Things you want to say (but shouldn't) outloud at work

[texas*princess]

DING DONG THE WITCH IS DEAD!!!

It's a bit cold-hearted to be happier than a puppy at a dog park because my account manager - the most useless account manager in the WORLD - has quit!!!!!!!

He will be working for one of our competitors, so he was escorted out the very same day!!!!!!!

I'm SOOOOOOOO busy but I don't care!!! I don't have to deal with his lazy ass anymore!!!

His new company has NO IDEA what they just hired! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

They are in for a super nice surprise b/c all this guy is capable of doing is surfing espn.com and cnn.com ALL DAY LONG.

[AlphaFrog]

The project manager is not stupid. He has worked at this company for 23 years, and he knows that you and your husband pay for 3/4 your personal things through this company (Though I've seen your paychecks and 401k account, so I don't know why you must pay for everything personal through the company-being that you have more money then most people will see in three lifetimes). Don't act like he doesn't know.

[AlphaFrog]

I'm so glad it's Friday - otherwise I might say something that makes me loose my job today.

[ForeverRoses]

You are a blithering idiot. It's not my fault that YOU did not fill out your W-4s properly. You are such a jerk that as soon as you leave my desk I will do a happy dance about you owing $2000 to the IRS.

[texas*princess]

i'm so pissed that you've completely flushed all the hard work i put into that account down the freakin' toilet. i had everything under control. everything was buttoned up. but because you're a complete & useless idiot you have single-handedly brought them back to square one. maybe if you'd stop spending so much time chattin it up with your husband and work on your relationships with the customers you wouldn't be having so much difficulty.

[33girl]

DO YOU HAVE ANY CLUE WHATSOEVER WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT???

[SydneyK]

Let's see if we can find your inside voice. Seriously, there's no need to talk so loudly. We get it. You went on a hot date and got some action. Wow. You don't need to broadcast it to the entire floor. Some of us actually work here. (But I'm obviously not one of them since I'm posting on GC right now!)

[Taualumna]

At my old job:

We are not machines. You can't just tell us to work whenever you need us to work. Even if you're paying us extra. We have lives outside of the office. Oh, and even if we WERE machines, we could crash.