Wedding Invitation Etiquette Question

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by BetteDavisEyes

That's the plan. So far, I have bought the book Great Sex for Dummies, a can of body cream, and am searching for something gaudy & tacky to wear. Preferable with fringe.

I'm in uber-bitch mode now.

You are now court ordered to come back to this thread after the shower and tell us how it went. Thank you.

I think it's just rude to put that on the invites. Generally, people are not going to do that for shower anyway (they save that stuff for the bachelorette).

However, when she put that in the invites, it created an adverse reaction of sorts. People are offended that she'd think they would do it (and pissed at the rudeness of it), so they do it anyway.

[agzg]

Here's a random question:

My sister in law and I went to a shower for a mutual friend last month, and because my SIL was working two jobs at the time and wasn't sure she could make it at all, she made sure she had a card well in advance, so that in case she couldn't get a gift (off the registry or otherwise) she could at least put a check in the card so she didn't show up empty-handed.

When the bride opened the card, she made a big deal about just getting money (jokingly, but it still made my SIL feel awful), and then she mentioned again later that "only she would put money in a card and call it a day" in the thank you note. It should be noted that none of the stores where the couple is registered are anywhere near my hometown, where my brother and SIL live. Is that mean or ungrateful or are you really supposed to be sure to give a gift and only a gift at a shower?

I tend to get a giftcard to one of the stores that people register at - one because I really hate buying off a registry in the first place (I can almost never find the item unless it's at a certain popular bullseye type branded store that I used to work at), and two, because I worked at the bullseye, I always saw couples coming in after the wedding and buying a lot of the stuff that was on their registry and people didn't get (or they got part of it, say, a plate but none of the matching set) so I figure a giftcard to that store will help them fill out their registry. Should I be getting an actual gift? Thoughts?

[SWTXBelle]

I personally don't like giftcards or money as gifts. Part of giving a present is going to the trouble of picking it out, wrapping it, etc. Using a registry is good - at least you get to show some thought in what you pick out. Checks do seem somewhat of an afterthought, but given your SILs situation, it's understandable.

That said, NO BRIDE should EVER make a guest at a shower or her wedding feel that what he/she did was tacky. ANY gift is a wonderful gift - and to put a snide comment in a thank-you note is awful.

[agzg]

Originally Posted by SWTXBelle

I personally don't like giftcards or money as gifts. Part of giving a present is going to the trouble of picking it out, wrapping it, etc. Using a registry is good - at least you get to show some thought in what you pick out. Checks do seem somewhat of an afterthought, but given your SILs situation, it's understandable.

That said, NO BRIDE should EVER make a guest at a shower or her wedding feel that what he/she did was tacky. ANY gift is a wonderful gift - and to put a snide comment in a thank-you note is awful.

I never thought of it that way - I guess I'm thinking pragmatically like "oh this might offset some of the post-wedding, home-starting costs."

The nicest thank-you coming out of the shower? From the girls who planned it, thanking me for coming into town a day early so that I could help with the food and set-up. FWIW, I don't think I can get too upset about it because the bride sent a nice thank you note to me, expressing her regret that my boyfriend and I couldn't make it (cousin getting married the same day in a different state).

[AOII_LB93]

Originally Posted by alphagamzetagam

Here's a random question:

My sister in law and I went to a shower for a mutual friend last month, and because my SIL was working two jobs at the time and wasn't sure she could make it at all, she made sure she had a card well in advance, so that in case she couldn't get a gift (off the registry or otherwise) she could at least put a check in the card so she didn't show up empty-handed.

When the bride opened the card, she made a big deal about just getting money (jokingly, but it still made my SIL feel awful), and then she mentioned again later that "only she would put money in a card and call it a day" in the thank you note. It should be noted that none of the stores where the couple is registered are anywhere near my hometown, where my brother and SIL live. Is that mean or ungrateful or are you really supposed to be sure to give a gift and only a gift at a shower?

I tend to get a giftcard to one of the stores that people register at - one because I really hate buying off a registry in the first place (I can almost never find the item unless it's at a certain popular bullseye type branded store that I used to work at), and two, because I worked at the bullseye, I always saw couples coming in after the wedding and buying a lot of the stuff that was on their registry and people didn't get (or they got part of it, say, a plate but none of the matching set) so I figure a giftcard to that store will help them fill out their registry. Should I be getting an actual gift? Thoughts?

My thoughts? The bride is a rude bitch. How tacky to say something like that at the shower and then again in the thank you card. Be grateful for whatever you get, no matter what it is and give a sincere thanks, not a bitchtastic card like that.

FWIW, cash/checks were the predominant gifts at my cousin's wedding in NY. Out here in CA it seems people are more likely to give you an actual gift.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by AOII_LB93

My thoughts? The bride is a rude bitch. How tacky to say something like that at the shower and then again in the thank you card. Be grateful for whatever you get, no matter what it is and give a sincere thanks, not a bitchtastic card like that.

So true. Whether cash/check gifts are considered appropriate has alot to do with where you're from (ex: it's not the norm where I'm from). Whether the bride considers a cash gift inappropriate or not, she should always be grateful for any gift and never rude.

Sometimes women need to remember that it doesn't pay to be rude at your wedding or other wedding events, since you still have see/interact with some of your guests (especially family) afterward (and family, pretty well the rest of your life).

[OneTimeSBX]

i dont know if this is a regional thing, and i scanned to see if i saw anyone mention it, but there is a practice here of having a bridal "showcase" for lack of a better word...

basically you register for the gifts and have them sent to your home, and they are displayed around the house with the purchasers name in front of it...so people walk around eating and talking about how Mary's cheap a** only got you a toaster, while Amy was SOOOO generous and sprung for that entire Rachel Ray cookware set...how ballsy is THAT???

[SWTXBelle]

It is a southern "thing", and I don't much care for it. It was more widespread at one time - look at "Father of the Bride" with Elizabeth Taylor - but has died down somewhat.

I guess it would keep your guests from going too cheap, which I do not think is a lofty goal.

[APhi Sailorgirl]

For me a shower is normally where gifts are given just for the fun of breaking the bows off, etc and all those silly myths.

With that, a gift card/money/check whatever is just as happy in my home as a gift. I was more happy to see lots of friends in one place than any other part of the shower really.

And as for the "open" gift type parties, those are boring. I want the tacky bow plate rehearsal bouquet. So I need those gifts wrapped people!

[greeklawgirl]

Originally Posted by OneTimeSBX

i dont know if this is a regional thing, and i scanned to see if i saw anyone mention it, but there is a practice here of having a bridal "showcase" for lack of a better word...

basically you register for the gifts and have them sent to your home, and they are displayed around the house with the purchasers name in front of it...so people walk around eating and talking about how Mary's cheap a** only got you a toaster, while Amy was SOOOO generous and sprung for that entire Rachel Ray cookware set...how ballsy is THAT???

Originally Posted by SWTXBelle

It is a southern "thing", and I don't much care for it. It was more widespread at one time - look at "Father of the Bride" with Elizabeth Taylor - but has died down somewhat.

I guess it would keep your guests from going too cheap, which I do not think is a lofty goal.

Its not just a regional thing--its a cultural thing. I had a "sip and see" as well, although I would never EVER put people's names in front of the gifts. I wouldn't want my friends and family to feel embarrassed. The gifts took over my parents' dining room! Anyway, I think in the Greek culture its a left-over vestige of the times when brides had dowries and everyone in the village came to the bride's house to see.

[SWTXBelle]

Originally Posted by greeklawgirl

Its not just a regional thing--its a cultural thing. I had a "sip and see" as well, although I would never EVER put people's names in front of the gifts. I wouldn't want my friends and family to feel embarrassed. The gifts took over my parents' dining room! Anyway, I think in the Greek culture its a left-over vestige of the times when brides had dowries and everyone in the village came to the bride's house to see.

Sorry - I did not mean to insinuate that it was ONLY a southern thing - but given that SBX is in Virginia, I thought I would address it from the southern perspective. So, it is a southern thing, and apparently also a Greek thing. Any others?

I like your idea of not putting the guests' names in front of the gifts - although you would have to be very, VERY careful about discussing that tacky gift with someone.

[OneTimeSBX]

Originally Posted by SWTXBelle

Sorry - I did not mean to insinuate that it was ONLY a southern thing - but given that SBX is in Virginia, I thought I would address it from the southern perspective. So, it is a southern thing, and apparently also a Greek thing. Any others?

I like your idea of not putting the guests' names in front of the gifts - although you would have to be very, VERY careful about discussing that tacky gift with someone.

i can see it now, standing next to someone who is mumbling "my god, WHO on earth bought her that awful cutlery?? and from Target? how cheap!" and YOU are the cheap tacky Target shopper lol!

my dad hates the idea of a registry at ALL and refuses to buy anything off of them! he feels they are rude by telling you what you have to buy, and he is going to give you what he wants you to have lol! i always tell him it is SO not that serious!

[ZTABullwinkle]

Originally Posted by APhi Sailorgirl

For me a shower is normally where gifts are given just for the fun of breaking the bows off, etc and all those silly myths.

With that, a gift card/money/check whatever is just as happy in my home as a gift. I was more happy to see lots of friends in one place than any other part of the shower really.

And as for the "open" gift type parties, those are boring. I want the tacky bow plate rehearsal bouquet. So I need those gifts wrapped people!

Almost all of my gifts have not had a ribbon, so I have a pretty small rehearsal bouquet. I noticed that many of my gifts came with the price tag still attached! (Including a card I got yesterday.) My mom always taught me to remove pricetags from gifts before wrapping (there is a running joke at Christmas as to whose gift will have a tag attached). Is this the norm nowadays?

[33girl]

Originally Posted by ZTABullwinkle

Almost all of my gifts have not had a ribbon, so I have a pretty small rehearsal bouquet. I noticed that many of my gifts came with the price tag still attached! (Including a card I got yesterday.) My mom always taught me to remove pricetags from gifts before wrapping (there is a running joke at Christmas as to whose gift will have a tag attached). Is this the norm nowadays?

Umm NO. I can't believe anyone would be so tacky as to do that!!!

[ZTABullwinkle]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Umm NO. I can't believe anyone would be so tacky as to do that!!!

Thank you. I was wondering about that. I didn't notice the price tags at first, but my mom sure did when we taking the gifts out to the car.