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  #46  
Old 05-26-2011, 01:29 PM
Munchkin03 Munchkin03 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PiKA2001 View Post
That's another thing-

I was wondering if these kids interact socially with other kids and I'm willing to bet the answer is NO.
No, they don't. The article in the Toronto Star is a lot more open about how unconventional they are. One of the two boys asked not to interact with any other kids because they make fun of him.

Kids need other kids. I know parents who did not like children (other than their own) and as a result did not encourage their kids to spend time with potential friends and peers...that is a pretty damaging thing to do to a child. This is far more willful and, I expect, more damaging.

Again--the "unschooling" thing bothers me more than the gender-neutral parenting.
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  #47  
Old 05-26-2011, 01:36 PM
DrPhil DrPhil is offline
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Originally Posted by Munchkin03 View Post
One of the two boys asked not to interact with any other kids because they make fun of him.
And he isn't the only kid who feels that way. There are a lot of kids who would not go to school if they had the choice, not because they hate school but because they hate the kids at school for whatever reasons. Of course, all of the kids at school are generally saying and doing what they have learned from the (even Godly and strong parenting ) adults.

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Originally Posted by Munchkin03 View Post
Kids need other kids. I know parents who did not like children (other than their own) and as a result did not encourage their kids to spend time with potential friends and peers...that is a pretty damaging thing to do to a child. This is far more willful and, I expect, more damaging.
All things in moderation. But, life is so complex and non-formulaic that moderation can be extremely difficult.
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  #48  
Old 05-26-2011, 11:20 PM
preciousjeni preciousjeni is offline
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Originally Posted by DrPhil View Post
I'd love to read more about this if you wrote a book about your "story."
You know I've considered it seriously. I'd be tempted to reveal a lot, which might prove scandalous within my church and family. I wouldn't mind it a bit, but I'm not the only one who would be affected.
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  #49  
Old 05-27-2011, 04:20 AM
Elephant Walk Elephant Walk is offline
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Parents who are very into themselves
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  #50  
Old 05-28-2011, 03:51 PM
DTD Alum DTD Alum is offline
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Torn. There are huge biological differences between the way male and female children's brains are set up and how they affect behavior ranging from adherence to "rules", the way toys are played with, communication skills, bonding with other children and coincidentally how susceptible they are to gender roles (male children are much more likely to dismiss activities purely because of gender roles than females are).

That being said, social constructs (boys like sports, girls like dance) are ludicrous. The way the brains are set up means that boys and girls will approach the same activities with very different goals and ways they derive enjoyment from them, but the fact that one gender will enjoy something more is socially constructed. As a child and teenager I was extremely passionate about dance, something with which I was heavily ridiculed by my peers (to the point I dropped it in college, only to pick it up after I graduated when I became more comfortable with who I am and gained self esteem). My family was always beyond supportive, but it did hurt to be told by peers that I wasn't a "boy" because of something I liked.

At the end of the day though, I think I side with those who are saying it is more important to breed an attitude of "even though you are [X] gender, you can enjoy [X] activity." By eliminating the fact that we are born either male or female, I think you are losing a lot of the progress that needs to be made. I think it's more powerful to say, "I'm a boy and want to dance ballet" or "I'm a girl and want to play rugby" than to say "I don't associate with a gender so I can do anything I want". By making that sort of statement I think you are subtly implying that if you WERE to choose a gender then things would be off limits. I can see both sides though.
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  #51  
Old 05-28-2011, 04:56 PM
preciousjeni preciousjeni is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DTD Alum View Post
I think it's more powerful to say, "I'm a boy and want to dance ballet" or "I'm a girl and want to play rugby" than to say "I don't associate with a gender so I can do anything I want". By making that sort of statement I think you are subtly implying that if you WERE to choose a gender then things would be off limits.
You make a really interesting point.
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  #52  
Old 05-28-2011, 05:28 PM
MysticCat MysticCat is offline
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Originally Posted by DTD Alum View Post
At the end of the day though, I think I side with those who are saying it is more important to breed an attitude of "even though you are [X] gender, you can enjoy [X] activity." By eliminating the fact that we are born either male or female, I think you are losing a lot of the progress that needs to be made. I think it's more powerful to say, "I'm a boy and want to dance ballet" or "I'm a girl and want to play rugby" than to say "I don't associate with a gender so I can do anything I want". By making that sort of statement I think you are subtly implying that if you WERE to choose a gender then things would be off limits. I can see both sides though.
Of anything I've read in this thread, I think this comes closest to my own thoughts.
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  #53  
Old 05-28-2011, 05:30 PM
AGDee AGDee is offline
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Originally Posted by MysticCat View Post
Of anything I've read in this thread, I think this comes closest to my own thoughts.
Agreed.
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  #54  
Old 05-28-2011, 06:11 PM
southbymidwest southbymidwest is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DTD Alum View Post
Torn. There are huge biological differences between the way male and female children's brains are set up and how they affect behavior ranging from adherence to "rules", the way toys are played with, communication skills, bonding with other children and coincidentally how susceptible they are to gender roles (male children are much more likely to dismiss activities purely because of gender roles than females are).

That being said, social constructs (boys like sports, girls like dance) are ludicrous. The way the brains are set up means that boys and girls will approach the same activities with very different goals and ways they derive enjoyment from them, but the fact that one gender will enjoy something more is socially constructed. As a child and teenager I was extremely passionate about dance, something with which I was heavily ridiculed by my peers (to the point I dropped it in college, only to pick it up after I graduated when I became more comfortable with who I am and gained self esteem). My family was always beyond supportive, but it did hurt to be told by peers that I wasn't a "boy" because of something I liked.

At the end of the day though, I think I side with those who are saying it is more important to breed an attitude of "even though you are [X] gender, you can enjoy [X] activity." By eliminating the fact that we are born either male or female, I think you are losing a lot of the progress that needs to be made. I think it's more powerful to say, "I'm a boy and want to dance ballet" or "I'm a girl and want to play rugby" than to say "I don't associate with a gender so I can do anything I want". By making that sort of statement I think you are subtly implying that if you WERE to choose a gender then things would be off limits. I can see both sides though.
Very, very well said. I'm the the mom of two very sports-involved girls, and I think you have hit the nail on the head. You were able to articulate what was rolling around in my head much more clearly than what I could have said.
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  #55  
Old 05-28-2011, 09:07 PM
DrPhil DrPhil is offline
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If what DTD Alum said was that simple and straightforward, more parents who feel as these parents do would do what DTD Alum stated; and gender constructs would be less resistant to change.

The fact that 99% of parents don't do that (even if they claim that they do) perhaps means that doing that is no less difficult and no more logical than withholding the child's gender in the first place.

The EASIEST thing is to do what people do everyday. Divulge the child's biological sex, exaggerate the role of biology in determining gender, and go with the existing gender structure of "girls do this" and "boys do that."

Last edited by DrPhil; 05-28-2011 at 09:10 PM.
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  #56  
Old 05-28-2011, 10:04 PM
CutiePie2000 CutiePie2000 is offline
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When I had the opportunity to have a guided tour of the Palace of Versailles in France, I vaguely remember that there was a portrait there of a child wearing a dress. Some people commented of "what a lovely girl in the painting!"

The guide pointed it out and said that the child in the portrait was actually a boy (possibly Louis as a child, but I cannot say for sure..this was a trip that I took in 2006), not a girl -- back in the time of when the portrait was painted, that it wasn't really the custom in France to differentiate as strongly between boys and girls until the child was approximately age 5.

I thought that was interesting.
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  #57  
Old 05-28-2011, 10:25 PM
Drolefille Drolefille is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CutiePie2000 View Post
When I had the opportunity to have a guided tour of the Palace of Versailles in France, I vaguely remember that there was a portrait there of a child wearing a dress. Some people commented of "what a lovely girl in the painting!"

The guide pointed it out and said that the child in the portrait was actually a boy (possibly Louis as a child, but I cannot say for sure..this was a trip that I took in 2006), not a girl -- back in the time of when the portrait was painted, that it wasn't really the custom in France to differentiate as strongly between boys and girls until the child was approximately age 5.

I thought that was interesting.
Also pink was a male color as it was a watered down red and girls would have worn 'baby blue' as blue was a female color and associated with the virgin. Assuming one had the money for blue that is.

Sometimes they're not sure if it's a son or a daughter int he painting and they'll look at what the child's holding, a teething 'toy' is male, etc. It's very interesting.
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  #58  
Old 05-28-2011, 10:46 PM
MysticCat MysticCat is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CutiePie2000 View Post
When I had the opportunity to have a guided tour of the Palace of Versailles in France, I vaguely remember that there was a portrait there of a child wearing a dress. Some people commented of "what a lovely girl in the painting!"

The guide pointed it out and said that the child in the portrait was actually a boy (possibly Louis as a child, but I cannot say for sure..this was a trip that I took in 2006), not a girl -- back in the time of when the portrait was painted, that it wasn't really the custom in France to differentiate as strongly between boys and girls until the child was approximately age 5.
We have a similar picture of my grandfather (wearing white) from around 1900. That was the custom here, as well.

He hated that picture by the way.

As for the parents this thread is about, I don't know. It just seems to me they are trading one set of problems and challenges for a different set of problems and challenges. Sure, what DTD Alum describes is very hard to do, even when one is trying to be intentional about it. But I think I'd rather try to do that and not succeed completely than do what these parents are doing.

But it's their choice. Parenthood, like much else in life, is all about choices.
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  #59  
Old 05-28-2011, 11:06 PM
DTD Alum DTD Alum is offline
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Originally Posted by DrPhil View Post
The fact that 99% of parents don't do that (even if they claim that they do) perhaps means that doing that is no less difficult and no more logical than withholding the child's gender in the first place.
I disagree completely, but I guess everybody views this topic differently.
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  #60  
Old 06-28-2011, 04:23 PM
PiKA2001 PiKA2001 is offline
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And another one.

http://beta.news.yahoo.com/no-him-he...122541829.html

Quote:
At the "Egalia" preschool, staff avoid using words like "him" or "her" and address the 33 kids as "friends" rather than girls and boys.
From the color and placement of toys to the choice of books, every detail has been carefully planned to make sure the children don't fall into gender stereotypes.
Quote:
Some parents worry things have gone too far. An obsession with obliterating gender roles, they say, could make the children confused and ill-prepared to face the world outside kindergarten.
"Different gender roles aren't problematic as long as they are equally valued," says Tanja Bergkvist, a 37-year-old blogger and a leading voice against what she calls "gender madness" in Sweden.
I totally agree with this blogger.

Quote:
Nearly all the children's books deal with homosexual couples, single parents or adopted children. There are no "Snow White," ''Cinderella" or other classic fairy tales seen as cementing stereotypes.
Hmmmm. I do think that children should be exposed to nontraditional families BUT not at the extent of ostracizing stories of traditional families. I think they need at least an equal balance. Will the kids who have a mom and dad living together at home feel as though they aren't part of a normal family?

Quote:
Egalia is unusual even for Sweden. Staff try to shed masculine and feminine references from their speech, including the pronouns him or her — "han" or "hon" in Swedish. Instead, they've have adopted the genderless "hen," a word that doesn't exist in Swedish but is used in some feminist and gay circles.
I don't know about this...LOL.

Well, good luck in trying to deconstruct hundreds of thousands of years of social development!
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