Bridesmaid Situation

LPIDelta · #1 01-10-2007, 01:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by adpiucf

... but I really want to be there for my friend and she's making it really a lot harder financially than it needs to be. That really bugs me.

I think you need to send her an email that relays this sentiment alone. Tell the bride that you know she must be very busy but if she wants you to particpate as much as you want to participate, then she needs to tell you the details that she does know by X date, otherwise you will not be able to attend. Tell her that not being there will surely break your heart, but that you cannot jeopardize your professional and financial plans in order to do so.

Something doesn't sound quite right here. Maybe the bride is having cold feet and that is causing her angst? Maybe the groom is?

This is surely not an easy situation...and it is her day. But if she wants you at her day, she needs to give you some help so that you can be there to support her.

33girl · #2 01-10-2007, 01:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Heather17

Something doesn't sound quite right here. Maybe the bride is having cold feet and that is causing her angst? Maybe the groom is?

Yup. If someone was calling me repeatedly, I'd call them back just to make them STFU, unless I was so upset about the whole situation I was just ignoring it.

adpiucf · #3 01-10-2007, 01:37 PM

Keep this thread alive! You all, along with two of the other BM's, are preserving my sanity! I just left her another voicemail and sent her an email saying I need her help and need to know specifics because really need to book this flight ASAP... budgets and such b/c I'm leaving my job to start school ... I also threw in that I'm looking forward to seeing her and can't believe it is only 3 months away, if she needs anything just call, etc...

AChiOhSnap · #4 01-10-2007, 05:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by adpiucf

Keep this thread alive! You all, along with two of the other BM's, are preserving my sanity! I just left her another voicemail and sent her an email saying I need her help and need to know specifics because really need to book this flight ASAP... budgets and such b/c I'm leaving my job to start school ... I also threw in that I'm looking forward to seeing her and can't believe it is only 3 months away, if she needs anything just call, etc...

I say call the bride's mom or sister if Bride doesn't respond to you this time, even if you don't really know them.

I'm sure every ettiquette maven would have my head for saying that, but I think I'd decide to risk looking a little weird rather than potentially losing out on a ton of money for the airline tix. Just be like "Listen, it seems like Bride is SO busy with the wedding planning, I hate constantly bugging her with my questions and I haven't been able to get ahold of her. I just needed to know some specific dates so I can book my flights because they're getting so expensive!"

adpiucf · #5 01-10-2007, 05:45 PM

Would you believe I have not been given their contact info? The bride is one of my college friends and the rest of the bridesmaids are our "social circle" from college, incl. the MOH. I would not have the other BMs' contact info at all were they not my friends. I'm stuck. If I don't hear from her by this weekend, I'm going to pull my hair out. And then I'll be bald. And who wants a bald bridesmaid?

tunatartare · #6 01-10-2007, 05:47 PM

Do you know her fiance's contact info? If you do, I would suggest going through him to find out about the wedding and dinner dates.

ThetaDancer · #7 01-10-2007, 05:49 PM

What are the other bridesmaids doing? Has the bride communicated information to anyone?

LPIDelta · #8 01-10-2007, 05:56 PM

Hire an internet stalker to find their information....you'll get the info you need that way!

Seriously, don't pull your hair out *checks to make sure I used your properly* Its not meant to be this stressful. Set a deadline. If she doesn't responde, leave a polite message saying that you have to bow out of the wedding, but that you wish her best of luck and you look forward to seeing the pictures soon.

You're doing everything you can, and then some. I was so excited about my wedding I set up a website and mailed full itineraries to everyone that was coming well in advance of the date. I even had links to "Things to Do While You're in Annapolis" *checks spelling again* I know every person is different, but a wedding should be something you are so excited about that you cannot wait to share the details! Hopefully there isn't something wrong.

adpiucf · #9 01-10-2007, 06:00 PM

The other bridesmaids are in the dark, as well, and the MOH has tentative dates for the shower... I'm the only one from out of state. It is an inconvenience for everyone b/c they'll miss 1-2 days of work, too, but it's a 2-3 hour drive for everyone else so they're frustrated, too, but able to be a bit more flexible. Except for the sister, none of us has ordered a dress yet. The MOH may have; I am not sure.

I have her fiance's phone number, and if I can't get a hold of her, I may try calling him and using the, "I know dear bride is so very busy and I have just a couple quick questions that I was hoping you can help me with!"

I just want to know approx. start/end times so I can plan my flight and not have to spend the extra money (that I can't afford) on another evening in a hotel and missing more work!

At what point do I bow out? Flights are at around $300 right now... already more than I wanted to spend... when it gets to $400? At what point do I throw in the towel and give up? This is so silly; I agree-- every other wedding I have been a guest of/honor attendant to, there have updates upon updates until I'm sick of hearing about everything! I love my friend and I want only the best for her and to share in her happiness, but I'd love to know even more when I'm supposed to be there... and where the heck/if/when they have registered for gifts!

valkyrie · #10 01-10-2007, 06:03 PM

Dude, go have a beer or 12 and relax. You're driving yourself crazy because your friend is being an asshole -- you're making her problem (being an asshole) your problem (driving yourself crazy).

Until you hear otherwise, why not just assume that there's a good chance it's not even happening. Unless they're getting married at the Elvis Drive Through of Love, there's a very good chance they'd already have this stuff figured out and I can't imagine why they'd keep the information from you. If someday she gets her shit together and by then you can't get your dress or plane tickets are too expensive for you to attend, too bad so sad she shouldn't have been an asshole.

ETA: I would NOT call dude. I suspect there is some drama afoot with them.