Should I stay or go?

[AlexMack]

Originally Posted by DMCBlondie

You say they freaked, but you are one of them, technically.
When I was a new member, sometimes I felt like people weren't talking to me or asking me to do anything, but then I realized the problem was me not them. Your sorority experience is what you make it. If you only attend the minimum amount of activities and stay away from the house, you will feel isolated. We tell our new members, come to the house every day between every class, even if you don't feel comfortable or don't know anyone, because over time things will change. The more you're around, the more you'll be included in and the less you'll miss out on.

I never thought about dropping, but at the end of my first year in the sorority I didn't really feel close to anyone. Not being close to anyone in your pledge class is not an excuse though. Don't make your choice until you have the opportunity to connect with some new members. Take it upon yourself to be the sister you think your chapter is missing. Make it a point to get to know all the new members and maybe you'll find a new best friend It is a great feeling to know that younger sisters respect you and look to you for advice.

This is really true. I didn't make a huge effort during my NM period and I regret it now. Ironic thing was, the day all my sisters moved back to the house after summer break, I shot straight over there because I'd missed them all so much.
There has to be a two-way effort. I didn't realize this until it was too late. Go hang out at your house, even if it's just to study in-between classes. The more you're around, the more they're going to realize that you do want to be a part of the chapter.
OTOH, if you are really that unhappy, it may not be worth it to stay. Honestly, I'd try making an effort first, calling up some of your sisters and saying, "we never hang out and I'd really like to get to know you better. Want to get coffee/lunch/whatever?" If you try and it's just not working, you don't have to stay.

[DizzyIzzy]

I have tried to connect with the sisters. I have asked to go out with them, invited them out to things I was going to, tried to meet with them for lunch...but no one seemed to take interest. They made me uncomfortable in every moment, and no one spoke to me during meals. Its not just a let down but I feel excluded.

[KSUViolet06]

It clearly seems as if you have your mind made up to leave. What is the point of asking if you should leave if you have already made up your mind?

[damasa]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

It clearly seems as if you have your mind made up to leave. What is the point of asking if you should leave if you have already made up your mind?

I'd suggest maybe not being so harsh in your answers to this girl. She's obviously going through a rough transitional period and continued response of "leave" probably isnt the best answer.

She's asking because she's seeking advice and that's why GC exists.

To the original poster, the decision is yours to make but I'd suggest going above and beyond to make sure that you make the best decision. Exhaust all options before you make a decision you may or may not regret for the rest of your life or at least a portion of it.

- Blaine

[mystikchick]

think about the tone as well as when you're asking your sisters to hang out - do you sound kind of down, like you expect they'll say no, or are you really upbeat and enthusiastic, even when they say they can't? have you made repeated attempts to hang out with people? initiate conversation, ask people how their day went, how classes are going, etc.

the problems you're describing aside from the hair dyeing thing are common to any group of friends, as i've learned the hard way. if you truly feel like nobody would care if you left, if they're not treating you as one ought to treat a sister, then maybe you should leave, but like the poster above me said, exhaust all options first.

[33girl]

Also, there may be women in the upcoming pledge class (if your chapter is one of the smaller ones, I assume you will be taking a fall class) who you can relate to. Give everyone a summer off and see what happens when you come back in the fall. Believe me, there are sisters I thought I'd NEVER have anything in common with who became good friends. You've only known these women around 20 weeks, if that long.

Plus, if you are one of the smaller chapters, the chapter itself may be in a "transitional" period - there may be girls who want to bid women who are outside the sorority stereotype (like you, it seems) and those who want things to stay just as they are and feel threatened by women who aren't just like them. I remember we had sisters who were freaked out because we had smokers - I don't mean pot smokers, I mean normal old cigarette smokers - living in our house for the first time. I mean you would have thought they were doing crack in the middle of campus by some of the reactions! Again, these were women who had joined what was at the time a very "sedate" group. They didn't know what to make of the new sisters who liked to party and had tons of boyfriends. Eventually, though, it all worked out.

[Educatingblue]

I know exactly what you are talking about. People typically have the clique mentality whether they want to admit it or not. If these girls were "tight" before you came in and you are not really making an effort to fit in, more than likely they are not going to reach out to you. If I were you, I would sit down and talk to them about it and let them know how this whole situation is making you feel. I wouldn't just walk away from your org, but try to find a solution. I am sure you are not the only person in the chapter that feels like they are left out at times. You need to find at least one person that you feel comfortable around and warm up to them. Like someone else mentioned, people have to see your light shine in order to get to know you.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Also, there may be women in the upcoming pledge class (if your chapter is one of the smaller ones, I assume you will be taking a fall class) who you can relate to. Give everyone a summer off and see what happens when you come back in the fall. Believe me, there are sisters I thought I'd NEVER have anything in common with who became good friends. You've only known these women around 20 weeks, if that long.

AGREED. My class was small and I didn't have alot in common with any of them (didn't hate them, we were just different). My Little (who is from fall pledge class 2006, 4 classes after mine) is one of my closest friends.

[ΑΓΔSquirrelGirl]

Originally Posted by DizzyIzzy

I have tried to connect with the sisters. I have asked to go out with them, invited them out to things I was going to, tried to meet with them for lunch...but no one seemed to take interest. They made me uncomfortable in every moment, and no one spoke to me during meals. Its not just a let down but I feel excluded.

Here's a question. Are you going into these invitations expecting that they will say no? Really think about it...you might be hoping they'll say yes, but do you really expect them to? Are you asking them at times that are not likely to conflict with their other activities? How do they make you uncomfortable? Are there specific actions taken and things said? If it's just a vibe, it might be mutual and you might not realize it. You are obviously different than they are...which to me is a good thing...but it might have made you think that it would be you against them from the start. Which would make eveyrone uncomfortable. If it were me, I'd give it a summer. I know for us Recruitment practice and Recruitment might be difficult, but it's also a good bonding time because everyone is FORCED to be together and to get along for the good of the group. It might make a difference. If you've gotten through that, maybe changed your attitude a little, and still think that THEIRS hasn't changed...then leave. I know I'm one that says it's a real committment and I believe it is BUT not everything in life works out and the fact is that if a sister is being treated badly then the promise of the other sisters has been broken...and fair is fair.

Though I personally don't know what to think if there was really such an issue raised because of a little purple hair...there might be more going on than you realize.