Asking daddy's permission before proposing - Page 4

tld221 · #46 10-23-2009, 03:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by agzg

However, I'm from the North. And I can bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan. And I'm a bra burner.

this may make it to the siggy.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kappamd

IT'S NOT ABOUT ASKING FOR PERMISSION!

Did anyone see the Everybody Loves Raymond where Robert asks Amy's parents for permission, and they say no?

What do you do? Get married anyway and potentially damage a relationship between the woman and her family? If a woman was so bent on her family's blesing and didnt have it, does she break up with the man?

agzg · #47 10-23-2009, 03:48 PM

I guess this is becoming a "well I'm close with my family so I think it's important" type of deal so I want to clarify - I am very close with my family. Freakishly so.

I still don't want live-in to ask my dad's permission OR blessing. It's not necessarily a "well if you're close you'll want this" type of thing.

Also, I'm not saying guys shouldn't ask. I'm saying it's not what I want. Just in case people think I'm heated.

Low C Sharp · #48 10-23-2009, 04:11 PM

I'm an independent, educated, professional woman in my thirties, but I do feel that I am still under the protection of my parents' household, and that creating a new household with a husband would change that dynamic somewhat. I can't see it happening with my current bf (he's very modern), but if my future fiance were to talk to my parents before he proposed, and assure them that he would protect my happiness in the future...I would be incredibly touched. It would make me certain that I was with the right guy.
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Cheap Condo Pattaya

VandalSquirrel · #49 10-25-2009, 12:44 PM

My father is dead so it would be a problem to ask him. I do have a stepfather but he'd laugh at any guy who did that and it would be a clear sign he isn't the guy for me if he thinks that is what I want or how my family operates. I had one boyfriend who said he'd ask my father and it made my dad dislike the guy because I wasn't raised that way. It was somewhat valid as a heads up when my father had my inherited engagement ring but I have it now so when the future husband and I decide as a couple to get married (no surprise proposal) I'll put the ring on and we'll call our families.

I'm to the point I won't change my last name, so a lot of this stuff doesn't apply to me. Most guys are thankful I have my own ring, no problems picking out a ring, so there's really no need to consult anyone and to keep it between ourselves.

KSUViolet06 · #50 10-25-2009, 03:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VandalSquirrel

Most guys are thankful I have my own ring, no problems picking out a ring, so there's really no need to consult anyone and to keep it between ourselves.

But Vandal, if you give yourself your own ring, how do you win at life?

christiangirl · #51 10-25-2009, 06:08 PM

^^^Bwahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by VandalSquirrel

Most guys are thankful I have my own ring, no problems picking out a ring, so there's really no need to consult anyone and to keep it between ourselves.

You know, that actually sounds like an awesome idea. It eliminates shopping, pricing, and all those other things I don't like doing (and I'm sure a guy wouldn't like doing either).

VandalSquirrel · #52 10-25-2009, 06:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

But Vandal, if you give yourself your own ring, how do you win at life?

Because if I call it off, I still get to keep the ring no matter what! That really is full of win.

Quote:

Originally Posted by christiangirl

^^^Bwahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!

You know, that actually sounds like an awesome idea. It eliminates shopping, pricing, and all those other things I don't like doing (and I'm sure a guy wouldn't like doing either).

It worked out well since I got my grandmother's ring and my sister got our great great aunt's ring (sister was already married so nanny nanny boo boo that she didn't wear it for any of her three marriages). It also means the man I marry can perhaps take money that may have been spent on a ring and put it towards a house if I don't own one already, or to renovating the home to be green or have a better bathroom.

The guy and I talked today, and we're only looking forward for about six or so months, but the older I get the less I want a big wedding and I pretty much just want our immediate family and best friend to hop on a plane and get hitched in Tuscany or Bora Bora. I planned a big wedding for a marriage that didn't happen, and it really isn't a priority for me anymore. I want a house a great husband, and a couple kids (the house or husband can come in either order, the kids are coming last). He's also not opposed to letting the kiddos have my last name since it is going extinct and he has a brother to carry on his.

KSUViolet06 · #53 10-25-2009, 07:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VandalSquirrel

Because if I call it off, I still get to keep the ring no matter what! That really is full of win.

That is a win indeed (in my book anyway).

I think I'm with you on the small wedding thing. I've seen enough people plan big huge affairs to know that I don't want one.

agzg · #54 10-25-2009, 07:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

I think I'm with you on the small wedding thing. I've seen enough people plan big huge affairs to know that I don't want one.

Thirded. I'm soooo over big affairs. They're not even fun to be a guest at anymore.

Low C Sharp · #55 10-27-2009, 12:15 PM

Amen! 10 years of watching all my friends' and sisters' drama and expense have turned me into a city hall type of girl. The wedding-industrial complex has morphed into something so ugly and un-romantic. I see a lot of showing off and attention-seeking combined with a focus on the wedding at the expense of the marriage. Give me a pretty white dress, a flower for my hair, and a delicious cake to enjoy with our parents. That would be all the celebration I'd need.
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Peak Towers Condo Pattaya

AGDee · #56 10-27-2009, 12:56 PM

My daughter attended her first two weddings this summer/fall. After the second one, she said "Would you be mad if I just go to Vegas when I want to get married?" and I said "Not at all!" Then she said "Good, because I don't think I could handle being the center of attention like that." One less thing to save for.. more money in my retirement account. I'm good with that. I did tell her that I would like to be there and she agreed that was a given.

Munchkin03 · #57 10-27-2009, 01:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by agzg

Thirded. I'm soooo over big affairs. They're not even fun to be a guest at anymore.

I went to my first BIG (250+) wedding this year. It was such a zoo. Definitely not my favorite wedding. I had gotten used to smallish weddings where you could really hang out with the bride and groom, and any friends you may have had there. This one, not so much. I even think the bride and groom were overwhelmed and exhausted.

amanda6035 · #58 10-27-2009, 02:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ree-Xi

In my family (I'm Italian), that's the way it's done. It's a matter of respect to the father. My husband drove 2 hours in a snowstorm to ask my dad in person. Of course, my dad, knowing his daughter, laughed and said "well it's really up to her", but appreciated the gesture wholeheartedly. And it makes for a lovely story! And I have to say, many years later, my dad still calls my husband "son".

My husband and I were dating long distance while he was still in the military. he drove from Norfolk VA to Atlanta to ask my Dad over lunch, on a day that I was out Christmas shopping with my mom. When I returned home that day, he was waiting for me by the Christmas tree, down on one knee.

It wasn't permission, it was out of respect.

KSUViolet06 · #59 10-27-2009, 02:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

I went to my first BIG (250+) wedding this year. It was such a zoo. Definitely not my favorite wedding. I had gotten used to smallish weddings where you could really hang out with the bride and groom, and any friends you may have had there. This one, not so much. I even think the bride and groom were overwhelmed and exhausted.

That IS a zoo. I don't think I've ever been to a wedding with more than maybe 200 guests, and I thought that was big enough. I mean, once you have that many guests, the couple sometimes doesn't even get the chance to get around to all the tables and "visit."

And really, once you get to 200+ guests, how many of those people do you actually know (and consider to be your friends?) I think you start to get into inviting acquaintences (and like 3rd cousins) at that point.

Munchkin03 · #60 10-27-2009, 02:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

And really, once you get to 200+ guests, how many of those people do you actually know (and consider to be your friends?) I think you start to get into inviting acquaintences (and like 3rd cousins) at that point.

I guess it depends on the individual couple's circumstances. This couple grew up in the town they got married in, and had large families in that town, but didn't date until a few years after college and graduate school (in different areas of the country). They made a good faith effort to cut down the guest list, but it still ended up being a lot of people. If you and your husband invite your parents' siblings, your 1st cousins, best friends from high school, college, grad school, and work, that can be a ton of people right there. There weren't a lot of crazy far relations or acquaintances at that wedding. They basically had large families.