First time writing a rec...

[AnchorAlumna]

Originally Posted by violetpretty

Why would a rec writer need to know these things? If recs are due early, the PNM probably won't even know who her roommate will be.

What they do for a living: can they afford all the expenses (especially if the chapter has a house). A lot of students DO already know who their roommate is; in fact, I'd say most of them do.
Also, if the parents went to college, ask where.

[violetpretty]

Originally Posted by AnchorAlumna

What they do for a living: can they afford all the expenses (especially if the chapter has a house).

Oh! That's right...Mommy and Daddy pay for everything! And appearances are always as they seem! A friend of mine's mom is a high school English teacher and her dad is a retired cop. My dad is a scientist at NASA and my mom owns her own Physical Therapy practice. One might assume based on the job titles that my family has more disposable income, but I can assure you the opposite is true.
ETA: Said friend joined a "good" chapter at an SEC school.

Please, do you mean to tell me that this question is actually asked to see "if they can pay dues" and not as a measure of who would fit in based on how rich of a family they come from? I don't buy that excuse. Every chapter has the right to select their members by any criteria they want, but if that's how you choose your sisters, you deserve what you get.

Originally Posted by AnchorAlumna

A lot of students DO already know who their roommate is; in fact, I'd say most of them do.

My experience is from a campus with a serious lack of housing problem, but I'm pretty sure the universal deadline to send in your acceptance and deposit is May 1 (unless you're doing early decision). I think I've read on some threads on GC some chapters on certain campuses like to have recs by June. My school didn't send out roommate assignments until mid August (2 weeks before move-in). Even if you request to live with someone, there's no guarantee you'll get matched with them. So unless the school guarantees requests and sends out assignments early, how could they know?

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by AnchorAlumna

What they do for a living: can they afford all the expenses (especially if the chapter has a house).

In theory, this seems like a good indicator of whether someone would be able to afford to be in sorority. It's oddly not always the case. The girls in my chapter who had the biggest issues with paying dues were girls who didn't work and whose dads made six-figure salaries. Then there were girls whose dads were blue-collar workers who paid everything on time consistently.

[gee_ess]

I think the "what the parents do for a living" topic varies from campus to campus. I haven't heard it mentioned outloud in a rec session unless it is noted because mom or dad is someone that they might know like the head football coach's daughter, the head of the Komen Foundation, big alum, etc. But that may not be the case elsewhere, nor does it make it wrong.

Haven't you ever been introduced to someone or been told about someone( for a job, date, etc) and had lots of seemingly random info at your disposal? "I want you to meet Ted. He works with my friend at XYZ and lives about two blocks from XYZ" It is a way to identify someone, not necessarily label him.

In either case, I have to say (AGAIN) that recruitment tactics and what chapters use for membership selection is often unique to that campus or type of recruitment. It is not very sisterly to be hypercritical of other's process ( quote "If that's how you choose your sisters,you get what you deserve") The OP just wanted some help from alums who write recs like she needs to write.

And yes, at some universities, freshmen know their roommates in the spring, they make room selections by the end of May...definitely.

[violetpretty]

Originally Posted by violetpretty

Every chapter has the right to select their members by any criteria they want, but if that's how you choose your sisters, you deserve what you get.

Originally Posted by gee_ess

I think the "what the parents do for a living" topic varies from campus to campus. I haven't heard it mentioned outloud in a rec session unless it is noted because mom or dad is someone that they might know like the head football coach's daughter, the head of the Komen Foundation, big alum, etc. But that may not be the case elsewhere, nor does it make it wrong.

If mom and/or dad are so notable, then why would you have to ask?

Originally Posted by gee_ess

Haven't you ever been introduced to someone or been told about someone( for a job, date, etc) and had lots of seemingly random info at your disposal? "I want you to meet Ted. He works with my friend at XYZ and lives about two blocks from XYZ" It is a way to identify someone, not necessarily label him.

I think there are plenty of ways to identify a person without mentioning what mom and dad do for a living.

Originally Posted by gee_ess

In either case, I have to say (AGAIN) that recruitment tactics and what chapters use for membership selection is often unique to that campus or type of recruitment. It is not very sisterly to be hypercritical of other's process ( quote "If that's how you choose your sisters,you get what you deserve") The OP just wanted some help from alums who write recs like she needs to write.

First of all, my comment was not directed toward the OP, but AnchorAlumna and anyone else who asks for parents' occupations when writing recs.

Second, if you read my post, I prefaced the comment you misquoted by saying, "Every chapter has the right to select their members by any criteria they want..." I wasn't saying that it should be against the policy of campus Panhellenics or HQs to ask for and include parents' occupations (not like you could regulate the content of recs even if you wanted to), but merely, if that's how they want to choose their sisters, they'll get what is coming to them.

If you want to emphasize a PNM's ability to pay dues, you might mention whether she had a job in high school, if she is a financially responsible person, has she been saving up to pay dues, etc. or just flat out, "I know she will be able to pay dues." Plus, there are other cues that would indicate that a family is wealthy, if that's all you care about, like frequent world travel, having a debutante ball, owning a horse, etc. Mommy and Daddy's occupations do not necessarily indicate disposable income and it involves making A LOT of assumptions (that mom and dad are paying for dues).

Originally Posted by gee_ess

And yes, at some universities, freshmen know their roommates in the spring, they make room selections by the end of May...definitely.

Good to know. Said universities should talk to Maryland about expediting the roommate-matching process.

[gee_ess]

VP -
I understand that you are offended by the "what her parents do" issue. But I think you are reading too much into it and giving this one teeny tiny bit of info way too much weight in the process. I really have to say that I do not think it is that prevalent of a topic for recs and/or rec sessions. Like I stated, I have not seen it much at all...but if it IS mentioned in a rec or as part of a girl's identifying info, so be it. It is not the end of the world and definitely not the only reason she is cut or invited back. It is potentially just one more way to identify her, learn about her, etc.

I am sorry I misquoted you, but I still think to say, "Every chapter has the right to select their members by any criteria they want, but if that's how you choose your sisters, you deserve what you get." doesn't really foster positive relationships.

I can only comment on my experience with this and the extent (or lack thereof) that this info is used. We can agree to disagree.

[UGAalum94]

I may have told this story before, but when I was a PNM and we were chit chatting on the sidewalk before one of the parties, I asked another PNM what her dad did for a living, and she and another PNM is my group exchanged knowing looks.

I was actually only asking because she had moved around quite a bit and I was curious about the career field. But it can be a really loaded question because many people take it to be about income level and social prominence even when it's not asked as such.

Looking back, I would have been better off asking, "was your dad or mom in the Army*?" if that was what I was thinking.

Similarly, I think the rec writer providing the information could give the chapter a lot of valuable information that really wasn't just a proxy for social class but that it would be helpful to provide that context, rather than just the "her dad's a doctor."

*ETA: not that everyone who moves around a lot is in the Army.

[JennRN]

Hijacking the thread for a second-

I am writing a rec letter for my cousin for this fall. DG has a form we fill out, and that was all I was going to send to the chapter at her school. However, she sent me her transcripts, a resume, and 3 pictures of herself. Am I supposed to send all that in with my form? Because I was under the impression that she would send that stuff in herself to each house. I don't want to leave them out if I'm not supposed to though! Thoughts??

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by JennRN

Hijacking the thread for a second-

I am writing a rec letter for my cousin for this fall. DG has a form we fill out, and that was all I was going to send to the chapter at her school. However, she sent me her transcripts, a resume, and 3 pictures of herself. Am I supposed to send all that in with my form? Because I was under the impression that she would send that stuff in herself to each house. I don't want to leave them out if I'm not supposed to though! Thoughts??

I can't speak for Delta Gamma, but there does seem to be some duplication at some colleges about what the girls would send to the schools themselves as they registered and what people send along with recs. I would think that the chapter would probably like those things (the transcript, resume, photos) from you even if she does submit it herself though panhellenic because, if nothing else, they'd get it much earlier. And I my experience is that I can't always put everything on the form anyway.

[FSUZeta]

pnms are not supposed to be sending personal information to specific chapters. perhaps they can send the information to the campus panhellenic office and panhellenic distributes it to each chapter, but it is the responsibility of the alumnae writing the recommendations for her to send information to the appropriate chapters.

go ahead and send in the resume,transcript and photos with your rec. form. if the chapter does not want it, they can just detach it from the rec. form.
good luck to your cousin!

[JennRN]

Thanks ladies! I am so excited for her and wanted to do this the right way! I'm hoping she'll even share her story with us come this fall-or at least let me share it for her!

[gee_ess]

Yes, go ahead and send everything with your rec. It has been my experience that the necessity of these extras varies from school to school. Better to send it all than have the chapter feel something is missing. Like FSUzeta said, they can just detach and pitch what they don't want or need.

[JennRN]

Crap!! I think I messed this up already! So, I filled out the DG form for sponsorship, and sent in the whole package (pictures, resume, etc) in to the chapter today.
Tonight I got an email from my cousin thanking me for the letter of support-in her words, she can get a rec letter from anyone, but I know her so well, and it means alot. Crap!! Was I supposed to write more??? Like, a whole seperate letter as well? Should I write another letter, as an addendum, and send it in also?

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by JennRN

Crap!! I think I messed this up already! So, I filled out the DG form for sponsorship, and sent in the whole package (pictures, resume, etc) in to the chapter today.
Tonight I got an email from my cousin thanking me for the letter of support-in her words, she can get a rec letter from anyone, but I know her so well, and it means alot. Crap!! Was I supposed to write more??? Like, a whole seperate letter as well? Should I write another letter, as an addendum, and send it in also?

It wouldn't hurt I guess, but don't be too hard one yourself. If you need to do something differently, you've still got time.

Did you already say what campus? Some Greek Chatters could weigh in about what's expected. Apparently, and I haven't seen this for myself, at some campuses multiple recs/letter can be the norm.

You could also try to contact someone at the chapter to see what they'd like and find helpful. Sometimes I think PNMs and their moms decide that more is better, but a recruitment (or membership) chair and adviser could let you know the real deal for that campus.

If the person knows you in real life and can advise about how the rec will be used, so much the better.

[JennRN]

I didn't mention the campus yet, but it's USC in California