Depledging (HELP!!)

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by Drolefille

While I don't think it should be easy to withdraw from a collegiate chapter and remain a member of the GLO, I think there should be more freedom to do so.

I think you are probably right about this, but SkiingSister is hurting her org. by posting this here.

Things being wrong in the organization and her not liking the options she had doesn't change that what she did was wrong. Posting her story highlights the chapter's flaws, the lack of integrity of the group's members, and the group's lack of oversight into its members' behavior. What good could come of it?

ETA: Could it just be as easy as letting each member decide when she will go alum if it's earlier than her actual graduation? Chapters could be permitted to COB to replace members who went alum early maybe so as to not hurt membership? I know it might be hard on chapters, but it makes me sad to think that girls only stay active because they don't want to resign permanent. I like to think they are enjoying membership and consider it very worthwhile. Maybe the option would only kick in after a year or two of active membership.

[SkiingSister]

I was never bragging about what I did. I am just saying that it came be done.

Someone mentioned that they could check my status. Not with my academic files being locked. Several months ago, I had a background check done for a job that I was poised to take (turned it down for a more money somewhere else) and after all of these years, that lock my files was still there. If my records were acquired, it have been been a breach of privacy and very well been done illegally. There is no way that anyone could have found out my status. Unless, you had girls stalking me around campus or were in my classes. They weren't.

As for posting here and doing disservice to my GLO, no one here knows what chapter I was in. You can look at my posts and think you know but you don't. I know about a lot of GLo's at other schools. My friends are from all over.

I think a lot of the concern on greekchat is that my story may give Greek life a bad rep. Maybe. Maybe not. It is what it is. I had some really good experiences and a really bad one.

For those who are concerned that I am recommending PNM or AIs...get over it. I am active within my community and various organizations. As one friend put it "SkiingSisters friends are always so nice and down to earth. She knows everyone." Seriously, it has been said.

Snowball's chance in hell that they would let me leave early if I hadn't lied. My chapter was low on numbers and money. There was no way that they would let people go alum early. They used to be more lenient but it cost them numbers which meant money. One girl was studying abroad for a year on a university program. They wanted $900 out of her to stay active while she away or she would have to quite. She promised to be a paying sister when she came back. Why pay for something that you are not being a part of, nor enjoying. For her it was pay $900 to stay active or use the money for a plane ticket. She chose the plane ticket, studied abroad and I still consider her a sister to this day. So, yah, I knew what I was up against.

Would I have done things differently? Yes. In a ton of areas. But, I have learned so much from my experience; group dynamics and how to deal with people. I am also proud of my affiliation. I look back and knowing the history of the organization, I think it might have been the best fit. I know that I can't change past but I can make the future. If I hear of another girl in my situation having a bad experience, I will be the first one there to hear her out. And it will be discovered early on, not when it is too late. She won't fall through the cracks. I would also add that Greek life changed from the time my parents were it in it to the time that I was in. They were surprised at all of the stuff that goes on. Both parents, who are in GLO's, knew what I was doing and never told me not to do it.

I think it is great the my story has spawned some debate and more importantly discussion.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by SkiingSister

One girl was studying abroad for a year on a university program. They wanted $900 out of her to stay active while she away or she would have to quit. She promised to be a paying sister when she came back. Why pay for something that you are not being a part of, nor enjoying. For her it was pay $900 to stay active or use the money for a plane ticket.

Wow. In my sorority, girls HAVE to be granted inactive status when they are studying abroad. During that time, they are only asked to pay national collegiate dues. We would get in major trouble for doing what you described here (asking someone who is not going to be active for a year to pay full active dues). I'm surprised that other sororities policies aren't similar.

While I don't condone lying, I do commend you for realizing that while you had some negative experiences with your collegiate chapter, you valued the sorority as a whole and didn't want to give it up and resign your membership entirely (which is what I think most girls in your situation would do).

[AOII Angel]

I think it's really easy to sit back an judge someone for the choices they made. No one knows what life is like in a chapter but the people who are in the chapter. I'm sure Skiing Sister felt she was in an impossible situation. I'm glad you were able to see that the value of your sorority went beyond the one chapter you were having trouble with. Unfortunately, people don't always have the choice to do the honorable thing...like early alum status. Wouldn't paying dues and being a nonexistent sister also be "bad?" I know when I was a junior, I was getting ready to apply for medical school. I couldn't spend enough time "changing" my sorority even if I despirately wanted to. Your schooling has to come first. As for the "letter girls," everyone has different reasons for joining a sorority...it doesn't effect why I joined or my commitment to my group's ritual. To each her own!

[SWTXBelle]

Remember too that if you value the GLO as a whole, you should want your chapter to be as strong and representative of the org. as possible.
Especially if a chapter is struggling, every sister who doesn't pay dues is hurting the chapter financially. At least sisters who don't participate fully but still pay their dues are not hurting the chapter's ability to recruit, keep a house, have mixers and formals, etc. Correct me if I'm wrong, but most GLOs have you promise to support the group financially.
I realize it is old-fashioned of me, but I still believe that if you make a vow/promise, you should do all you can to honour it. EVEN when it is difficult. Otherwise, what's the point?

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by SWTXBelle

Remember too that if you value the GLO as a whole, you should want your chapter to be as strong and representative of the org. as possible.
Especially if a chapter is struggling, every sister who doesn't pay dues is hurting the chapter financially. At least sisters who don't participate fully but still pay their dues are not hurting the chapter's ability to recruit, keep a house, have mixers and formals, etc. Correct me if I'm wrong, but most GLOs have you promise to support the group financially.
I realize it is old-fashioned of me, but I still believe that if you make a vow/promise, you should do all you can to honour it. EVEN when it is difficult. Otherwise, what's the point?

I agree.

It seems to be a case where someone made up her mind about what she wanted to do, and then did it. Because the group didn't catch her, she's eager to tell her story to others so that they too can learn that the rules don't really apply. Just because your GLO has rules and polices, you can ignore them, lie to them, and do what you want as long as you think you've got a good reason. Anyway, that's what her message seems to be to me, and I think it's a destructive one. If she really is working with chapters and helping her group, she'll probably see this soon enough when she runs into a younger version of herself.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Wow. In my sorority, girls HAVE to be granted inactive status when they are studying abroad. During that time, they are only asked to pay national collegiate dues. We would get in major trouble for doing what you described here (asking someone who is not going to be active for a year to pay full active dues). I'm surprised that other sororities policies aren't similar.

Yep, and that's what makes this story (or should I say, the justification for this story) a little fishy. I've heard of groups not granting a financial hardship status, but this is SCHOOL. She's going to be out of the country and unable to participate in the chapter for SCHOOL reasons. To me, denying her going special status is like allowing a high school student to pledge. I'm betting this was a chapter disconnect and if she would have gone to nationals, there would have been no problem with granting her special status. This is one of the things it was created for.

As for the shortening of pledge programs contributing to disaffiliation, I don't doubt it. Mine was only 6 weeks, but we had a small chapter, and I was a sophomore who had a good idea going into rush where she wanted to pledge as I'd had a year to see the warts & all of the sororities. Had I been a freshman forced to make a decision on who to pledge before I'd even had one college class or knew anyone at my college, I'd probably feel differently.

If NPC is going to continue to push for first semester freshman rush, they need to stop giving into PC-ness and make their pledge programs long enough so that when someone is initiated, she doesn't have to catch up for a year & 1/2 learning the things she should have as a pledge. If the school is mandating it, there needs to be a program in place for "newest sisters" to complete before they can hold offices. (I know in some instances you have to go straight from initiation to being elected, but hopefully not.)

I also think the kind of things and lessons women are learning in pledging has a lot to do with it. When your pledging consists of self-esteem building activities, being showered with gifts and a lack of any mandatory activities, it's not true to life. I'm sure there are many women who are shocked when after initiation, they're presented with lists of mandatory activities and things that must be done. All of sorority life is not like pledgeship - however, it should get easier, not harder. That's why pledgeship was created in the first place.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by 33girl

I also think the kind of things and lessons women are learning in pledging has a lot to do with it. When your pledging consists of self-esteem building activities, being showered with gifts and a lack of any mandatory activities, it's not true to life. I'm sure there are many women who are shocked when after initiation, they're presented with lists of mandatory activities and things that must be done. All of sorority life is not like pledgeship - however, it should get easier, not harder.

That's why I think some sororities have gone from new member education to total membership education (which is similar to Sig Ep's Balanced Man program). We have done it (ours is called Essential Sigma) and I believe Gamma Phi Beta's member ed program (Crescent Values) is similar.

Tri Sigma dropped its traditional new member education program and unveiled its total membership education program in 2006. When our chapter started with it, our retention rates went up.

The way it works, the new member stage requires different activities to move on to the next stage, which is initiation. Post initiation, the new girls work with chairwomen to learn about leadership in the sorority. The next stage includes actually holding chairs and offices.

It's hard to explain, but the program grows with each member. It's not just getting a bid, being a new member who gets presents and doesn't have to do anything, getting initiated, and then having to do a bunch of things that you didn't have to do before. Each stage has its required activities (even for the new girls) and its culminating experiences.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Yep, and that's what makes this story (or should I say, the justification for this story) a little fishy. I'm betting this was a chapter disconnect and if she would have gone to nationals, there would have been no problem with granting her special status.

Yes, and this shows a complete lack of personal responsibility to not do just that.

On a separate note, I think that Sigma's new program is awesome (from what I know about it), and I hope that every org takes that direction in the next decade.

[UGAalum94]

DeltaBetaBaby and 33Girl,

I agree with you that (it seems) had she really been interested in doing the right thing with her organization so she could maintain her membership, she would have explored her legitimate options more fully. Somehow I doubt lying was the only way.