Dropping Out Post-Initiation

[FSUZeta]

lilly, i think lots of us have had doubts at one time or another-some of us have shared those feelings with our sisters, or our dorm roommate, or someone else, but others have not. i always think sharing troubles helps, but some don't feel as comfortable doing so.

right before my initiation i felt similarly to you. i talked to my pledge trainer and my big sister and also with my dorm next door neighbor who was in a different sorority. they listened to me and basically helped me weigh my options and luckily i made the decision to initiate. i still didn't feel a huge part of it until the following year when i officially moved into the house.

my daughter felt the same way last year when she was a new member and wondered if she had made the right decision. she is living in the house this year and is loving it.

you don't have to talk to anyone "official" in your chapter-they don't have to be an officer. just talk with someone that you feel some connection with-maybe even someone who had impressed you during recruitment. i hope that your feelings will change and you will come to enjoy your membership . please let us know how you are doing.

[Thetagirl218]

lilly, I understand where you are coming from and I from reading the other posts, I am sure the others can to. Like FSUZeta said, all of us have had doubts at some time about our chapters. It wouldn't be natural if we didn't!
When you invest you time and resources into something, you are bound to be disappointed when things don't always work out the way you had planned.

I want to share something with you: One of my littles (I have twins) was very upset after officer elections. She did not get an officer position and some nasty things (not from anyone official) were said about her leadership qualities. I remember her coming to me in tears, and she was ready to resign. She had invested everything she had in our sorority, and when things didn't turn out the way she thought, she was upset. Now, after many discussions she has realized to stick with it.

I know this might not be the exact situation you are in, but I just wanted to share it with you. Please feel free to pm me if you have any questions.

[DG4evah]

I think the first person you need to discuss this with is the chapter Advisor, hopefully there is an alum who is helping the chapter. The basic reason you can say is just that you can't afford it; it is not inexpensive to be in a sorority!
If you can possibly stick with it, do. There were many times I wanted to quit: let's see, mad because my brother didn't get big brother.... mad because a friend got kicked out......I'm glad I didn't quit because after my emotions calmed down, I realized it wasn't that big a deal. The group was actually making the right decisions. The truth was my brother wasn't picked because he was kinda a jerk; my friend was really not into following anyone's rules, even to the detriment of my chapter. She had to go.
I'm involved in the alum group in my town and really have enjoyed that as much as my time in college! The alums are very sharp and connected with people in my town- I have benefitted from their friendship and acceptance.
Sometimes, there are advisors who might be willing to help you stay in.
If there are other issues you need counsel on, take advantage of the free counseling your school probably offers. Everyone has a bad semester/year sometimes- you gotta look at the big picture.

[texas*princess]

My biggest concern here is that she joined, went through the nm period, initiated, and then realized she couldn't afford it. Chapters should be upfront about what the dues are going to be an other non-included expenses (t-shirts, party favors, etc)

It sounds like you like the sorority experience (although you did say you didn't think it was a super huge part of life) and you are torn. Is that really the case? Is there possibly another underlying reason why you want to drop?

At my alma mater, most all chapters allowed members payment plans (i.e. X-amount per month throughout the semester)... is that something you can work out with your chapter?

I hope you'll be able to work it all out!

[AlwaysSAI]

AlphaFrog, I <3 you, but I must say..

I am going on two years in SAI and I am just now getting into things really well. After two years, I feel like I am apart of a holisitic sisterhood--not just the few girls I am really close with.

You have to put yourself out there and once you do, you will find something you never would have seen before.

And, I'm sorry, but if you drop out, you are just a waste of a 'member'.

[ssagee]

I'm in a similar situation. I rushed at the beginning of the fall semester, mostly so that I could meet people because I'm an out of state student and didn't know anyone prior to coming. At first I was really excited about rush, but also a little apprehensive because I didn't know much about the greek system. At the end of rush, I got stuck with one bid from the single sorority that I tried to cut every round. I told myself that I would stick it out through bid day just to see if I would end up liking it. Of course, bid day was a blast, but anyone who has been through rush knows that the first week or two are a lot different than how the sorority is overall. I was enjoying it for a while, but was not meeting many people because most of the girls seemed to be in a lot of different cliques already. I was not a part of any of them. However, big little week rolled around and the spark was ignited again. I was so excited about my big that I thought everything was perfect. I stuck through initiation thinking that I would end up having a great time. Little did I know, my big, much like the first weeks of activity in the sorority, was a lot different than my first impression. My big and I never talk, and on the rare occasion that we do, it is incredibly awkward. Second semester dues are almost due, and I am realizing that it is not worth me paying a few thousand dollars a year to be a part of something that I really don't feel like I am a part of at all. The only problem is that I'm not exactly sure who to talk to about this. I can't talk to my big for obvious reasons and the few girls that I do know would not understand. I know someone on exec would be a good person, but which position deals with this sort of situation. And just so I'm sure, it is possible to drop out even after initiation right?

[ASUADPi]

Originally Posted by ssagee

I'm in a similar situation. I rushed at the beginning of the fall semester, mostly so that I could meet people because I'm an out of state student and didn't know anyone prior to coming. At first I was really excited about rush, but also a little apprehensive because I didn't know much about the greek system. At the end of rush, I got stuck with one bid from the single sorority that I tried to cut every round. I told myself that I would stick it out through bid day just to see if I would end up liking it. Of course, bid day was a blast, but anyone who has been through rush knows that the first week or two are a lot different than how the sorority is overall. I was enjoying it for a while, but was not meeting many people because most of the girls seemed to be in a lot of different cliques already. I was not a part of any of them. However, big little week rolled around and the spark was ignited again. I was so excited about my big that I thought everything was perfect. I stuck through initiation thinking that I would end up having a great time. Little did I know, my big, much like the first weeks of activity in the sorority, was a lot different than my first impression. My big and I never talk, and on the rare occasion that we do, it is incredibly awkward. Second semester dues are almost due, and I am realizing that it is not worth me paying a few thousand dollars a year to be a part of something that I really don't feel like I am a part of at all. The only problem is that I'm not exactly sure who to talk to about this. I can't talk to my big for obvious reasons and the few girls that I do know would not understand. I know someone on exec would be a good person, but which position deals with this sort of situation. And just so I'm sure, it is possible to drop out even after initiation right?

Maybe I'm reading this wrong...but you're not going to get much sympathy here.

You can cancel your membership, you can drop out, but you can't join another sorority.

I don't want to sound mean and I know we aren't getting the whole story, but it sounds like you really haven't made an effort to "join" in.

[adpiucf]

You can drop out whenever you want. That means you are terminating your membership and you can't call yourself a sister anymore. But if you drop out after you have been initiated, you are not eligible to join another NPC sorority or to re-rush. So you may want to consider sticking with it through the end of the semester and really making a concerted effort to make friends and get involved.

A big sister isn't a designated best friend, and it may seem that other big/littles are so much closer than you. Some are, some aren't. The big's job is really just to be a person you can call with questions and the person who sponsors you through initiation. You may find, with effort, that you click better with other girls. You may also find that you are paired with a great little sis in the fall and have that great relationship.

If your mind is made up, make sure your dues are paid up for this month. Write a letter to the chapter president, dated and signed that states something along the lines of, "This letter serves as notice of my intent to resign my membership from ABC sorority. My forwarding address is _______. Thank you. Sincerely, NAME." Along with this letter, you are to return your sorority badge, any sorority clothing or gifts with the letters/crest, and to remove any sorority letters that may be displayed in your car or home.

Good luck no matter what you decide. A lot of girls drop in the spring after the excitement of the new member period ends and they aren't being showered with gifts and phone calls to hang out. You have to make an effort now. I promise you it is like this in every single sorority. Your post makes it sound like you're expecting everyone to cater to you, but in a sorority you have to pull your weight. Go to the mandatory events, go to some of the social events, SMILE, talk to people and invite them to hang out.

Bottom line: if you don't want to be part of the organization, LEAVE. No one is forcing you to stay. If you want to talk to someone on exec, I'd suggest the chapter president. I'm not sure what there is to "talk" about, other than the procedure to terminate your membership. She'll express sadness and try to talk you out of it, and tell you the procedure to make sure you terminate the membership without owing any additional money to the chapter. They can send you to collections if your account isn't current when you terminate, so make sure you are paid up.

Seriously, though, you're in this sorority or none at all. So why not give it a full year and make the effort to get to know people?

[ssagee]

I didn't say I wanted to re-rush or join a different sorority. I think I am just realizing that I may not be interested in being in any sorority. It's not that I have anything against the sorority or that I'm "expecting everyone to cater to me." I am not expecting that at all, but now that I am a part of the sorority it is not at all what I thought it would be like. I actually have attended almost all of the events that we were able to go to and although I have met a few people, I guess I just haven't connected with any like a lot of other people have. I wasn't trying to get anyone's sympathy, I was just looking for a little advice.

[AZTheta]

Something to think about: if you have the opportunity to move into the facility next school year (assuming your sorority has a "house", or even a dorm floor - I know that there are many possible living situations), you may find that everything looks very different and you will find the friendships and connections you feel are lacking now.

AND, recruitment has a way of bringing people very close together. You've never gone through recruitment from the other side (again, assuming here as you didn't say otherwise). There are some very good threads here on GC about other women in your circumstances who did not drop out, and they

If you have made up your mind to resign, notify your chapter president; there may be a form for you to sign.

[gee_ess]

Don't do anything rash. The first year of college has so many ups and downs. Stick it out through the remainder of the year at the very least.

[greekdee]

Deactivating from your sorority is one of those genie's you won't be able to put back into the bottle. Think hard about this and consider giving it a little more time. You just may not have gotten into your groove yet and will bloom a little later.

My school was on the quarter system and we pledged and initiated a girl who barely said a word fall and winter. Spring, everything changed when she volunteered to help our Social Chair coordinate our participation in Sigma Chi Derby Days. All of a sudden, she was involved, which meant she was actively engaging with people and connecting with sisters she hadn't been close to before. She went on to hold executive offices and form a very strong group of friends and I know for a fact that she is still in touch with them -- we meet every summer for a reunion even though we all graduated in...a long time ago.

You can deactivate at any time, so don't do it if you aren't absolutely sure this is what you want. Remember, too, that sorority membership is for life. I have sisters who I was not really close with in college, but am very close to now. So many of us have reconnected through Facebook and reunions. I had one sister in my pledge class who I really didn't even know that well back in the day, but after becoming "Facebook Friends" years later, we discovered we were going through a similar season of life, began communicating about it and are now super close. My chapter has a private FB page -- sisters from all decades have joined and it's become a great source for advice, prayer requests, sharing news, strengthening, renewing and building new bonds. You wouldn't believe how many in-person meetings have been planned. There's a huge group of us meeting for a food and music festival on the Carolina coast this fall. I would hate to think I didn't have these women in my life.

Seriously, give it through fall recruitment, which will be a full year, and really make an effort to get involved and reach out to your sisters. See if you don't feel differently. You owe it to yourself to do so.