Life's short, get a divorce

[susan314]

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

Marriages are NOT fairy tales. They are serious. I don't think this seriousness is relayed.

You hit the nail on the head here!

I do think that it can be a good thing that some of the societal stigma of divorce is gone. (For example, 50 years ago, a person may have stayed with a chronically unfaithful or abusive partner just to avoid the stigma of divorce. The stigma being gone gives that person more options.)

That said, I think that we (as a society) have went a little too far to the opposite extreme. There are people who think that "good" marriages don't have rocky patches, that "good" couples never fight or disagree, etc. So, some of those people give up at the first sign of a problem. When the "giving up" occurs, they might not necessarily run to the divorce lawyer, but they may start withdrawing emotionally from the marriage...once one partner starts to "give up" mentally, its hard to reverse that deterioration.

All couples disagree occasionally. All marriages occasionally go through rough patches. While a person shouldn't be subject to chronic and vicious arguing, its certainly not realistic to think that a person will never argue with their spouse either. I always chuckle when a relative newlywed expresses concern because they "just had their first fight" - honey, it was bound to happen eventually. Arguing isn't the problem - its how the couple argues that is a problem. (Does it get violent? Do they hold grudges? Do they fight fair? etc.)

(Note - it should go without saying, but I'll say it anyhow: I'm certainly not saying that all divorces come about any one particular way - each has its own set of circumstances. But we've all witnessed/experienced those relationships that die a slow death...or even come to a sudden end...because one or both parties gave up once the honeymoon period was over and a little trouble came along.)

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by susan314

You hit the nail on the head here!

I do think that it can be a good thing that some of the societal stigma of divorce is gone. (For example, 50 years ago, a person may have stayed with a chronically unfaithful or abusive partner just to avoid the stigma of divorce. The stigma being gone gives that person more options.)

That said, I think that we (as a society) have went a little too far to the opposite extreme. There are people who think that "good" marriages don't have rocky patches, that "good" couples never fight or disagree, etc. So, some of those people give up at the first sign of a problem. When the "giving up" occurs, they might not necessarily run to the divorce lawyer, but they may start withdrawing emotionally from the marriage...once one partner starts to "give up" mentally, its hard to reverse that deterioration.

All couples disagree occasionally. All marriages occasionally go through rough patches. While a person shouldn't be subject to chronic and vicious arguing, its certainly not realistic to think that a person will never argue with their spouse either. I always chuckle when a relative newlywed expresses concern because they "just had their first fight" - honey, it was bound to happen eventually. Arguing isn't the problem - its how the couple argues that is a problem. (Does it get violent? Do they hold grudges? Do they fight fair? etc.)

(Note - it should go without saying, but I'll say it anyhow: I'm certainly not saying that all divorces come about any one particular way - each has its own set of circumstances. But we've all witnessed/experienced those relationships that die a slow death...or even come to a sudden end...because one or both parties gave up once the honeymoon period was over and a little trouble came along.)

Some of the articles I read from Gary Chapman and others said that "good marriages" do argue and have disagreements, but they fight fair. They keep the gloves up and don't hold onto the neck. Moreover, the fighting is actually funny from outsiders, not belittling, but actually hilarious...

My husband and I are beginning to get use to each others mood swings and we argue and fight that way... It diffuses many a situation fast. But it's those little things that we make it work.

How do people get to that: EVOLUTION--through Natural Selection...

[cheerfulgreek]

Good night all. I enjoyed chatting with you.

CG

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by susan314

You hit the nail on the head here!

I do think that it can be a good thing that some of the societal stigma of divorce is gone. (For example, 50 years ago, a person may have stayed with a chronically unfaithful or abusive partner just to avoid the stigma of divorce. The stigma being gone gives that person more options.)

That said, I think that we (as a society) have went a little too far to the opposite extreme. There are people who think that "good" marriages don't have rocky patches, that "good" couples never fight or disagree, etc. So, some of those people give up at the first sign of a problem. When the "giving up" occurs, they might not necessarily run to the divorce lawyer, but they may start withdrawing emotionally from the marriage...once one partner starts to "give up" mentally, its hard to reverse that deterioration.

All couples disagree occasionally. All marriages occasionally go through rough patches. While a person shouldn't be subject to chronic and vicious arguing, its certainly not realistic to think that a person will never argue with their spouse either. I always chuckle when a relative newlywed expresses concern because they "just had their first fight" - honey, it was bound to happen eventually. Arguing isn't the problem - its how the couple argues that is a problem. (Does it get violent? Do they hold grudges? Do they fight fair? etc.)

How many ways can one say "Word" to this post?
As a future (I hope!) Marriage and Family Therapist, I can say that you are spot on. How you argue, how you resolve problems, your expectations ahead of time, these are BIG factors in the happiness of your marriage. Also, how's your support system? Do you go to church (any church/temple/etc.), is your family a positive support system, etc. The rockiest marriage can get better if the support system is good, and the couple is willing to work on it.