Cautiously dipping a toe in here...

[dukemama]

Originally Posted by AChiOhSnap

Blackballed??

Unless you did something incredibly heinous, or you're a felon or something, there's no way you can be "blackballed for life" from an NPC sorority. My best guess is that what you're talking about is that there was a member(s) in the collegiate chapter that you didn't get along with, so you were cut very quickly from their group and there were no doubts in your mind as to the reason you were cut. Correct me if I'm wrong.

If you're not willing to explore this route with your friend, despite a promising lead, due to the actions of the collegiate chapter, you're wasting the only appropriate route to AI you've got so far. AI is really an honor to be be offered to what the sorority deems as a worthy woman, and the process wasn't designed for people like yourself to seek it out of your own accord without prior contact (i.e. a close friend or family member) to a particular group.

If you still don't want to approach your friend, a non-collegiate sorority might be a better option for you.

No, I'm not an ex-con! LOL However, my freshman year roommate, with whom I did not have a good relationship, was a member of XYZ sorority and I found out later in my college career that she was the one who put the kibosh on my becoming a sister there.

Again, since I was blackballed from the Duke chapter I would not even attempt to pursue AI with them (I suspect national would have a way to check on that; correct me if I'm wrong). I do have friends who are alums of other NPCs and I can see if I can gently get some AI information from them. In the meantime, I probably will pursue a non-collegiate option.

Thanks!!!

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by dukemama

Again, since I was blackballed from the Duke chapter I would not even attempt to pursue AI with them (I suspect national would have a way to check on that; correct me if I'm wrong).

No - national does not have the name of every girl cut from rush.

Although I'm still sticking with encouraging the non-collegiate option.

[Buttonz]

Originally Posted by dukemama

No, I'm not an ex-con! LOL However, my freshman year roommate, with whom I did not have a good relationship, was a member of XYZ sorority and I found out later in my college career that she was the one who put the kibosh on my becoming a sister there.

Again, since I was blackballed from the Duke chapter I would not even attempt to pursue AI with them (I suspect national would have a way to check on that; correct me if I'm wrong). I do have friends who are alums of other NPCs and I can see if I can gently get some AI information from them. In the meantime, I probably will pursue a non-collegiate option.

Thanks!!!

There is a very big difference between being black balled and being cut. Yes, being cut stinks, but that's all it was. Sadly, sometimes it just takes one or two members to dislike you for whatever reason for you to get cut.

There is no way I/HQ would know about this. I have to say, if your going to pursue AI into an NPC, this GLO would probably be your best bet because of what your friend said to you...but please do is very carefully.

[dukemama]

Originally Posted by Buttonz

There is a very big difference between being black balled and being cut. Yes, being cut stinks, but that's all it was. Sadly, sometimes it just takes one or two members to dislike you for whatever reason for you to get cut.

There is no way I/HQ would know about this. I have to say, if your going to pursue AI into an NPC, this GLO would probably be your best bet because of what your friend said to you...but please do is very carefully.

Thanks for clarifiying that, Buttonz. I guess I did use the wrong terminology. I suppose that if the person 86ing me were a few years older I could have been extended a bid after she graduated, but no such luck!

Unfortunately, the woman who made the "honorary member" comment to me is not a close friend with whom I keep in regular contact. It would be highly unusual, to say the least, for her to get an e-mail from me inquiring about membership into XYZ and I'd be uncomfortable doing that. What I may do is ask my two close girlfriends who are also XYZ sisters for some advice on the subject -- I know they wouldn't hesitate to discuss it with me.

[33girl]

OK, I’ve got a few questions…

If you were friends with so many members of this sorority, so many to the point that a sister of it thought you were a member, what do you think caused you to get cut or as you say, “blackballed”? (These are 2 different things, one relatively innocuous, one not so much.) I know you can’t know for sure, but did you maybe have really bad grades that semester or something?

Did this group become defunct while you were still in school or shortly after? Were they struggling with numbers while you were an undergraduate?

[susan314]

Originally Posted by 33girl

OIf you were friends with so many members of this sorority, so many to the point that a sister of it thought you were a member, what do you think caused you to get cut or as you say, “blackballed”? (These are 2 different things, one relatively innocuous, one not so much.) I know you can’t know for sure, but did you maybe have really bad grades that semester or something?

Another thought that I had was about recommendation letters. I'm not familiar with the Greek system at Duke (technically its in the south, but I wouldn't necessarily think of it as a "Southern school") - are rec letters important when going through recruitment there? If so, did dukemama obtain them?

Recs weren't all that important on my campus, but I know that at some schools not having recs can pretty much guarantee getting cut hard.

[dukemama]

Originally Posted by 33girl

OK, I’ve got a few questions…

If you were friends with so many members of this sorority, so many to the point that a sister of it thought you were a member, what do you think caused you to get cut or as you say, “blackballed”? (These are 2 different things, one relatively innocuous, one not so much.) I know you can’t know for sure, but did you maybe have really bad grades that semester or something?

Did this group become defunct while you were still in school or shortly after? Were they struggling with numbers while you were an undergraduate?

As I said above, my freshman year roommate was the one who denied my membership in XYZ. She was pretty influential among her group of friends in the sorority and I know from my 2 close friends who are XYZ sisters that she initially rejected me for membership and got at least one or two other sisters to back her up (although I'm not sure I even knew any of them).

XYZ was still in existence for at least several years after I graduated. I'm not sure when they went inactive at Duke but I suspect it was sometime within the past 5-10 years. One of my XYZ friends told me the reason she thinks her sorority is now defunct at Duke but I won't mention it here. It has nothing to do with #s, however.

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by dukemama

As I said above, my freshman year roommate was the one who denied my membership in XYZ. She was pretty influential among her group of friends in the sorority and I know from my 2 close friends who are XYZ sisters that she initially rejected me for membership and got at least one or two other sisters to back her up (although I'm not sure I even knew any of them).

XYZ was still in existence for at least several years after I graduated. I'm not sure when they went inactive at Duke but I suspect it was sometime within the past 5-10 years. One of my XYZ friends told me the reason she thinks her sorority is now defunct at Duke but I won't mention it here. It has nothing to do with #s, however.

Ok, if I were you, I would stop giving details about "XYZ" - chances are, you've already given enough info that someone NPC savvy could tell you exactly what group you are talking about.

[dukemama]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

Ok, if I were you, I would stop giving details about "XYZ" - chances are, you've already given enough info that someone NPC savvy could tell you exactly what group you are talking about.

Duly noted!

[33girl]

Originally Posted by dukemama

As I said above, my freshman year roommate was the one who denied my membership in XYZ. She was pretty influential among her group of friends in the sorority and I know from my 2 close friends who are XYZ sisters that she initially rejected me for membership and got at least one or two other sisters to back her up (although I'm not sure I even knew any of them).

3 votes out of a chapter of what, 100?

I don't know what other groups do, but my sorority most definitely does not vote like that.

[dukemama]

Originally Posted by 33girl

3 votes out of a chapter of what, 100?

I don't know what other groups do, but my sorority most definitely does not vote like that.

I don't know the exact number of those who outrightly denied me membership. I know I had strong support from my 2 close friends. If I had to guess, I'd say the majority of the sisters had no opinion of me one way or the other. That's probably what tipped the scale in favor of their rejecting me once the "nay" votes were cast.

[susan314]

Originally Posted by 33girl

3 votes out of a chapter of what, 100?

I don't know what other groups do, but my sorority most definitely does not vote like that.

Since member selection is private and not really (supposed) to be discussed privately, its hard to say.

There was one particular NPC group that I really liked when I went through recruitment. I ended up getting cut there after 2nd round. At a Halloween party that year (not affiliated w/any Greek organization - I went with people from my dorm), I bumped into the girl who rushed me there. She and I had really clicked during rush. She was a little tipsy at the party, so she told me that she had wanted me as a little sister and was extremely upset when I was cut from recruitment. Being that she was a little tipsy, she also told me that it only takes one "no" vote in her group to cut a person, and one person had voted against me. I just shrugged it off and said that's okay, because I'm happy with where I ended up. (Which is very true )

One of my pledge sisters was also cut by this same group during rush. Her best friend from HS was in that chapter, and her friend also told her about the "one vote cut" thing. (We never actually figured out that the same info had been relayed to each of us until years later - its not something we discussed during our pledge term or anything like that.)

[WVU alpha phi]

Originally Posted by 33girl

3 votes out of a chapter of what, 100?

I don't know what other groups do, but my sorority most definitely does not vote like that.

I think it's entirely possible for 3 girls to sway a chapter's decision. Without getting into my chapter's selection details, I will say that "influential" girls in the sorority can definitely make an impression during the recruitment process, even if it is just a select few.

[AChiOhSnap]

Originally Posted by dukemama

What I may do is ask my two close girlfriends who are also XYZ sisters for some advice on the subject -- I know they wouldn't hesitate to discuss it with me.

This would be your best bet if you're dead set on trying to run the AI gauntlet. Not all NPCs regularly (or ever) do AI, and even those that do have entire alumnae chapters who will not sponsor an alumnae candidate for initiation.

The ideal situation here would have been for you to have LOVED XYZ and your friends in the org so much that XYZ's the only group you would have been interested in for AI. That's not the case here, you named a different organization in your first post and specifically stated you did not want to try AI with XYZ. So here's where it stands, at least to me, right now...

- You really like the philanthropy of the organization you talked about in your first post. You don't know a soul in the org, but they have an alumni chapter in your area. Let's call them ABC
- You have good friends in XYZ, but you have your reservations about the organization due to your experiences in college.

If you were to pursue AI with ABC, you're treading into sticky territory both within GC and probably within the organization itself. You not knowing anyone in this org is a big sore spot here given some past threads about AI "sorority shoppers." ABC itself might not be open to you (with no contacts) introducing yourself, and that's the end of that. That said, you would be commended for trying for one group you really thought you'd like and not shopping around for a sorority -- any sorority -- that would initiate you.

Now, if you were to find that your channels to ABC were shut and only then did you turn to your good friends in XYZ in order to try AI with them...well, that would be sorority shopping, letter grabbing, whatever you want to call it (I'm not saying you're doing this, or you're thinking of doing this). Wanting a sorority experience is totally understandable, but community sororities can offer you the same kind of experience without the years-long process of AI.

Your best bet, at this point would probably be to try a community sorority in the here and now (Just like you said you were going to do!) Nothing about BSP etc. precludes you from holding membership in an NPC, and you might find that BSP et. al. offer you the kind of experience you've always wanted. Nothing's stopping you from finding out more about NPC groups through your friends -- maybe someday you'll go out with your two XYZ friends and a bunch of their XYZ alum friends and find that you click wonderfully with the women or whatever. Who knows?

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by AChiOhSnap

Your best bet, at this point would probably be to try a community sorority in the here and now (Just like you said you were going to do!) Nothing about BSP etc. precludes you from holding membership in an NPC, and you might find that BSP et. al. offer you the kind of experience you've always wanted. Nothing's stopping you from finding out more about NPC groups through your friends -- maybe someday you'll go out with your two XYZ friends and a bunch of their XYZ alum friends and find that you click wonderfully with the women or whatever. Who knows?

I'm not saying that this would be a good reason to join, but I do know of a few women who joined BSPhi and through that org met NPC contacts and were invited by them to AI.