I need advice about the boyfriend... (this is long)

[ausguals]

Originally Posted by kddani

Long distance relationships take sacrifice and work on BOTH parties if they are to succeed. It can't be a one-way effort.

I realize I am making excuses for him, I really do. It's just hard to put myself in a position to break up with him because this is the ONLY problem we have (Granted, its a huge problem.). It really didn't used to be like this up until a few months ago (April-ish). He's coming home this weekend so I think we're going to talk about it. He's been relatively nice since when I last sat down and had a talk with him, but that doesn't necessarily mean anything at all and is probably just temporary. Basically, I'm going to tell him straight up how I feel and I'll see where that goes. Face to face. Which is probably going to be a whole lot harder, but its probably what we (or I) need.

[treblk]

good luck to you both..relationship..especially in college..can be very difficult and interesting..just make sure that in the end..YOU are happy.

[Senusret I]

I dunno, she seems like a whiner and a tally-taker.

[RaggedyAnn]

Okay, I've been told I'm as subtle as a sledge hammer before, so reader beware...

You deserve to be with a man that is going to make you the priority in his life. I dated a lot when I was younger and made a list of everything I wanted in a man, would like in a man and would be nice to have in a man (but wasn't necessary). I married that man...and I didn't have to do anything to change him. There is someone out there for you and you don't need to settle. Make yourself a priority, because it doesn't sound like he is.

[preciousjeni]

Originally Posted by RaggedyAnn

Okay, I've been told I'm as subtle as a sledge hammer before, so reader beware...

You deserve to be with a man that is going to make you the priority in his life. I dated a lot when I was younger and made a list of everything I wanted in a man, would like in a man and would be nice to have in a man (but wasn't necessary). I married that man...and I didn't have to do anything to change him. There is someone out there for you and you don't need to settle. Make yourself a priority, because it doesn't sound like he is.

Amen. If there's something drastic that a woman feels she wants a man to change, it's pointless. Perhaps he'll grow out of it, but probably not. Men don't change for a woman they don't respect.

[ausguals]

Originally Posted by preciousjeni

Amen. If there's something drastic that a woman feels she wants a man to change, it's pointless. Perhaps he'll grow out of it, but probably not. Men don't change for a woman they don't respect.

He actually used to be a relatively huge partier in high school/beginning of college but since we had a discussion when we got together about our relationship he toned it down a lot and changed from the whole party scene thing (As did i) but it just seems now like he kinda went back to it.


It's college. Yes, I love him, but maybe we aren't supposed to be together during it. I really DON'T want to break up with him, because I really do love him and we get along perfectly when we're together, but I guess maybe most of you are right on here, which is why I asked for advice in the first place because I didn't really think of it as a "break up" issue as much as i saw it as a need to "fix things," but most people are saying the opposite of what I thought.

[preciousjeni]

Originally Posted by ausguals

Basically, I'm going to tell him straight up how I feel and I'll see where that goes. Face to face. Which is probably going to be a whole lot harder, but its probably what we (or I) need.

Girl, it's hard, but so worth it.

Originally Posted by ausguals

It's college. Yes, I love him, but maybe we aren't supposed to be together during it....I didn't really think of it as a "break up" issue as much as i saw it as a need to "fix things," but most people are saying the opposite of what I thought.

It really depends on what YOU want. We can only give advice from our own perspectives and backgrounds. If this relationship is really just for college, it sounds like you're in a bit too deep already. The longer you stay together, the deeper you'll fall. In that case, it's probably best to get a bit less serious.

If you think he's marriage material (and if that's what you ultimately want), it's a very different scenario and you really have to be critical. As women, I think we only hurt ourselves by getting too deeply involved with men when we're not really sure what we're looking for.

You gotta have a plan. I kinda wish I'd had an older sister when I was 18-22 who could have knocked me straight in a lot of my relationships.

[DSTRen13]

If you aren't willing to completely break it off, tell him you want to "see other people" for a while. Still date him, but other people too. You don't even really have to do it (although it would probably be a good idea), but if he thinks you are ... just make the boy sweat a little.

Most Tech boys are VERY happy to have girlfriends, and act appropriately. He needs a wake-up call.