Wedding RSVP:Soror Wonderful08's &Soror AKAMonet are newlyweds

[Wonderful1908]

Okay, I know I have been MIA, I am planning and getting ready to get married 7/12/03. I am have a small/medium size wedding 125-150 people. I am wondering about RSVP's my future mother-in-law said that Black people have a tendency to not RSVP. I always RSVP, but I have not recieved that many RSVP's and they need to be returned by July 1. However I have got a HUGE amount of friends, family linesisters, etc who have emailed or called and can't wait to come. I thought it may have been a "class" issue but these are educated people who know better. I am like can you put the stamped enevelope back in the mail. We are having a reception and paying for XYZ # so I would like to have a decent estimate on the number of actual guests. What are your experiences with RSVP's for those who are married, and are there those out there who don't RSVP? If I can pay for less people than neccesary that would be awesome.

[AKA2D '91]

1. Congratulations, Soror!

2. Even though, I'm not married, I've heard your MNL's sentiments time and time again. I don't think it has to do with levels of education, but what people want or do not want to do.

Good luck and again, Congratulations!

[BabyBlue91]

I feel your pain -- or am about to, as I just ordered my invites for my November nuptials. I told my father last night if I didn't get the response card I wasn't counting the body, not even his!

Speaking of RSVPs, you may have to deal with folk who add people to the response as well ... kids (if you aren't inviting them), people's flavors of the week and other random people.

Statistically speaking, though, about 20 percent of invited guests don't make it. Best wishes to you!

[FeeFee]

Originally posted by BabyBlue91
I feel your pain -- or am about to, as I just ordered my invites for my November nuptials. I told my father last night if I didn't get the response card I wasn't counting the body, not even his!

I hear you, cuz I'm not about to pay for anyone who does not plan on showing up. No RSVP, no entrance to my wedding or reception!!! What people fail to realize is that most wedding receptions are catered and the couple have to pay per plate. If everyone sends in their RSVP's, then the couple can have an accurate head count and therefore, diminish the possibility of wasting money.

BTW - Congratulations!!!!!

[Shelacious]

There are a variety of reasons folks don't RSVP: some assume that "you" know they are coming because "you" know they wouldn't miss it for the world! Some remember the days of family members providing a potluck so that things like rental fees and head counts weren't a factor. Some figure that an email or phone call suffices the same as an RSVP card reply (which of course is not even required as a part of the wedding invitation etiquette-wise, but wisely and thoughtfully provided by the bride).

At any rate, couple of ways to deal with this:
1. Assume that the emails and phone calls imply an RSVP, so include all forms of affirmative communication (email, call, mail) as an affirmation of attendance. Of course if you've asked guests to provide a guest # or meal preference on the RSVP card, this way could pose a problem.

2. Maybe this is not standard etiquette, but if you have very few mailed RSVPs and you are concerned about wasting money or the embarassement of having too few meals (or declining people at the door, which you don't want to do), here's another way to handle this. After July 1 have your wedding party members (usually bridesmaids) call the guests who have "not responded" (or only those guests you would expect to be there but have not responded, which may be more manageable and realistic) and say something like: "hi Aunt Bertha. we are sending in the final count for Martha's wedding reception this week and as we didn't not receive an RSVP from you, we are assume that you will be unfortunately unable to join us on August 1? Is this correct?" Aunt Bertha will either say "blah, blah, blah I have back surgery that day..." or "oh child, you know I just plumb forget to send that card back, but I already have my dress picked out." Either way, you'll know the answer.

Hope this helps.

[ClassyLady]

Originally posted by Shelacious
There are a variety of reasons folks don't RSVP: some assume that "you" know they are coming because "you" know they wouldn't miss it for the world! Some remember the days of family members providing a potluck so that things like rental fees and head counts weren't a factor. Some figure that an email or phone call suffices the same as an RSVP card reply (which of course is not even required as a part of the wedding invitation etiquette-wise, but wisely and thoughtfully provided by the bride).

At any rate, couple of ways to deal with this:
1. Assume that the emails and phone calls imply an RSVP, so include all forms of affirmative communication (email, call, mail) as an affirmation of attendance. Of course if you've asked guests to provide a guest # or meal preference on the RSVP card, this way could pose a problem.

2. Maybe this is not standard etiquette, but if you have very few mailed RSVPs and you are concerned about wasting money or the embarassement of having too few meals (or declining people at the door, which you don't want to do), here's another way to handle this. After July 1 have your wedding party members (usually bridesmaids) call the guests who have "not responded" (or only those guests you would expect to be there but have not responded, which may be more manageable and realistic) and say something like: "hi Aunt Bertha. we are sending in the final count for Martha's wedding reception this week and as we didn't not receive an RSVP from you, we are assume that you will be unfortunately unable to join us on August 1? Is this correct?" Aunt Bertha will either say "blah, blah, blah I have back surgery that day..." or "oh child, you know I just plumb forget to send that card back, but I already have my dress picked out." Either way, you'll know the answer.

Hope this helps.

You snatched the words right out of my mouth.

It is perfectly acceptable to have members of your wedding party call and confirm attendance of those who haven't RSVPed. For the situation, it is actually the proper response. It is better etiquette to call and confirm than it is to have thirty people show up at the reception and have to turn them away.

Good luck on the wedding and God Bless on the marriage.

[toocute]

Originally posted by Wonderful1908
I am like can you put the stamped enevelope back in the mail.

Thank you! My mommy and I paid for those stamps!
And YES people are going to add people on those RSVP cards. I had one aunt write 5 extra names

I actually did receive a good amount of cards back and didn't have to make too many calls. Good luck to you and may the Lord bless your union.

[nikki1920]

Ditto to what has already been said.

[AKA4MJ]

Let me chime in here...of coure our "cousins?" (black people in general) do not RSVP and I do not think it is a class issue at all.

So like everyone else suggested, ask your wedding party to get on the phone and make the calls for you. That way you can have a more accurate number. Too, keep in mind some will say they will come and they will not. Some will say they are not coming and then will..so my suggestion is not to go over your actual count. Plus caterers, usually include in the cost a few extra plates. *A cost saving tip!

Good luck Soror! How big is your wedding party?

This thread just reminded me of the Ghetto Wedding Thread, I believe started by Nupe4LIFE WAY BACK, LIKE A FEW YEARS AGO! If you haven't read, please do, it is HILARIOUS!

[toocute]

Originally posted by AKA4MJ


This thread just reminded me of the Ghetto Wedding Thread, I believe started by Nupe4LIFE WAY BACK, LIKE A FEW YEARS AGO! If you haven't read, please do, it is HILARIOUS!

OH YES...and there are so many new folks on here who have never seen it. Think I'll go find it and ttt.

[Conskeeted7]

I just got married in March and found that RSVPs were a slight problem. However, I accepted verbal confirmations and email confirmations from out of towners or friends that I knew had just fogotten but confirmed in another manner.

The phone call strategy works, but just be sure that you get an exact count of how many people each phone call confirms. We called a few people who ended up bringing guests with them but didn't indicate it during the phone call. I guess we were suppsoed to assume that they'd have a guest. That's my only advice.

Congratulations!! Married life is wonderful!!

[Shelacious]

Originally posted by Conskeeted7

The phone call strategy works, but just be sure that you get an exact count of how many people each phone call confirms. We called a few people who ended up bringing guests with them but didn't indicate it during the phone call. I guess we were suppsoed to assume that they'd have a guest.

You are absolutely correct, unfortunately. That's because some people, in my experience, do not know that the addressed envelope provides the clue as to who is invited. Some folks think that bringing a guest to a wedding is encouraged or even a requirement to attend! For example, if the invitation is addressed:
-"Ms. Aunt Bertha & Guest": Aunt Bertha may bring a date or other guest if she desires.
-"Ms. Aunt Bertha": she is invited on the solo bolo; she should not invite any other person.
-"Ms. Aunt Bertha and XYZ": Aunt Bertha is invited, along with XYZ (see below for more info)

And for the brides: these folks should be included by NAME on the invitiation (not just by adding "& guest", even if you've never actually met them.)
-Your invitee's spouse
-Your invitee's fiance' (e)
-Your invitee's live-in SO (if the two are partnered and share a household, then both should receive an invite).
-Optional: Your invitee's long term SO (if they've been dating for years) although I know some folks might not invite both: I would though.

I forgot to add: I have recommended that brides might include the option of "& guest" to a single person if you are inviting them to travel a great distance (long overnight drive, plane, train). Unless they are staying at your house and/or you have actvities planned for them to do, it's difficult to visit an unfamiliar town and be expected to navigate it alone.

[Eclipse]

Originally posted by Shelacious
You are absolutely correct, unfortunately. That's because some people, in my experience, do not know that the addressed envelope provides the clue as to who is invited. Some folks think that bringing a guest to a wedding is encouraged or even a requirement to attend! For example, if the invitation is addressed:
-"Ms. Aunt Bertha & Guest": Aunt Bertha may bring a date or other guest if she desires.
-"Ms. Aunt Bertha": she is invited on the solo bolo; she should not invite any other person.
-"Ms. Aunt Bertha and XYZ": Aunt Bertha is invited, along with XYZ (see below for more info)

And for the brides: these folks should be included by NAME on the invitiation (not just by adding "& guest", even if you've never actually met them.)
-Your invitee's spouse
-Your invitee's fiance' (e)
-Your invitee's live-in SO (if the two are partnered and share a household, then both should receive an invite).
-Optional: Your invitee's long term SO (if they've been dating for years) although I know some folks might not invite both: I would though.

I forgot to add: I have recommended that brides might include the option of "& guest" to a single person if you are inviting them to travel a great distance (long overnight drive, plane, train). Unless they are staying at your house and/or you have actvities planned for them to do, it's difficult to visit an unfamiliar town and be expected to navigate it alone.

You should be a wedding planner!

I dealt with all of the things mentioned previously: people RSVPing and not showing, people not RSVPing and showing (including a cousin who traveled about 600 miles to get there....HELLO!!! you obviously planned to be there! Why didn't you let ME know??? I forgave her though, becaus she gave us a VERY nice Check! ) people bringing
extra folks and the kicker was the person who told another person she was coming but did not RSVP, I called her to confirm and she said no, they couldn't come. She called me back 2 days later (about 3 days before the wedding) and said yes they were coming..would that be o.k. I worked it out with the caterer (we were having a formal, sit down dinner. Who ever said that make over was right), reordered the seating chart only to have them not show up!!

For those of you who are still in the planning mode, set your RSVP date 3 - 4 days before you really need it.. You are going to have those folks who put it in the mail the day it is due!

[narcolept]

I had a really big baby shower and I encountered the same problem with RSVP. So, I gave people many ways to RSVP. I had the cards sent, I also gave an email address to which they could rsvp, and I set up a voice mailbox (kind of like a sub-mail) where they could rsvp. On the voicemail, It just had my regular message and I also said "If you are calling to rsvp for the shower press 2...". That way, people who are not so inclined to walk to the mailbox and put an envelope in, could either pick up a phone or email it to me. It actually worked well. A lot of people emailed. Then, of course, a few days before the event I had my "hostesses" call the people who had not responded. Hope this helps.

[Rain Man]

....because I posted a true, yet somewhat sad wedding story that clearly demonstrates the need for wedding guests to RSVP their arrival.