Pregnant and in a sorority

[SthrnZeta]

Your collegiate EC doesn't always know everything and you don't really realize that until you're alum. They also don't speak for the National officers. Just because a few sisters may not agree with your decisions, doesn't mean they have the right to force you out of ZTA. And if you aren't willing to stand up to them to secure your place forever in our sisterhood, then it truly is your loss. We have all told you how easy it would be and how great it would be for you to go early alum rather than dropping your sisterhood altogether but you don't seem to be hearing any of us. You have many sisters on here who, let's face it, are wiser than you when it comes to these things and I just wish you would take our advice. Also, I am beginning to question your commitment attitudes in general: when you were initated into ZTA, it was forever. It seems, that being in a sorority was just a college activity for you, and that's sad because it's meant to last a lifetime.

AOII Angel, nice quote there. And so very true...

[violetpretty]

Originally Posted by ztaberry28

Let me set something straight of course I love zeta with all my heart i made a vow to my sisters but certain things happen in our lives that take precedence.

We're suggesting early alumna status so that, in the future, you have the option to participate in Zeta as an alumna, like 5 or 10 years down the road.

Originally Posted by ztaberry28

I know you alums have all had enriching experiences but my life isnt my sorority.

Obviously, it isn't right now, and it shouldn't be. You do have more important things going on right now. But again, by not pursuing early alumna status, you are closing a door that you can never open again.

Originally Posted by ztaberry28

Ive also had to give up being on swimteam and probably will have to give up a semester or two of school.

These are things that you can resume once things have settled down in your life. Unless you pursue early alumna status, you can't go back to Zeta.

Originally Posted by ztaberry28

None of this is easy for me and I wish ya'll would appreciate that Im not gonna force myself into early alum if its not what my chapter wants. Realistically the seniors probably are doing this to me to show how unhappy they are about it and I dont blame my other sister for not telling them. If they wanted me to go early alum they would have helped me already.

First of all, whether you withdraw or go early alum, you won't be around, so I am not sure why the nasty seniors in your chapter would care either way. Second of all, it's your right to go early alum. It's not the seniors' decision. Third, your chapter's EC does not have the final say. They are most likely, like you said, being mean to you and just reading out of the manual which likely doesn't have prescribed procedures for when a member becomes pregnant. I would bet a lot of money that your chapter's advisors DO have the power to overturn the EC's decision and let you go early alum without paying this semester's dues.

I think it's really sad that you're letting some nasty seniors bully you around and not seek early alumna status. Seriously, all you have to do is make a phone call to your advisors and sign some things, no more trouble than it would be to withdraw.

You're closing and locking the door on a lifetime of sisterhood in the future by choosing to not call an advisor, and that is YOUR loss.

[SthrnZeta]

Originally Posted by ztaberry28

If they wanted me to go early alum they would have helped me already.

It's YOUR membership, it's not up to them to make sure you stay in. You're old enough to get married and have a baby, you're old enough to fight your own battles.

[lilzetakitten]

ZTAberry, I totally get that right now you have bigger things to worry about than Zeta. A child is a huge commitment, as is marriage! But this advice is coming from another collegiate, not an alumna. I don't have the same pressing issues you do, but I am in the same life stage.

Your chapter sisters had their chance to deny membership to you as you went through recruitment. However, when they chose to give you a bid, the ball went into your court, and it's been there ever since. They have absolutely NO RIGHT to deny you your membership in ZTA.

Do you have a close relationship with any of your advisors? Even if you don't, I'm certain that they would be more than happy to help you keep your membership. The EC of your chapter is not the be-all, end-all to ZTA. You can very easily go over their heads, and that's your right completely.

Even if you don't want to do this for you right now, think about what it would mean if you had a girl, to know that you could share that sisterhood with her. It's always very special to my chapter when we get a legacy, especially when her family member can come to her initiation.

Like I mentioned, this is your choice, and I don't doubt that you love ZTA. But you have just as much right to keep your membership as any other initiated sister.

[couggirl]

Originally Posted by lilzetakitten

Do you have a close relationship with any of your advisors? Even if you don't, I'm certain that they would be more than happy to help you keep your membership. The EC of your chapter is not the be-all, end-all to ZTA. You can very easily go over their heads, and that's your right completely.

It sounded from a post in the start of this thread that she is close to her Big sister, maybe she could help her with (at least) moral support???

[kddani]

You all keep begging her to try to stay. To be quite honest, she doesn't really seem like she wants to stay a ZTA. Yes, she has other, more important things on her mind, but it really doesn't seem very important to her. So why beg someone to stay in your organization if they don't really care about it?

[DZRose]

Originally Posted by ztaberry28

None of this is easy for me and I wish ya'll would appreciate that Im not gonna force myself into early alum if its not what my chapter wants. Realistically the seniors probably are doing this to me to show how unhappy they are about it and I dont blame my other sister for not telling them. If they wanted me to go early alum they would have helped me already.

Y'know, I was pretty content to just read along with the thread and see where it went until I read the response above.

My first reaction? Who cares what the Seniors think or want...what do YOU want?!? Your chapter members should have NO SAY in what your future in ZTA is, even if they'd like to think that they do. If you value your sisterhood, then fight to keep it! Don't let a bunch of girls who "are doing this to me (you) to show how unhappy they are about it" take that away from you. I went to a big SEC school, I know the kind of attitudes that can be generated in large chapters. Don't let the inter-politics ruin what could be (when you are ready again) the most enriching and long-lasting relationships of your life.

Your repsonses to being early alumn have been so negative ("I'm not gonna force myself into early alumn status"), it makes me wonder if you are really understanding the concept? At least investigate the option. If it just isn't for you, then so-be-it. But don't just take what a bunch of girls who may or may not be mad at you tell you and decide your sorority fate for you.

That said, if you are content to just sit there and take whatever they tell you at face value...then fine. I would think that going early alumn would be a win-win, but if you are okay with severing your membership with the sorority you love so much, then ultimately that's your decision that you'll have to live with. As long as you make the right decision for you, not the right decision for your chapter.

[SthrnZeta]

I hate to sound harsh, but if she really loved ZTA as much as she says she does, then she would fight a lot harder to stay in. It's that simple. And I have to also remind her that a sorority is more than just a club you join in college - they stress to you during your whole NM period that this is a lifetime commitment, hence the reason behind Link Week (a time of reflection prior to Initiation) to really heavily consider the commitment you are about to make because it is forever.

[ztaberry28]

How most of ya'll reacted initially was really helpful but Im not just gonna do what ya'll tell me because you think its best for me. I didnt have much time to make a decision regarding zeta and the decision I have made I might one day regret and I understand that. However it is not your place to tell me what my priorities should be. I have have other sources of advice from my family, my big, my friends and my fiance and I have also had to weigh that advice too. Initially I was hoping there would be a way I could continue as an active member, I never mentioned any interest in going alum. My mom had an enriching college experience in her sorority, dropped it when she transferred but never joined an alum group and is still a pretty awesome lady. I have not chosen the path of alum and that is something I have to live with and honestly its the last of my worries and I dont appreciate any of you saying that I dont love zeta because you dont know me and you have no idea how hard it was for me to make that decision and luckily some of my sisters have stood by me, but sadly alot havent. You should be more concerned about their love of sisterhood than mine.

I will never give up my sisterhood but now i need to focus on MOTHERHOOD.

[fantASTic]

Originally Posted by ztaberry28

I will never give up my sisterhood but now i need to focus on MOTHERHOOD.

By choosing to disaffiliate instead of going early alum, you DID give up your sisterhood.


But good for you for putting the baby first.

[honeychile]

Ladies, she's made her decision. Whether or not any of us agree with it, it's time to let it go. Maybe somebody else will do a search for this very question, and decide differently.

Either way, I respectfully ask that this thread be closed.

[violetpretty]

Originally Posted by ztaberry28

How most of ya'll reacted initially was really helpful but Im not just gonna do what ya'll tell me because you think its best for me. I didnt have much time to make a decision regarding zeta and the decision I have made I might one day regret and I understand that. However it is not your place to tell me what my priorities should be. I have have other sources of advice from my family, my big, my friends and my fiance and I have also had to weigh that advice too. Initially I was hoping there would be a way I could continue as an active member, I never mentioned any interest in going alum. My mom had an enriching college experience in her sorority, dropped it when she transferred but never joined an alum group and is still a pretty awesome lady. I have not chosen the path of alum and that is something I have to live with and honestly its the last of my worries and I dont appreciate any of you saying that I dont love zeta because you dont know me and you have no idea how hard it was for me to make that decision and luckily some of my sisters have stood by me, but sadly alot havent. You should be more concerned about their love of sisterhood than mine.

I will never give up my sisterhood but now i need to focus on MOTHERHOOD.

"I love Zeta, my priorities have changed, I have time to write on a message board, but I don't have time to make a phone call." Your loss.

[Zeta13Girl]

Originally Posted by ztaberry28

Initially I was hoping there would be a way I could continue as an active member, I never mentioned any interest in going alum. My mom had an enriching college experience in her sorority, dropped it when she transferred but never joined an alum group and is still a pretty awesome lady. I have not chosen the path of alum and that is something I have to live with and honestly its the last of my worries and I dont appreciate any of you saying that I dont love zeta because you dont know me and you have no idea how hard it was for me to make that decision and luckily some of my sisters have stood by me, but sadly alot havent. You should be more concerned about their love of sisterhood than mine.

Originally Posted by ztaberry28

early alum status is probably best for me and our baby. Im staying in school to finish my degree with the help of my family and since he will be graduate he'll be working and honestly I wont have much time for socials and recruitment, but i want to stay involved in the sisterhood.

Maybe I'm going blind or something...


Your right we don't know who you are, but remember you came to us ... you asked OUR opinion.

PS- For someone who loves her sorority so much you do talk bad about them enough.

[kddani]

Originally Posted by ztaberry28

I didnt have much time to make a decision regarding zeta

Not really. You had all the time you wanted, really. You could've taken sometime. It takes quite awhile to process the paperwork in many instances, so it's not like your chapter could've even done anything to you right away.

And, as was said, all you had to do was make a telephone call. You chose not to even explore that option, so most of us can have little sympathy for your position.

You made what choice you felt was right, good for you. But I can't muster any sympathy.

[SWTXBelle]

Did I miss something? Didn't YOU come here and ASK for advice? If the advice you have received from family and friends is enough, why even post here? Having done so, you can't then say "Don't give me advice! Don't judge!" without look really stupid. You asked for it, you got it - how about acting like a grown-up instead of a petulant child about it? If you think you are doing the right thing, that should be enough. Don't look for validation from the internet. Just do it.

I think what is annoying here are your continued attempts to have your cake and eat it too - to have us slop sugar on you and cry "Oh poor you" while you throw away the very thing you say you love. Most of us here are dedicated sorority women who have managed to juggle a variety of conflicting demands - but still include our commitment to our sorority. When we made our vows, we meant them. They weren't just words we said so we could get a letter jersey. Our creeds and symphonies are a part of who we are, not just something we thought sounded good in college but could be left behind later. I myself was married in college, and went alum. I didn't have a choice - but I continued to be active with my chapter as an alumna in college, and then once I graduated I was an advisor for another chapter. We are not just a random group of Greeks - we have in our midst outstanding women who have dealt with all kinds of issues and situations - including some very much like yours. So when we tell you that it is not necessary to drop, we know of whence we speak.

And just spare us the whole "I love my sisterhood" thing. What your chapter sisters do or do not have in the way of sisterhood is not up for discussion. Your actions regarding Zeta are. You willingly gave it up - that speaks volumes more than anything you can post here. Your mother's experience just vindicates what I thought early on - to you, ZTA was a college club, not for a lifetime. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, I guess. If you are unhappy with the response here, stop coming. After all, you are no longer a Greek. Why come to Greekchat? Harsh, yes - but warranted.

And speaking as a mother of four who went to graduate school with a newborn - for your sanity's sake you need to make a little time for something in your life that is NOT motherhood related, or you will soon become a very unhappy, bored mombot. I know, I know, the world revolves around you, you are the only woman in the world who has ever had to juggle marriage and children and school and money issues.