Advice on Long Distance
 

I'm moving in a few weeks to another state. BF and I are going to try the long-distance thing. Any advice?

I'll give you some advice. Probably the greatest advice you'll ever read on this message board.

Don't listen to people on this message board.

The end. CHICKA CHICKA BOOM BOOM!

Get a family plan for your cell phones, if you don't already have one. You'll save lots of money. (Also, standby plane tickets are very awesome for this sort of thing.)

Other than that, I don't know how much advice I have ... our long-distance periods were always temporary, and during all of them we knew it was a serious relationship and we would eventually wind up in the same place. And that definitely makes a difference - not that it won't work otherwise.

^^HA HA... :rolleyes:

adpiucf: This is probably you best bet, depending on your age and maturity.

It depends on which state.

My fiance and I lived together 2 years before he moved to Maryland (I'm in NC) for a job. He's been there 2 years now.

We found that the distance was great for us...I mean, yeah, it sucked...but it solidified that we NEED each other in our lives (he has since popped the question). We got macbook computers with ichat so we could see each other every day. We also had a family cell phone plan so we could talk whenever for however long for free (only do this if you are in a very serious relationship as it's one bill). Make sure to set a talk time...by the time we got home from work and worked out, ate dinner, etc. it was around 9 PM...and we would talk from 9-10ish. Be ready to spend a lot of money on plane tickets (if you are far enough apart to need them). We saw each other pretty much every 2 weeks. Book plane tickets early for the best fairs. We were lucky because southwest flew directly from RDU to BWI for pretty cheap. Don't change normal conversations - talk about your day, etc. just like if you were together. Be flexible and understanding.

A long distance stint will make you or break you.

I'm moving to Maryland in June right after our wedding!! Yay!

i just got out of a long distance relationship and had gotten a family cell plan with the BF. my two cents:

-don't get a family cell plan. if you're both on the same network, then chances are that the calls won't use minutes anyway. but, if you're going to do it, then get verizon because if you break up, you can break away from the contract and assume liability for the phone. then you're only locked into a one year contract and the SO is still stuck for the duration for the plan :D

I've been in a long-distance relationship for two and a half years... he's in Seattle, and I'm in Florida. While it obviously isn't ideal, you can make it work. We don't have a family cell phone plan, but we do both have Sprint, so it costs us nothing to talk to each other (a good thing too, cause we talk a LOT). We can't afford to fly and see each other very often, so we do it about every 3-4 months. It's hard, but if you're serious about staying together, you can get through it.

I've been in a long-distance relationship for...well...a long time. I live 3.5 hrs from my fiance, and we've done this for the last four years of school. Last year, we survived my study abroad, although he did take vacation time to come to Ireland to see me (a sacrifice, I know! hehe). Now that I'm going to graduate school in Scotland and possibly moving/repatriating, we're going to deal with that. After we're married, we'll have to make a decision about our living situation. We're both from the same hometown, and we love the city, but there simply aren't any opportunities for us. There are a lot in Europe for me, and probably for him as well, but we'll cross that soon enough.

But we've kept it together by
1) calling and actually TALKING and sometimes not really talking. We make 5 minute phone calls to tell each other about ridiculous things on the internet, and also have hour long phone calls about politics. Just try to have normal conversations.

2) we have lives and individual interests. While we like a lot of the same things, the time and space apart has given us a chance to develop our own preferences. It has actually helped us because it has given us a chance to be our selves away from the relationship, so that when we get time together IN the relationship, we've got tons of things to share, talk about, discuss, etc. I think this is good in any relationship though!

3) looking forward to our meetings. We set dates far in advance and we clear our schedules for that weekend. No work. No homework. No work emails. Just us, and doing whatever we feel like. No limits. It's refreshing.

4) realize that this isn't anyone's "fault". Lots of people fall into the "well if you weren't away at school..." trap. No. Look at it as a long term investment in your partner's well being and future. Don't you want your partner to be successful and happy? College/business/travel is all part of that.

Perhaps I'm unusual, but my long distance relationship has been pretty great, although I am looking forward to our wedding and being able to share space all the time.

I think this is a pretty good post. :) The fault thing is the biggest part - I'd say 70% of our fights start with "Well if you weren't there for law school..." or "If you would have taken the bar here..." and it's stupid and pointless because we're both doing what we need to do.

I don't think it's a good idea to get on the same wireless plan unless you're living together or engaged--especially since if you have the same provider the calls will be free. It's just too risky with credit and finances.

My ex and I were long-distance for the first four years of our relationship. It worked really well because I was really busy in college and grad school, and he was very supportive of what I needed to do. I'm sure it helped that neither of us are jealous people by nature. We talked every day, except when I was out of the country--and we spoke about once a week then.

The "fault" thing never came up with us.

I can't say that I have too much advice just yet. My boyfriend left last week for military training for 11 weeks. It is the first time we have been away from each other for more than a few days.:( Our schedules are opposite, so it is getting difficult to sit down and have a phone conversation. I usually leave him a quick message, email, myspace picture, etc. to let him know I'm thinking about him. We are computer geeks and we also do instant messaging from time to time. Although that isn't the best means of communication because it can easily be misinterpreted. I'm going to try to send him an old fashioned letter. :) And send him a package.
I would also recommend visiting as much as possible. Depending on your situation that might be difficult.
I really think that some time away from a partner can help you too see if the relationship is worthwhile.
good luck:)

Just call Bobbby and I often and we'll be ok.

-Rudey

Update: My boyfriend and I are a bunch of saps!:) He left last Monday for training and drove in to see me on Saturday. He will be driving back tomorrow. Luckily it is only a 3 1/2-4 hr drive.

I don't know how we are going to last the next 10 weeks.:D

Long distance relationships are hard and you both have to be committed to it and be able to trust each other 100%. I've been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for over 3 years now. This past academic year has been easier becuase he's closer, but it's still hard because he's not right down the road. Just communicate, cherish the time that you do get to spend together, and remember that it's just as hard on him/her as it is on you.

And on the bright side, if it doesn't work out, at least you're not very likely to run in to him out in town if he lives a couple hours away :D