Cautiously dipping a toe in here...

[dukemama]

Originally Posted by 33girl

OK, I’ve got a few questions…

If you were friends with so many members of this sorority, so many to the point that a sister of it thought you were a member, what do you think caused you to get cut or as you say, “blackballed”? (These are 2 different things, one relatively innocuous, one not so much.) I know you can’t know for sure, but did you maybe have really bad grades that semester or something?

Did this group become defunct while you were still in school or shortly after? Were they struggling with numbers while you were an undergraduate?

As I said above, my freshman year roommate was the one who denied my membership in XYZ. She was pretty influential among her group of friends in the sorority and I know from my 2 close friends who are XYZ sisters that she initially rejected me for membership and got at least one or two other sisters to back her up (although I'm not sure I even knew any of them).

XYZ was still in existence for at least several years after I graduated. I'm not sure when they went inactive at Duke but I suspect it was sometime within the past 5-10 years. One of my XYZ friends told me the reason she thinks her sorority is now defunct at Duke but I won't mention it here. It has nothing to do with #s, however.

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by dukemama

As I said above, my freshman year roommate was the one who denied my membership in XYZ. She was pretty influential among her group of friends in the sorority and I know from my 2 close friends who are XYZ sisters that she initially rejected me for membership and got at least one or two other sisters to back her up (although I'm not sure I even knew any of them).

XYZ was still in existence for at least several years after I graduated. I'm not sure when they went inactive at Duke but I suspect it was sometime within the past 5-10 years. One of my XYZ friends told me the reason she thinks her sorority is now defunct at Duke but I won't mention it here. It has nothing to do with #s, however.

Ok, if I were you, I would stop giving details about "XYZ" - chances are, you've already given enough info that someone NPC savvy could tell you exactly what group you are talking about.

[dukemama]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

Ok, if I were you, I would stop giving details about "XYZ" - chances are, you've already given enough info that someone NPC savvy could tell you exactly what group you are talking about.

Duly noted!

[33girl]

Originally Posted by dukemama

As I said above, my freshman year roommate was the one who denied my membership in XYZ. She was pretty influential among her group of friends in the sorority and I know from my 2 close friends who are XYZ sisters that she initially rejected me for membership and got at least one or two other sisters to back her up (although I'm not sure I even knew any of them).

3 votes out of a chapter of what, 100?

I don't know what other groups do, but my sorority most definitely does not vote like that.

[dukemama]

Originally Posted by 33girl

3 votes out of a chapter of what, 100?

I don't know what other groups do, but my sorority most definitely does not vote like that.

I don't know the exact number of those who outrightly denied me membership. I know I had strong support from my 2 close friends. If I had to guess, I'd say the majority of the sisters had no opinion of me one way or the other. That's probably what tipped the scale in favor of their rejecting me once the "nay" votes were cast.

[susan314]

Originally Posted by 33girl

3 votes out of a chapter of what, 100?

I don't know what other groups do, but my sorority most definitely does not vote like that.

Since member selection is private and not really (supposed) to be discussed privately, its hard to say.

There was one particular NPC group that I really liked when I went through recruitment. I ended up getting cut there after 2nd round. At a Halloween party that year (not affiliated w/any Greek organization - I went with people from my dorm), I bumped into the girl who rushed me there. She and I had really clicked during rush. She was a little tipsy at the party, so she told me that she had wanted me as a little sister and was extremely upset when I was cut from recruitment. Being that she was a little tipsy, she also told me that it only takes one "no" vote in her group to cut a person, and one person had voted against me. I just shrugged it off and said that's okay, because I'm happy with where I ended up. (Which is very true )

One of my pledge sisters was also cut by this same group during rush. Her best friend from HS was in that chapter, and her friend also told her about the "one vote cut" thing. (We never actually figured out that the same info had been relayed to each of us until years later - its not something we discussed during our pledge term or anything like that.)

[Glitter650]

Originally Posted by susan314

Since member selection is private and not really (supposed) to be discussed privately, its hard to say.

she also told me that it only takes one "no" vote in her group to cut a person, and one person had voted against me. I just shrugged it off and said that's okay, because I'm happy with where I ended up. (Which is very true )

IDK but if you cut EVERY girl that got one no vote ? Doesn't seem statistically possible that you'd EVER get close to quota.

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by Glitter650

IDK but if you cut EVERY girl that got one no vote ? Doesn't seem statistically possible that you'd EVER get close to quota.

Well, in a typical recruitment, the PNM really only talks in depth with a few sisters, and the rest rely on those sisters' judgements. So if you really only have to get past a few sisters (and not commit any blatant public faux pas), then it's really not as bad as it sounds.

[susan314]

Originally Posted by Glitter650

IDK but if you cut EVERY girl that got one no vote ? Doesn't seem statistically possible that you'd EVER get close to quota.

That's what I thought too, which is why I didn't give it a whole lot of thought until years later when another person said the same thing. Of course, if the one vote thing were correct, who knows the process that leads up to vote casting? I suppose I could imagine scenarios where there were PNMs that people were "on the fence about" and out of those it only took one "no"? Or where members were filtered out by other means (GPA, etc.) so not as many people came up for a vote? Its hard to say, and none of us...save those who are members of that group ...will ever know for sure. One thing I do know - that group never had trouble making quota or staying darn close to chapter total, so whatever they did worked for them.

[Xylochick216]

Membership selection is private. You can think what you want about being cut, but it's a private matter. Your friends who told you that it was one person who had it out for you could just be telling you that so there could be someone to blame.

As it has been said a million times on GC, AI is NOT intended for women who went through recruitment (once or multiple times), were cut, and now want to relive their college years. It's an honor that is supposed to be bestowed UPON you. You shouldn't be seeking it.

[ASUADPi]

If AI is something you want to pursue just please take into mind that it is a very slow and tedious process with a lot of waiting time. As for your age I have a story...

A sister of mine had a woman she was friends with in college. This woman was friends with members of the chapter but she didn't join. Fast forward 30 some odd years to 2005. She initiated via AI and was sponsered by this sister. When we started doing AI a bit more, my sister decided she wanted her good friend to be one of her sisters and they started the AI process.

So my moral is , age doesnt matter

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by wear-a-kite-LSU

I've been monitoring this post for a couple days, keeping quiet because I don't know anything about this BUT I would like you to say thank you to ASUADPi.

Her response was on topic, and gave impartial information.

It seems like some of the responses to this post have been a bit pointed and unkind.

Dukemama I hope these responses are not discouraging you. I think it is commendable that you would like to find a group of women to bond with, and volunteer for a greater cause with.

Ladies, please keep your comments encouraging! Some of you seem very negative and If I were Dukemama I would be offended by the lack of tact that a few posters display.

Thank you to all the positive posters!

You're right, you don't.

Read the rest of this forum. Then post.

Or, you could just sponsor her for AI yourself.

I'm sorry if you think I'm being rude, but you're new here and don't know how this works. We who have been around for awhile know what we're talking about, and if you think us being to the point and honest is rude then so be it.

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by wear-a-kite-LSU

Excuse me! First of all I am livid at the fact that you would respond with such attitude to a post that was thanking a kind poster and anonymously chastising others.

You obviously have a guilty conscious even though I was careful not to mention your name, although yes I did mean you. You seem to have a bad attitude toward all other posters for no reason and I personally can not tolerate it!

I read the entire thread before posting. Furthermore I have been posting on greekchat for a while and have been reading threads even longer.

I am not really sure who you think you are, and I respect that you enjoy playing devils advocate, however that gives you NO right to be rude to ANYONE on GC. You are no better than ANYONE and your actions and attitude may make you worse than some!

Please keep your comments nice... If you have nothing nice to say, don't say ANYTHING.

Also, get a hobby besides GC. you're attitude towards others may change.

First of all, I said the FORUM, not the THREAD. You may want to pay particular attention to the ones that are locked, as they're particularly good examples.

Second, if you can't tolerate it, put me on ignore. I won't cry, I promise.

Third, if you think anything I said to the OP on this thread was rude, you need thicker skin, or you're not going to make it in the real world.

Fourth, less than a month does not equal "awhile".

Fifth, if you want "nice" you're on the wrong messageboard.

Originally Posted by wear-a-kite-LSU

Ladies, please keep your comments encouraging! Some of you seem very negative and If I were Dukemama I would be offended by the lack of tact that a few posters display.

Thank you to all the positive posters!

I don't agree with this. While I don't think that comments should be discouraging, I think we really have to be realistic.

I like AI and I'm glad that my organization does it, but you have to realize that because of psycho PNAMs who've somehow found their way into our organizations and women who have flat out "AI sorority-shopped," AI has left a bad taste in many GCers' mouths. Judging from the subject of this thread, dukemama knew what she was getting herself into. Still, the thread should have been closed when she thanked everybody.

I don't agree with what AlphaFrog is saying to you, but GC isn't about blowing the sunshine up the ass. And speaking as someone who's been accused of having bad manners herself (amongst other things), I doubt that you'll have much luck convincing any GCer to change their message board behavior so that it'll be to your liking.

Sorry, but that's the way it is.

[SmartBlondeGPhB]

Originally Posted by wear-a-kite-LSU

It seems like some of the responses to this post have been a bit pointed and unkind.

Actually, they were simply honest. AI is not something that is all daisies and roses. It can be a long process with a number of requirements and there is a right and a wrong way to do it.