Room for Individual Growth?

[violetpretty]

Originally Posted by Kansas City

Being tired or living off campus shouldn't be an excuse for not dressing appropriately in any situation. Understanding that expectations of “proper dress” may differ across the country, I’m sure that you could find something that is both appropriate and comfortable to wear on the particularly long days when you just don’t feel like it.

My chapter wasn't required to dress up on Mondays when we had formal meeting, but we were on a point system and we could earn a point for wearing badge attire all day instead of just to meeting. If dressing up all day is optional, why not wear comfy clothes to class and put your badge atttire in your bag if you have to go straight from class to meeting?

[VandalSquirrel]

The misuse of Intellectual Freedom made me giggle a few days ago, and still now.

[OPhiAGinger]

Originally Posted by FunGirl123

I guess the problem I am having right now is that your sisters should accept you, no matter what.... And when I was talking about frat parties, ... I meant, for example, there are times when I am tired, and don’t end up socializing as much as I can, and some of my ‘sisters’ penalize me for that, saying that I was not representing the sorority well.

Are you required to attend all parties or do you have the option to decline one every now and then, like when you are not feeling 100% or are stressed about something? And is your penalty something tangible (like a fine) or more like a scolding? Just wondering whether the punishment is in balance with the infraction.

On the surface it may seem silly for your chapter to expect you to be "on" at every fraternity mixer. However, I'm sure you realize that when you attend a party with another group and sit there like a bump on the log, your behavior could have an unintended impact on your sisters. Once the fraternities get the perception that the sisters of XYZ sorority are no fun to mix with, your invitations will dry up. That could even impact your recruitment in the years to come, starting a spiral that's hard to control.

I'm going to buck the trend of people telling you to deactivate. Instead, I encourage you to run for a leadership position within the chapter. I think being a leader will give you a whole different perspective, as you start to see how tightly interwoven the individual behaviors of the members are, and the impact they have on the long-term health of the whole chapter. In the meantime, you might suggest that the chapter exec board give each sister one get-out-of-party-free pass to use when they know they won't be in the right mindset, maybe one per year. It's better for someone not to be there at all than to be there and embarrass her sisters by her non-social behavior. Just don't abuse it!

[33girl]

If the standard attire on your campus is sweats and you have to wear a business suit for meetings, I can see where that would stick in your craw. FWIW we never dressed up for meetings either, but considering they were held on Sunday night it was a miracle we crawled out of bed, period.

If you like dressing up otherwise but it's the fact that the sorority is telling you to do it that's annoying you, sorority life just might not be for you. Depending on the chapter, things can either be laid back or very rigid. Yours sounds like it's on the rigid end of the scale.

[Forgotten Zeta]

i'm with ya, i've never had a dress code for meetings and every sorority girl that ever showed up at our parties had letters on in some fashion. whether it was their jackets, shirts, or the water bottles filled with vodka you guys love so much. either way, the sorority is not a job that's paying you to dress that way. why do you have to look a certain way to represent your organization? shouldn't actions outweigh appearance? especially in a private setting like a meeting? of course, you had to have known about this before you joined, so did you agree with it then and just decide that you don't like it recently?

[Kansas City]

Originally Posted by Forgotten Zeta

i'm with ya, i've never had a dress code for meetings and every sorority girl that ever showed up at our parties had letters on in some fashion. whether it was their jackets, shirts, or the water bottles filled with vodka you guys love so much. either way, the sorority is not a job that's paying you to dress that way. why do you have to look a certain way to represent your organization? shouldn't actions outweigh appearance? especially in a private setting like a meeting? of course, you had to have known about this before you joined, so did you agree with it then and just decide that you don't like it recently?

Aren't you the same poster that in a risk management thread agreed with using minor hazing in the form of physical punishment and abusive language? How on earth can you be in favor of "individual growth" and still advocate for hazing pledges at the same time? I think that you sir have a lot to learn about respect and brotherhood. Furthermore, you likely have not experienced the same campus culture as the OP so it is entirely possible that what is the acceptable norm on your campus would not be accepted on hers.

[ZetaGirl22]

Ok so getting upset about having to dress up for formal meeting..............I agree with what the other posters have said here, so Im not going to re-hash it all.

But your sisters getting upset because you are not socializing with every fraternity boy at a party is a little suspect to me. So is telling someone to suck in their stomach, ESP while bloated. I get crazy bloated once a month and if during that time someone asked ME to suck in my stomach...........well, they wouldnt be a very happy person (mostly because for me, bloated=PMS=moodiness galore)

[Forgotten Zeta]

Originally Posted by Kansas City

Aren't you the same poster that in a risk management thread agreed with using minor hazing in the form of physical punishment and abusive language? How on earth can you be in favor of "individual growth" and still advocate for hazing pledges at the same time? I think that you sir have a lot to learn about respect and brotherhood. Furthermore, you likely have not experienced the same campus culture as the OP so it is entirely possible that what is the acceptable norm on your campus would not be accepted on hers.

yes i am the same poster and i still feel the same way. i never once in my other thread mentioned physical punishment or abusive language. don't read into things that aren't there. i simply mentioned how going through something difficult can build cohesiveness among a pledge class. i've seen what these other organizations call brotherhood, wearing letters simply for the networking and the gains that come from being a brother in the long term, not for the actual ideals of brotherhood and a bond that surpasses the college experience. this post however, had nothing to do with any of that. i simply stated my opinion on the subject. feel free to read into this thread and find things that aren't there as well. why should she have to forced to socialize if she doesn't want to? is that sisterhood? really? that sounds absolutely ridiculous to me. telling another sister to suck in her stomach? wow, if that's sisterhood, thank goodness i'm a guy and didn't have to experience any of that.

[blessed_1]

I think that when it comes to YOUR letters you should want to take pride in the organization, when you joined, you kind of gave up your individuality in a sense becase ppl will refer to you as ____the xyz. remember everything is supposed to shape you in some type of way, even after you become a member of the organization. I am not saying you are a bad reflection on the sorority, but people look at ALL of the member and not just the individual....you gave up that right when you accepted the letters....or pursued the letters!!

[Kansas City]

Originally Posted by Forgotten Zeta

yes i am the same poster and i still feel the same way. i never once in my other thread mentioned physical punishment or abusive language. don't read into things that aren't there. i simply mentioned how going through something difficult can build cohesiveness among a pledge class. i've seen what these other organizations call brotherhood, wearing letters simply for the networking and the gains that come from being a brother in the long term, not for the actual ideals of brotherhood and a bond that surpasses the college experience. this post however, had nothing to do with any of that. i simply stated my opinion on the subject. feel free to read into this thread and find things that aren't there as well. why should she have to forced to socialize if she doesn't want to? is that sisterhood? really? that sounds absolutely ridiculous to me. telling another sister to suck in her stomach? wow, if that's sisterhood, thank goodness i'm a guy and didn't have to experience any of that.

If you actually read the threads you post in instead of just the first and/or last posts you will realize that the risk management thread had to do with hazing during pledgeshipin the form of physical demands and verbal abuse (to which you agreed to by calling it "hardship") and that in this thread the OP questions why she should have to follow the standards and requests of her sorotity to dress appropritely for meetings (to which you seem to disagree with). I just wanted to point out the difference in your two responses because I cannot understand how you can advocate for "group hardship" to build brotherhood yet stand up for the individual when she is asked to dress for meetings and thus building sisterhood. And to further clarify, I don't like that the OP was asked to "suck it in" but, had you read all of the posts in this thread, you would notice that I asked her to clarify because they seem like two seperate issues (dressing appropriately for meetings vs. being hazed about physical features) without any response to date from the OP. So actually, I do see a very strong and common link between the two threads and am curious as to where you stand. Finally, don't assume that this type of behavior is only on the sorority side of Greek Life as I know of many fraternal organizations that require dress standards for their brothers at meetings and I would not consider it a "hardship" to dress appropriately.

[rhoyaltempest]

The title of this thread is just wrong. Following protocol has nothing to do with individual growth especially since it's not like you adhere to a dress code 365 days of the year. Also growth is more about the inside than it is about the outside anyway, contrary to what people want to believe. And if having to dress for sorority meetings, church, work, etc. etc. is going to stunt your individual growth, you have even bigger problems and probably have yet to truly discover who you are or who you wish to become. Good luck with that.

[Forgotten Zeta]

the other thread that i had responded to had nothing to do with this topic. i wasn't the one who brought it in this thread. i simply stated that i agreed with her, i also stated that if she knew about these policies before then she really didn't have a leg to stand on. if that's the way her sorority was always run then that's fine, but i PERSONALLY don't agree with it. I'm not sure how dressing up for meetings builds sisterhood either. i mentioned in the other thread that making something more difficult helps people to bond. the pledge period is where i had mentioned that these "hardships" can build a strong cohesiveness i don't believe that dressing up for meeting is a hardship in any form, i just stated that i didn't see the point in it. These are just my personal opinions and are not meant to downplay anyone's organization in any way. She asked what people thought, and i gaveth.

[rhoyaltempest]

Originally Posted by Forgotten Zeta

the other thread that i had responded to had nothing to do with this topic. i wasn't the one who brought it in this thread. i simply stated that i agreed with her, i also stated that if she knew about these policies before then she really didn't have a leg to stand on. if that's the way her sorority was always run then that's fine, but i PERSONALLY don't agree with it. I'm not sure how dressing up for meetings builds sisterhood either. i mentioned in the other thread that making something more difficult helps people to bond. the pledge period is where i had mentioned that these "hardships" can build a strong cohesiveness i don't believe that dressing up for meeting is a hardship in any form, i just stated that i didn't see the point in it. These are just my personal opinions and are not meant to downplay anyone's organization in any way. She asked what people thought, and i gaveth.

My comment was general and not necessarily directed at anyone. And dressing up for meetings is not about fostering sisterhood; it's about being dressed professionally when conducting sorority business. Our organizations are indeed sisterhoods but they are also businesses.

[Forgotten Zeta]

i was actually referring to the post by kansas city, i didn't mean to come across as referring to your thread because i posted after it.

[sigmaceli]

I think it's important to note that membership in ANY fraternal organization, while fun and social, is also set up to prepare you for life after college. In our ideals, if we choose to live them as we should, we are expected to act and learn in ways that will make us better men and women.

I love my social events as much as the next person. But when it comes down to it, dressing up for a meeting shouldn't be a big deal in the long run. No matter how tired you are in the corporate world, you're expected to be dressed professionally every day; to look and act presentable. I miss the days where I only had to dress up for an hour or two once a month. Now that I do it for 8-11 hours for 5 days a week for months at a time, well... even if I were bloated and whiny, I'd still have to suck it up and be present. And then I miss college a little more each day.

Welcome to the real world, cupcake. It sucks.