I'm thinking about dropping.

[sm1308]

I've been in my sorority for a year now. I pledged last spring and I was SO happy. It seemed like it was perfect for me. Everybody seemed genuinely interested in me. A girl I was really close with ended up being my big, and I couldn't have been happier. I was so excited to come back this year and be with my sisters.

But since then, it hasn't panned out. My big and I don't even talk anymore. She's generally disliked by everyone in our chapter, which I didn't know until this year. I also found out she wouldn't even let anyone else hang out with me when I was a new member because then I might have gotten another big. I have no desire to fix our relationship, but it's disappointing that I don't get to have a connection with my big.

And it's more than just that. I was pretty awkward in high school. I had a small group of friends, and I was usually the one who people gave shit to. I thought it would be different in my sorority, but it's not. People still laugh about how drunk I was at semi formal and they forget I've been sober at EVERY OTHER date party. A lot of my sisters come off really condescendingly to me, and I'm sick of it.

I'm not the most secure person ever because I wasn't popular at all in high school. I don't think anybody here likes me. Our sorority is one of the smallest on campus, and we've been working on getting our numbers up. But I feel like to them, I'm just another number. I only ran for a non-exec position (writing the newsletter... which would've been perfect for me since I'm a communications major) and I didn't get it. I don't think I have any real friends here. Nobody invites me to do anything with them outside of sorority events. I spend most Friday and Saturday nights in my room alone, watching Netflix.

The only good thing that's come out of my time in this sorority is my little. She's basically the only reason I haven't dropped yet. And I know she'd be upset if I dropped. But at the same time, I have had so many bad weeks where I've felt like no one likes me here. And she's had to help me through all of them. I don't want to keep dragging her down, because people in this chapter really like her. I don't want her to have to be the one who constantly needs to save me when I'm not happy here anyway.

This past weekend was the last straw. Everybody went out. Nobody invited me. I spent the last weekend before finals alone in my room. I'm pretty sure I'm going to drop. The only problem is I'm a legacy and I know my mom would throw a fit if I dropped. I also don't really have friends outside the sorority, because all my friends freshman year ended up joining this house. But I don't feel like I have friends here either, so what's the difference?

Wow. Long post. Sorry guys.