Do you want kids? - Page 4

AGDee · #46 05-05-2005, 09:56 PM

I have to add... My brother and his ex-wife were unable to have kids, even though they tried hard and they had a couple adoptions fall through too. I think that stress ended up breaking them up. My dad lives out of state, my mom is very sick, and my brother and I don't talk much (he also lives out of state). I also see my kids as my future family. When my mom and dad pass, I will have my kids in my future. While I'm not a mom who plans on keeping them tied to the apron strings forever, it IS nice to know that I'll not be alone in the world (relative wise).

UKTriDelt · #47 05-05-2005, 09:57 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by AznSAE
i hope to have 3 or 4.

I want a whole herd! Hoping for 3 boys and 2 girls when that day finally comes. I dream of being a Southern housewife! The only problem is finding a man that wants that many kids..

AChiOAlumna · #48 05-05-2005, 10:05 PM

I've known since I was 16 that I didn't want children...I have never had an inkling to change that. I tell people I wasn't installed with a biological time clock!! My friends all have children and I love playing with them, but never when holding the babies or playing with the toddlers does anything trigger in me that says, "I need to have one of these." My sister is the same way...

My husband and I are on the same page (thank goodness!)...when we started dating, I was very up front with him about this. At first, he wasn't sure about it, but after a while, he realized that he felt the same way, but never had a reason to think about it. We've been married 10 years and this has never become an issue between us...

My dad, on the other hand, is now wanting grandchildren. He's bribed my sister saying that he'd pay for the college education if she had children. I told him I'd have a baby, but then he'd have to raise it for the next 25 years!! (I thought it was a good compromise)...He didn't like that one! LOL

abaici · #49 05-05-2005, 10:05 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by MysticCat81
Which, of course, is why people shouldn't apply for the job unless they really want it.

And they shouldn't be criticized if they don't want it, either.

And, I went on to say that. I have a family member who NEVER wanted children. She's been that way forever. She married a few years ago, and her husband wanted children (I think that's a dealbreaker, but they went ahead with it). So, she now has a beautiful 3 year old daughter that she does not want. It's sad. That's why if you do not want children, you should REALLY not have them.

That doesn't mean that I still understand why people don't want children. I believe that children are a joy (even after spending all day with other people's challenging children). Personally, I cannot understand anyone not wanting children because I think that's a part of our purpose (a belief that I am not willing to debate or explain). However, I realize that there are people who do not share my beliefs and they are free to make their own decisions. That doesn't mean I understand their reasons, but again, I don't have to.

AChiOAlumna · #50 05-05-2005, 10:14 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by abaici
And, I went on to say that. I have a family member who NEVER wanted children. She's been that way forever. She married a few years ago, and her husband wanted children (I think that's a dealbreaker, but they went ahead with it). So, she now has a beautiful 3 year old daughter that she does not want. It's sad. That's why if you do not want children, you should REALLY not have them.

This is such a sad situation!!! I agree that it's a dealbreaker too...if my DH was adamant about kids, we wouldn't have gotten married. It's as easy as that...we talked about this long and hard about all the "what ifs" like "What if one of us changes our minds?" and looked at our situations...

It turns out we like our lifestyle the way it is and aren't willing to compromise that (which we both know what a HUGE compromise it would be!).

This is the one situation which I truly believe there is NO compromise...someone will lose in the end...usually it's the child.

AlphaSigOU · #51 05-05-2005, 10:17 PM

No wife, no kids, and I'm in no hurry for either. Sorry to disappoint you, Mom and Dad, but I'll decide when and whether to settle down, get married and start a family. My younger brother feels the same way as well.

aggieAXO · #52 05-05-2005, 11:23 PM

I have enough trouble feeding my opossums let alone a human, and personally I think the opossums are cuter. No kids for me.

The Truth · #53 05-05-2005, 11:37 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by KillarneyRose
You should have told her, "I'm worried my ass will get fat like yours."

I love my kids and I love being a mom but that's just me. Shame on people who try to make others feel ashamed because they don't want children. It is a personal decision.

LOL!!!!!! H*** yea KillarneyRose, tell what's up!

JennRN · #54 05-06-2005, 12:20 AM

I don't want any kids-I never have. I've always known that, and even when my friends were ooing over babies, and excited about having kids, I just didn't get it. It's not my thing-there's too much else I'd rather do. Why would you want to put your life on hold for 18 years? No thanks.

What really bothers me are the people who blow off my feelings and say, you'll change your mind. Oh right-because of course, you know what I want more than I do.

People often look at you like you're a bad person if you don't want kids. That's just not so. What kind of mother would I be if I bowed to societal pressure and had kids, but never wanted them?? I know myself and my limitations-I'm not patient and would be the kind of mom who's always yelling at her kids-and I don't want that. I may be selfish, but I deserve to be. I'd much rather travel, see the world, have my career, go to my ballet classes, sleep late, etc etc.

abaici · #55 05-06-2005, 12:47 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by AChiOAlumna
This is such a sad situation!!! I agree that it's a dealbreaker too...if my DH was adamant about kids, we wouldn't have gotten married. It's as easy as that...we talked about this long and hard about all the "what ifs" like "What if one of us changes our minds?" and looked at our situations...

It turns out we like our lifestyle the way it is and aren't willing to compromise that (which we both know what a HUGE compromise it would be!).

This is the one situation which I truly believe there is NO compromise...someone will lose in the end...usually it's the child.

True. I can respect your decision. On an even sadder note, she is now divorced with a child she doesn't want.

chideltjen · #56 05-06-2005, 12:57 AM

I've gone thru cycles. First I wanted kids... then I didn't... then I did... now I don't want to HAVE them. As in physically have them. But I may adopt at least one child. Childbirth and the 9 months thing just doesn't seem like something I could tolerate health wise.

I also have this weird fear that since I didn't get to do all this cool stuff when I was a young kid that I wish I could do now (like dance, be better at sports, etc.) I would try to live vicariously through my future children. And I really don't want to be an obsessive stage mom, but that's one of my biggest fears for raising kids.

Perhaps I'll change when I near my 30s... which I'm not near at all.

valkyrie · #57 05-06-2005, 01:08 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by JennRN
What really bothers me are the people who blow off my feelings and say, you'll change your mind.

Yes, I hate that more than anything -- more than I hate people who act like you're a terrible person because you don't want to sqeeze out a pup (because they're clearly idiots). It's the whole "I'm going to disregard your misguided feelings because of course you are a woman so it is your main goal in life to procreate and one day you will realize it" thing.

On another note, I had no idea that people still had more than two kids. I mean, I know it happens, but I don't know anyone who has had more than two.

AChiOAlumna · #58 05-06-2005, 01:20 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by abaici
True. I can respect your decision. On an even sadder note, she is now divorced with a child she doesn't want.

How sad!! And worse yet, I'm sure her daughter can sense the resentment...

RedRoseSAI · #59 05-06-2005, 07:59 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by AChiOAlumna
How sad!! And worse yet, I'm sure her daughter can sense the resentment...

I think this is part of my stuff. To this day, I'm still not 100% convinced that my own mother was happy with her decision. I think there was a lot of stuff she wanted to do before having children. I don't want to be that unhappy.

LightBulb · #60 05-06-2005, 08:52 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Lil' Hannah
Yes I would like a spawn or 2.

lol!

I am one of five kids (my dad is one of six), and I want a big family... not yet though!

I am still a sophomore in college, but I do want a lot of kids and a little house in the country someday. I would also like to adopt, because there are lots of kids out there who needs some love and some extra care especially kids from countries that have a lot of food shortages.

PS - What that lady behind you, Rose, said was totally rude!