Loved Ones Agianst Sororities :( - Page 7

Senusret I · #1 09-14-2008, 01:22 PM

First, you may want to edit out the name of the sorority, but I do think the fact that it's an NPHC sorority is germane to the conversation.

Dude is obviously not being there for you 100 percent of the time if he's not with you for this.

RareTreasure · #2 09-14-2008, 01:32 PM

Thats what I tell him. I told him that there is no exception to what I would do for him. I would go through the unthinkable for something I am dedicated to, but i think he has a fear of loosing me to it. I just want to be able to prove him wrong without loosing him.

RareTreasure · #3 09-15-2008, 03:53 PM

i really dont wanna leave him.....but he doesn't want to be with me because of this

33girl · #4 09-15-2008, 03:59 PM

Let me put it simply.

Your boyfriend is an insecure, controlling dickhead.

If you give in to him on this, 2-5-10 years down the road there will be something ELSE that he doesn't want you to do - only this time it might affect your career, your relationship with your family, or your physical and/or mental health.

If your relationship is 1/10th of what you've told us about, you need to GET OUT NOW. He broke up with you - thank God he has at least a little pride!! He made it easy.

Walk away, and DON'T LOOK BACK.

MysticCat · #5 09-15-2008, 04:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RareTreasure

So....he says i have no integrity......and he says that i just want to be a part of something. My reasons aren't "real" enough to him, and he says that i said i would never go through some of the stuff when it was 1st brought to my attention.....now, just to be a part of something i will.

I keep telling him he just doesn't get it.

I would say that saying he doesn't get it is an extreme understatement.

Quote:

Originally Posted by RareTreasure

i really dont wanna leave him.....but he doesn't want to be with me because of this

Listen to 33girl and everyone else. He's telling you that he doesn't want to be with you because you're thinking for yourself and not doing what he says.

If he doesn't want to be with the real you, then why in the world would you want to be with him?

RareTreasure · #6 09-15-2008, 04:04 PM

It's easier said then done........he just feels that i am week

#7 09-15-2008, 04:09 PM

To the OP, if you don't want to take our advice, fine.

Ultimately the decision is up to you. You can choose to stay stuck in this shit, or you can get out, like many GCers have advised.

Most normal people would want to take the necessary steps to make their lives better.

RareTreasure · #8 09-15-2008, 04:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OTW

Most normal people would want to take the necessary steps to make their lives better.

If I am given the opportunity to join...then i will be taking it. I am going to do it, and I am not going to back down......but I want him to support me. All i want out of him right now is to get over all that he has in his head (good or bad) and support me.

So joining in not in question....

Spinderella · #9 09-16-2008, 09:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RareTreasure

If I am given the opportunity to join...then i will be taking it. I am going to do it, and I am not going to back down......but I want him to support me. All i want out of him right now is to get over all that he has in his head (good or bad) and support me.

So joining in not in question....

When a man truly loves you, you don't have to beg for support. Support is unconditional...this is what good looks like:

"Baby girl, I'm not really feeling this sorority thing and I am afraid that its going to mess up our thing. But if you really want to do it, I'll get you a nice gift. Come see me first when you cross."

33girl · #10 09-15-2008, 04:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RareTreasure

It's easier said then done........he just feels that I am weak

He is the weak one, not you. Unless you do something asinine like beg him to take you back.

ASTalumna06 · #11 09-15-2008, 04:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RareTreasure

It's easier said then done........he just feels that i am week

So.. you want to be with someone who thinks you're weak?

Even was I was at my lowest point, struggling to even get a decent job, and having a hard time with a lot of different things in my life, my boyfriend constantly told me that I was an amazing person who WILL succeed. He always said that I was the best thing to happen to him, and that he was lucky to be with such a strong person.

And your bf is telling you that you're weak for no legitimate reason whatsoever?

Trust me... I've been in enough relationships to know the difference between a good one and a bad one, and this is a VERY bad one. I was with someone who was like that. I was with him in my senior year of high school and my freshmen year of college, and I wasted my first year in school being attached to him because he didn't want me to go anywhere else. When I told him about my desire to go to law school, he replied, "well that's stupid," and that was it for me.

It's not going to end. It really isn't. And you've spent 5 pages in this thread complaining about him. And now you're questioning whether you made the right decision? Read through all of your posts, and then ask yourself if that's who you truly want to be with.

I know that you've been with him for a long time and that you're "comfortable". Again, been there, done that. But when you get out of that relationship for good, and you find someone who makes you truly happy (even if it's just a good friend to go out with on Saturday nights), it is so incredibly liberating.

RareTreasure · #12 09-15-2008, 04:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

And you've spent 5 pages in this thread complaining about him. And now you're questioning whether you made the right decision? Read through all of your posts, and then ask yourself if that's who you truly want to be with.

My decision has not changed......I will be pledging if the sorority gives me the opportunity......But he is loyal, and has never done me wrong... I hear a lot of people saying "If you back down on what you truly want to do just for him, lated he'll be demanding other things....." So what if he decides to get over it and stay?

ASTalumna06 · #13 09-15-2008, 05:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RareTreasure

My decision has not changed......I will be pledging if the sorority gives me the opportunity......But he is loyal, and has never done me wrong... I hear a lot of people saying "If you back down on what you truly want to do just for him, lated he'll be demanding other things....." So what if he decides to get over it and stay?

I hate to be the one to say it... but if for some reason, he does get over it and stays, it will most likely be because he realizes that you are actually going to do this no matter what he does, and he knows he can't control that. He doesn't want to lose someone who allows him to be so controlling... So he'll try to control you in other ways. Because as you've said, this is how he is, and how he's always been.

He'll still be with you, and "support" your decision... but I guarantee he'll continue to make you feel bad about it, make you feel bad about not spending time with him (because you'll have to do things for the sorority), and he won't be thrilled about going to sorority events like formal. He'll probably make those experiences miserable for you. Because those things he CAN control.

SOPi_Jawbreaker · #14 09-15-2008, 05:03 PM

Then the onus is on him to show that he's changed his ways. If someone really loves you and there is something that is important to you (whether it be sorority, church, family, friends, education, work, volunteer work, etc.), they will respect it even if they don't understand it. If someone truly loves you, they will not belittle something that is important to you and they will not make you choose between him and the something that's important to you. I don't know if you're religious, but if you are, imagine if he were asking you to choose between him and church. Would you put up with his shit then? You deserve someone who is going to treat you right...someone who (like what ASTalumna06 mentioned) is going to build you up not tear you down. If he changes and becomes a positive person in your life, then that's wonderful. But if he continues to be a negative person in your life, you don't need that. You deserve better, and you need to believe in yourself enough to know for yourself that you deserve better.

SWTXBelle · #15 09-15-2008, 05:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RareTreasure

My decision has not changed......I will be pledging if the sorority gives me the opportunity......But he is loyal, and has never done me wrong... I hear a lot of people saying "If you back down on what you truly want to do just for him, lated he'll be demanding other things....." So what if he decides to get over it and stay?

He is NOT loyal to YOUR BEST INTERESTS. He is doing you wrong everytime he controls you - doesn't support you - is more interested in his selfish needs than in building a true balanced relationship with you. He can't stay unless you let him. Run, don't walk, and whether you join the sorority or not, work on YOU instead of worrying about this loser.