We are celebrating our 10 year anniversary in October.
The things that I wish I knew...
- Marriage is never perfect. Never.
- Communicate openly but fairly. You are not mind readers.
- Understand that you are bringing 2 individuals into the relationship, and that you both need to maintain some individuality in order to maintain the relationship.
- Never buy anything expensive without discussing it first. Do your bills together, talk about what's reasonable to spend without "checking in", etc., and what merits a discussion.
- If possible, have 3 accounts - yours, his and "ours". Put the same small amount each week/paycheck into each of your individual accounts, from which you can use for any purpose, and the rest into the joint account to pay bills and into savings.
- If you both work, you BOTH split chores. Start doing this from the beginning. Make a list. IT sounds silly but do it now or in 10 years you will be fighting that you do 90% and he does 10%.
- Talk about plans for the upcoming week/month and update your calendars at the same time. That way no one can say "you never told me".
- You two are your own family. Parents, siblings, etc. will try to pull you into different directions, and take sides. Develop your own "side" ... "the two of us against the world" mentality.
- Fight... fairly. If people tell you that they never fights with their spouse(s), they are lieing. Don't swear, call names, or blame. Speak in terms of "I feel", not "you did XYZ". Think about what has upset you - is it because he went out with his friends last night, or is it that you had a bad day and needed him to chill with you?
- Don't listen to other people. Don't discuss very personal stuff with other people, unless it's your therapist, or you are being abused mentally or physically, or at least it won't get back to him. (lol)
Good luck, I wish you the best in your lives together. A lot of succeeding at marriage is trial and error, and mostly, communicating.
Threaded Mode
