can be prepared when she calls me upset.....I see both sides of the issue, but I think it's courteous to notify the alumnae family member if a legacy is cut.

I also agree with the previous statement that a PNM would not be alone if devasted about being cut from a legacy house (or any other) because they have their Rho Chi for support and guidance during recruitment. That is the job of the Rho Chi (or whatever they call them anymore).

[ZTA72]

I would have appreciated a call if my daughters had been released by my sorority. I read some experiences on the Zeta website of how recruitment may not turn out postively for the PNMs and I was basically prepared for anything to happen. My daughters went through recruitment last year at a very large southern university. I, also, went to a very large southern university but not this one. I really tried to keep an open mind and not influence their decision at all. They called me after each round and described the process to me which has really changed since my " rush" in the dark ages. Their ZTA pref party really was quite beautiful and brought back some really sweet memories went they were recounting it over the phone. I did get my hopes up after the pref round that maybe one of them would pledge ZTA. They were fortunate enough not to be released by any groups during the recruitment process and although they preffed ZTA, another group was their first choice. Was I sad? A little bit...although they are thrilled with their choice and for that reason so am I. Some of their high school friends did go ZTA at other schools which made me very happy.

[AnchorAlumna]

Originally Posted by ThetaPrincess24

if/when my daughter goes through recruitment and the chapter decides to release her, I hope to hell they would call me before my daughter finds out about it so I can be prepared when she calls me upset.....I see both sides of the issue, but I think it's courteous to notify the alumnae family member if a legacy is cut.

I agree...I'm just kinda REAL glad my chapter was no longer there when daughter went through and I didn't have to face rejection...on her part or theirs...

[kathyc]

I can say from experience that it is gut wrenching to get the hysterical phone call from your daughter after your sorority has cut her. My daughter was cut after third round (something we NEVER did when I was in school. Always by second round) I was not notified and was completely blindsided by it. So much so that I had to regain my own composure before I could help my darling daughter who was in so much pain. She ended up pledging another group and is completely happy. I was so ticked at my sorority for not having the courtesy to let me break it to my own child. Fast forward to this year-my roomate's daughter was also cut from our own chapter after third round. (what is it with this third round business?) She did in fact get a call and instead of a post card her daughter was able to hear her mother say "I'm so sorry, baby but...". Trust me, the disappointment was much easier to manage. I know that they are busy and there ar so many girls but I believe a phone call could be managed.

[lyrelyre]

Originally Posted by ThetaPrincess24

if/when my daughter goes through recruitment and the chapte3r decides to release her, I hope to hell they would call me before my daughter finds out about it so I can be prepared when she calls me upset.....I see both sides of the issue, but I think it's courteous to notify the alumnae family member if a legacy is cut.

I also agree with the previous statement that a PNM would not be alone if devasted about being cut from a legacy house (or any other) because they have their Rho Chi for support and guidance during recruitment. That is the job of the Rho Chi (or whatever they call them anymore).

I must not have articulated it clearly enough. The coordinator was concerned that the member (mother, sister, grandmother, etc...) would call the PNM and tell her she was released before the recruitment counselor. In that case, she could be alone when she was informed.

I believe this has been mentioned on the other thread: I, as recruitment advisor, strongly encourage the actives to give the release of a legacy a great deal of thought. I ask them to think about how they would feel if this was their younger sister or daughter. Releasing a legacy can make a member cut ties with the chapter (and sometimes the entire organization). Likewise, I remind them that bidding a legacy can really encourage an alumna to become much more active.

Conversely, I know that it can be frustrating to the members when a woman has never participated in a single alumnae event that we have held, yet expects us to automatically bid her legacy.

[AlphaFrog]

You know, I keep thinking about this...and I know my daughter won't be rushing for another 15 years, so I might feel differently then, but I still don't get why women get so upset over that phonecall. When they make that phone call, you are both sisters, discussing private membership selection information. We don't share closed/private information with our legacies about the meaning of our letters, symbols, ritual info, etc...why do we end up sharing private membership selection info with them.

If you read threads over in the D9 forums, you'll see that most of those ladies take a "If my daughter is good enough to get into MY sorority attitude". One AKA even mentioned that her daughter asked when she would get to be an AKA, and the mother replied "IF you get to be an AKA, just cause Momma made it, doesn't mean you will...". Now, I'm not jaded enough to think those mothers wouldn't be upset if their daughter doesn't make it...but they set their daughters up to KNOW that it's not an automatic thing, and they still have to work for it...which I think does them a huge favor in the end.

[Lucybug]

I don't normally respond to these, but yours struck a nerve. My daughter just went through rush and was cut from my sorority on the third day. Not only did I have to hear it from her (as opposed to national HQ or from a chapter alum), she got the news via cell phone!! Obviously, that is the way they do it there. But can you imagine? And to make things worse, when my daughter called me to tell me she had been "released from rush", I started laughing thinking she was playing a "joke" on me! To put the icing on the cake, her roommate pledged MY sorority!!!! Can it get any worse than that? My child is so hurt, not because she (or I) felt like she should automatically be given a legacy bid, but because she really liked them alot and they expressed the same to her, even talking about me and the legacy connection. At this point, I am asking myself "What is the point in even being a "legacy" if it doesn't count for anything?" Why even mention it on the rush application?" I think what I am most hurt about is that my local alum group knew she was going through and the rec. chair did the rec. and not one of them has even bothered to call or e-mail to show support. Obviously, it has never happened to them or they would have for sure. Sorry to be so negative and yes, I know I sound bitter. But truly, its just more hurt and frustration than anything. When your child hurts, you do too!

[FSUZeta]

dear lucybug, i am so sorry that you and your daughter are having to go thru this. it must be so hard for you both.

i wonder if your alumnae sisters have even learned yet that your daughter did not receive a bid? that may be why they have not called. then too, some
people are very uncomfortable sharing their condolences of any kind. this might be the case.

maybe daughters roommate receiving a bid will be a silver lining. through roomie, daughter might get to know many of the sisters, and should daughter decide to give greek life another try next year, the results will be different.