Advice on Long Distance

[PhoenixAzul]

I've been in a long-distance relationship for...well...a long time. I live 3.5 hrs from my fiance, and we've done this for the last four years of school. Last year, we survived my study abroad, although he did take vacation time to come to Ireland to see me (a sacrifice, I know! hehe). Now that I'm going to graduate school in Scotland and possibly moving/repatriating, we're going to deal with that. After we're married, we'll have to make a decision about our living situation. We're both from the same hometown, and we love the city, but there simply aren't any opportunities for us. There are a lot in Europe for me, and probably for him as well, but we'll cross that soon enough.

But we've kept it together by
1) calling and actually TALKING and sometimes not really talking. We make 5 minute phone calls to tell each other about ridiculous things on the internet, and also have hour long phone calls about politics. Just try to have normal conversations.

2) we have lives and individual interests. While we like a lot of the same things, the time and space apart has given us a chance to develop our own preferences. It has actually helped us because it has given us a chance to be our selves away from the relationship, so that when we get time together IN the relationship, we've got tons of things to share, talk about, discuss, etc. I think this is good in any relationship though!

3) looking forward to our meetings. We set dates far in advance and we clear our schedules for that weekend. No work. No homework. No work emails. Just us, and doing whatever we feel like. No limits. It's refreshing.

4) realize that this isn't anyone's "fault". Lots of people fall into the "well if you weren't away at school..." trap. No. Look at it as a long term investment in your partner's well being and future. Don't you want your partner to be successful and happy? College/business/travel is all part of that.

Perhaps I'm unusual, but my long distance relationship has been pretty great, although I am looking forward to our wedding and being able to share space all the time.

[GeekyPenguin]

Originally Posted by PhoenixAzul

I've been in a long-distance relationship for...well...a long time. I live 3.5 hrs from my fiance, and we've done this for the last four years of school. Last year, we survived my study abroad, although he did take vacation time to come to Ireland to see me (a sacrifice, I know! hehe). Now that I'm going to graduate school in Scotland and possibly moving/repatriating, we're going to deal with that. After we're married, we'll have to make a decision about our living situation. We're both from the same hometown, and we love the city, but there simply aren't any opportunities for us. There are a lot in Europe for me, and probably for him as well, but we'll cross that soon enough.

But we've kept it together by
1) calling and actually TALKING and sometimes not really talking. We make 5 minute phone calls to tell each other about ridiculous things on the internet, and also have hour long phone calls about politics. Just try to have normal conversations.

2) we have lives and individual interests. While we like a lot of the same things, the time and space apart has given us a chance to develop our own preferences. It has actually helped us because it has given us a chance to be our selves away from the relationship, so that when we get time together IN the relationship, we've got tons of things to share, talk about, discuss, etc. I think this is good in any relationship though!

3) looking forward to our meetings. We set dates far in advance and we clear our schedules for that weekend. No work. No homework. No work emails. Just us, and doing whatever we feel like. No limits. It's refreshing.

4) realize that this isn't anyone's "fault". Lots of people fall into the "well if you weren't away at school..." trap. No. Look at it as a long term investment in your partner's well being and future. Don't you want your partner to be successful and happy? College/business/travel is all part of that.

Perhaps I'm unusual, but my long distance relationship has been pretty great, although I am looking forward to our wedding and being able to share space all the time.

I think this is a pretty good post. The fault thing is the biggest part - I'd say 70% of our fights start with "Well if you weren't there for law school..." or "If you would have taken the bar here..." and it's stupid and pointless because we're both doing what we need to do.

[Munchkin03]

I don't think it's a good idea to get on the same wireless plan unless you're living together or engaged--especially since if you have the same provider the calls will be free. It's just too risky with credit and finances.

My ex and I were long-distance for the first four years of our relationship. It worked really well because I was really busy in college and grad school, and he was very supportive of what I needed to do. I'm sure it helped that neither of us are jealous people by nature. We talked every day, except when I was out of the country--and we spoke about once a week then.

The "fault" thing never came up with us.