Thank You Notes

[Xidelt]

There should be no excuse for not receiving a thank-you note. I thought it was hostess etiquette (or maybe bridesmaid etiquette?) to help facilitate the process? For every shower I have ever hosted or had thrown for me, I have always kept track of who brought what gift and provided the bride with thank-you notes that coordinated with the invites. Has anyone else ever done this?

One a related note: does anyone else see baby showers getting a little out of hand? I just talked to my mom and she told me about being invited to a "diaper party" for a relative's SECOND CHILD! I thought it was considered poor etiquette to host a shower for someone's second baby. This relative just had a baby about three years ago. To make it even worse, the "diaper party" is hosted by the relative's mother and the baby has already been born!

[WinniBug]

I have a friend who's gotten married and had a baby....
We went to a "Stock the Bar" bridal shower, I got her a wedding gift, got her a baby shower gift, and another gift when the baby was born....and no written thank-you
:-(



I have a related question....if you're invited to a shower and the wedding, do you split your gifts between the two events, or do you give at the shower and be done with it?

[Xidelt]

Originally Posted by WinniBug

I have a friend who's gotten married and had a baby....
We went to a "Stock the Bar" bridal shower, I got her a wedding gift, got her a baby shower gift, and another gift when the baby was born....and no written thank-you
:-(



I have a related question....if you're invited to a shower and the wedding, do you split your gifts between the two events, or do you give at the shower and be done with it?

You give one gift at the shower and one gift at the wedding.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by SWTXBelle

NO NO NO - this drives me crazy! The happy couple do NOT have a year to write the notes - the rule is that you (the guest) have a year to send a wedding gift. Obviously, you want it to get there before the first anniversary. I don't know who first mangled the rule but they should be shot.

Whoa, stand down there, buddy! Don't kill the messenger. I don't think it's right, either.

In the past few years, my family has received several thank-you cards 6-9 months after the wedding. We looked it up in an old etiquette book where, back when honeymoons were months long, it wasn't totally unacceptable to send a card after you got back from the honeymoon. Obviously, those days are long gone for several reasons. I've heard many people--coincidentally, the ones with the biggest, fanciest weddings--say, "well, we have a year to get them out!" It annoys me, but it's not uncommon.

[aephi alum]

Originally Posted by WinniBug

I have a friend who's gotten married and had a baby....
We went to a "Stock the Bar" bridal shower, I got her a wedding gift, got her a baby shower gift, and another gift when the baby was born....and no written thank-you
:-(

I have a related question....if you're invited to a shower and the wedding, do you split your gifts between the two events, or do you give at the shower and be done with it?

Your friend should have sent you four thank-you notes: bridal shower, wedding, baby shower, baby gift.

If you're invited to a bridal shower and the wedding, that calls for two separate gifts (and two thank-you cards). Around here, the gifts are usually an item from the registry for the shower, and a check for the wedding.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by WinniBug

I have a related question....if you're invited to a shower and the wedding, do you split your gifts between the two events, or do you give at the shower and be done with it?

It's considered proper etiquette to get gifts for both. Where I'm from, it's typically a registry gift for both. Most couples are registered at more than one place, so we don't worry about having to get 2 gifts from the same place.

[WinniBug]

Originally Posted by KSigkid

My wife sent out thank you notes after both of her showers (one with my family, one with hers), and we sent out notes very soon after the wedding itself.

Question....why was she responsible for the shower thank-you's?

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by WinniBug

Question....why was she responsible for the shower thank-you's?

Men don't tradtionally attend bridal showers (even though some couples have co-ed showers now), so the bride/bridal party are usually the ones responsible for shower Thank You cards.

[WinniBug]

Originally Posted by Xidelt

You give one gift at the shower and one gift at the wedding.

That's what I've always been taught.



And we waited until after our wedding to send thank you's for our shower gifts, because we included a wedding photo with each one.

[WinniBug]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Men don't traditionally attend bridal showers (even though some couples have co-ed showers now), so the bride/bridal party are usually the ones responsible for shower Thank You cards.

My husband wrote the thank-you's for the gifts we got from his family's shower.

The bridal party's responsible for shower gift thank-you's?
Wow, it seemed like it was all that a couple of my bridesmaids could
do to throw a joint shower (on the same day as another sister's wedding....BAD idea)

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by WinniBug

The bridal party's responsible for shower gift thank-you's?

Well, not responsible per se, just helping you out a little with them, like keeping track of who brought what and maybe sitting up and helping you stuff envelopes & gather addresses for people you may not have. I've done that before as a bridesmaid.

[SWTXBelle]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

Whoa, stand down there, buddy! Don't kill the messenger. I don't think it's right, either.

In the past few years, my family has received several thank-you cards 6-9 months after the wedding. We looked it up in an old etiquette book where, back when honeymoons were months long, it wasn't totally unacceptable to send a card after you got back from the honeymoon. Obviously, those days are long gone for several reasons. I've heard many people--coincidentally, the ones with the biggest, fanciest weddings--say, "well, we have a year to get them out!" It annoys me, but it's not uncommon.

Sorry I wasn't clear - I wasn't "NOing" you, but the knuckleheads who want to twist the rule to make it a year to get out the notes!

[SWTXBelle]

Originally Posted by Xidelt

One a related note: does anyone else see baby showers getting a little out of hand? I just talked to my mom and she told me about being invited to a "diaper party" for a relative's SECOND CHILD! I thought it was considered poor etiquette to host a shower for someone's second baby. This relative just had a baby about three years ago. To make it even worse, the "diaper party" is hosted by the relative's mother and the baby has already been born!

Wow - that's a lot of etiquette violations in one party. In my family, we love babies, first, second or third, and parties, so we'll have a tea in celebration. Now, many people will bring gifts (how much fun is it to shop for baby gifts?) but technically it is NOT a shower. One thing I like about baby #2 and so on - you can concentrate on buying cute clothes because the necessities have been taken care of with baby #1.

eta - check out www.etiquettehell.com

[PeppyGPhiB]

While we're on the subject of Thank Yous, let me tell you about something that appalled me at a baby shower I attended a few years ago. At one point the hostess passed out envelopes to everyone and asked us to address it to ourselves, then announced that this was so the mom-to-be would have one less thing to do when writing out her Thank You notes. So, so wrong.

Last year, my family and I were all invited to a couple's wedding, and though we all purchased separate gifts and my brother and I don't live with our parents, the couple sent ONE Thank You card to all of us at the family address, which I also thought was rude.

I would feel TERRIBLE sending out Thank You notes even a few months after a wedding. By then, your wedding is old news to your guests; they deserve timely recognition that you received their gift. My good friends have followed a strategy that seems to work well: write the Thank You note as soon as you receive the gift, then mail out all the Thank You notes at the same time. This spaces out the writing so it's not overwhelming, and it ensures no one slips through the cracks. It gives you an excuse to open presents before the wedding, too ;-)

[ZTAngel]

Originally Posted by PeppyGPhiB

Last year, my family and I were all invited to a couple's wedding, and though we all purchased separate gifts and my brother and I don't live with our parents, the couple sent ONE Thank You card to all of us at the family address, which I also thought was rude.

That's so wrong. You send out a thank you card per gift regardless if the gift-givers live in the same household (or are the same family). Once again, that was laziness on behalf of the couple. It's the same as wedding invitations. You send one invitation per couple. If there are people 18 and over living in the household, they each get their own invitation.

Back when I was living with my best friend, a friend of ours got married and she sent one invitation to us. I think she did it because she's cheap but still.... The outer envelope read:

Ms. ZTAngel and Ms. Roommate

It was on the same line! We still have an ongoing joke that we're each other's significant other.